Help! Does the sadness ever go away????

by Red 24 Replies latest forum announcements

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  Red

  I don't know what else to do. I see a counselor, I am on medication...but still several times a week a just burst out into tears when I think of my mom, sister, brother (all jw's) who are shunning me. I miss them soooo very much. It has been 2 years since I left (I also DA'd myself). Does it ever get any easier? What more can I do to help myself? I don't regret the decision I made, and will NEVER consider going back, but I miss my family very much... my heart hurts!

  Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

  Red
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  Swan

  Red,

  It hurts so much, I know. Can you talk to some friends about this? Do you have a group of friends that can provide some of the association you are missing? Though they are not the same as family; true friends won't desert you like your family. Seek out your true friends. Also, are you in contact with any other exJWs, on this site or in person? That can also help tremendously. I would suggest you go to the Meetup site and sign up right away. Then go to the next meetup or Apostafest and talk with them. It helps to share what you are going through with others who are or have been through the same thing. That is also why the Watchtower tries to scare us away from places like this with their "apostate" label, because they know there are great benefits in sharing your pain with others.

  Tammy
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  Red

  Thanks Tammy! Ok where is the meetup site???
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  Swan

  It's posted under the section heading Links on this site. http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/28/48002/1.ashx

  Tammy
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  SheilaM

  Red:

  My situation is much different but for various reasons there are those I love that I am estranged from, YES, it does get better. The tears you shed ARE GOOD they are helping you heal don't keep your grief inside it will just eat you up. Does your heart still hurt from being betrayed yes I'm not sure if that will ever go away but it lessens in time. It's like a death and there are stages of grief. I hope this helps and wish you the strength to heal
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  outnfree

  Red,

  I am not shunned by any family, but nonetheless, I am still very sad and tearful at times and I DA'd myself 2 years ago this month, too. I am angry that the Society lied to us. I am sad that my Utopian dream was all a load of crap. I am distraught that the JW hierarchy is calculatingly deceitful. I miss my friend Dee incredibly much. I was disappointed in the unloving attitude of the elders toward my own family and toward others. Yet...

  I am relieved to no longer be duped. I am happy to live each day seeking the good in it. I am seeking to be kinder and more loving without worrying that if I fall short in some way I'll be bird food. I am grateful that my children can be who they are without me censoring them because I'm worried what God (aka 'the organization' and its minions) will say, when I, personally, am proud of them. I have been able to reach out to those I love and I forgive my 'sister' for turning me in and forcing me to leave on my own terms ... it has brought me to this place in my life.

  In my case, even though my family were never JWs, my relationship with my only living sibling is virtually non-existant and there has been heartache and separation with more extended family. Only my mother and I have what would be termed a good relationship. Shunning doesn't only happen in JWland. In fact, in some ways it might be more hurtful to be shut out and discounted for unknown reasons, than to know that one is being shunned because of the relative's misguided belief that shunning is somehow pleasing God and beneficial to the shunned one.

  I have found this board and the personal contact with other ex-JWs at the meet-ups to be very valuable. I second Tammy's suggestion that you find a local Meet-Up and find others who really understand the way that no worldly friends or psychologists truly can. And try to make an Apostofest somewhere, too. They are good for the soul.

  outnfree
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  Red

  I signed up to the Meetup site. And have already marked my calendar for the next meeting in Kansas City. I can't wait! It will be so good to finally be able to talk to others that actually know what you're going through. Thanks to all who responded!

  Red
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  SheilaM

  Red:

  I live in KC lets us know where the next meetup is
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  Sentinel

  (((hugs))) to you. (Sorry I didn't see this thread earlier, as it showed up in "Current Affairs", rather than "Personal Experiences". You'd probably get lots more support posting there, or in "Friends" .)The things you are feeling are absolutely normal. You are grieving for something lost. Try to keep busy around people who are encouraging. Go shopping or to the movies, even by yourself. I learned that being by myself was not the worse thing, and it was a growing experience to work through my issues. People are everywhere, and sometimes friends are made by connecting with total strangers and being open to conversation. Just take it slow.

  However, if the depression is just overtaking you, please seek medical attention. The JW's are wrong in the way they handle human beings, so please don't let the guilt take control of your life. Just think, you are free and you have a beautiful world to live in and enjoy...and you have this supportive forum, and other places now to go and seek comfort and friendship.
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  LyinEyes

  Hi Red, my grandpa's name was Red, made me have good thoughts to think of him today.

  I am sorry you are hurting so bad,,,,,, I have been d/a for almost a year , I forgot the date. It didnt hurt me to lose my Dad the only family I have in, because he has been indifferent to me for so long anyway.

  But I was so angry at him and I was hurt over all the years he has been so distance from me, even when I was a good elders wife and did all I could to make him love me more. He has a new family and I have a half sister, so I guess you can say I feel a little replaced . I am probably too old to feel that way, but if you could hear him talk about his other daughter you would understand why I feel this way. Growing up I was his pride and joy, and now I am so easily thrown away, and forgotten about.

  I still have days I get so sad thinking about it but have ways to help me cope.

  I think of my own family , husband , children, my sister , family in laws

  I think of my wonderful friends here and how much they add to my life.

  I think of how good I feel about myself now, and the self discovery.

  I think of my freedom from the borg, and the weight off of my shoulders.

  I think of the fun things I do , to keep me busy and expand my mind.

  I guess there just came a time for me, when I had to stop thinking of family that I will not change. I had to concentrate on what is right in front of me, which was hard at first to do.

  I think in time you will get there too, so many are in your same situation and it hurts , but when you love yourself more and more, as JW's we are told not to think of ourselves, you will heal , it takes everyone different times to heal. It never really goes away but you find ways to be good to yourself.