Help! Does the sadness ever go away???? (page 2)

Big Tex

I am not disfellowshipped or disassociated, but I am shunned by 99% of the Witnesses in Dallas. Understand, I never wanted to leave. I was dragged out or kicked out, depending on your viewpoint. I used to miss the old life and it took me several years to get over the sadness and pain of rejection.

BUT it does get better. I would not trade my life now for my old JW life for all the money in the world. Grieve for what you have lost, but at the same time get out and carve a new life for yourself. The apostafests are great. I wore a kilt at the last one. Why? Because I could. It's fun being free.

There's a whole world waiting for you full of delights to satisfy even the most pernicious of tastes. It does get better.

ApagaLaLuz

Yes Red it does! Most of us here have gone through it. It can be very severe. I felt sooooo alone. And so many thoughts raced through my mind sometimes I had a hard time keeping them straight.

In time it WILL ease. For some it never truely leaves. I know for me, I had virtually no social skills, seeing as how I was raised in it. I finally decided to pursue my musical interests and made many new friends that way. It takes time. But IT WILL GET BETTER.

Hang in there. We all did. Like the old saying 'what doesnt kill you makes you stronger.' This is a great test for so many, and you will end up a much stronger and caring person because of it.

Or you could end up mean, bitter, and hateful. :) But to each his own.

*muah*

Chevy

Billygoat

(((((Red)))))

Yes, the sadness does go away. It at least loses it's sharpness over time. I've been "out" since I was 19. I'm 31 now. Being shunned by your family is one of the most traumatic experiences an ExJW goes through. I'm a living testimony that moving on and living a good life is the best revenge. I still miss my family. I still think about them of course. But my heart doesn't ache continually like it used to. I have my bad days (holidays on occasion, seeing a father and a daughter together sometimes hits me wrong, shopping with my girlfriend and her mother, etc.) but I definitely have more good days than bad days.

I had an epiphany the other day coming home from work. It dawned on me to be grateful to my parents for their obedience to the Society regarding shunning practices. If they had continued socializing with me (when they weren't supposed to) I would never have found this site. I would never have met my friends here. I never would have been so broken hearted to find a "new" spirituality in God. I never would have found my church. I never would have found my husband. I never would have the great career I have. I never would have found the peace "that transcends all understanding". See? There are so many good things that come out of terrible situations like ours! It's just a matter of perspective. I know it's easier said than done, but with time, healing, and practice it truly works.

Keep coming here...you'll learn a lot and make some new friends that really understand the heartache.

Wishing you the best!

Andi

Jesika

Hi Red,

Nice to meet you!!!

There is another poster here who is from your area. His handle name is pr_capone, he is our Kansas District Overbeer . I emailed him this thread, so he should post to it today or tomorrow.

It will get better!!!!!!!!!!!!! Smile!!! You are not alone!!!!!

jst2laws

Hello Red,

I'm glad you posted your feelings. You are taking the right steps to recovering. You surely know by now that you are not alone, and there are people near and far with simular experience who have made it and will help you do the same.

Joy and I were disfellowshipped recently for apostasy. Yet many here have suffered from their exit more than we have. You have recieved comments from some of them. Tammy, Outnfree, Billygoat, Bigtex, Jesica, Lyineyes- I have met all of these people (SheilaM, Sentinel and CHEVYSNTATS I hope to meet some day) and I can assure you they are all real people and survivors. Listen and keep in touch.

It does not change overnight. But like other causes of grief if dealt with properly it takes its course and you move on with your life. We are living testimony that YOU HAVE A LIFE AHEAD OF YOU. A wonderful life awaits you.

Jst2laws

VeniceIT

Fortunetly I can honestly say is does go away, or rather it fades. I lost all my family except my parents who left with me, and it was soooo unbelievably devastating. Not only the loss of family and friends, but of my beliefs and everything I had known. I know your going through this and it feels like you can just die from the pain, and sometimes you think that would just be easier.

The next few years are going to be very tough. You will feel the depths of your emotions as you try and get your head around a new set of beliefs and a totally knew way of life. It will also be one of the richest experiences and journeys that you will have. Sometimes it takes the bad to appreciate the good. You will gain a whole knew awareness about who you are, what true friends are and how to actually communicate and interact with people in the real world, not some fantasy land where your forced to hang out with people you can't stand.

The road is bumpy sometimes your just soo relived to be free of the borg and other times your at the depths of depression crying and looking through a photo album. But that's ok, don't hold the tears back, learn from them and grow. Leaving the borg and being shunned is horrible and you have to grieve that, so don't deny it, don't say ohh it doesn't bother me, don't act like it never happened. FEEL IT, live it, and work through it so you can someday soon put it behind you.

And if you do have a moment where you stop and think back and get a lil misty, don't think of it as a relapse. Those people where a part of your life and have helped make you who you are today. But try not to dwell on it too much, or live in the past more then you have to. Sometimes that's easier because we don't know where the hell we are now. But you will, you'll find yourself, and your place and be able to think about family and friends with a smile and think back on the good times, and then go on with your life.

This is a new journey your on, a new chapter in your life with completely different characters, and let me tell you there are some 'real characters' around here if you give em the chance. Just give yourself time, and know that you are not alone!!!!!

Best Wishes,

Ven

jst2laws

Ven,

Very good. .....Very good!

Steve

VeniceIT

Thanks Steve,

I try to belive that things happen for a reason, helps me to see what the lessons are that can be gained from different situations, even the toughest ones and most painful. I know that in the midst of my pain and suffering I have grown so much. I have learned tolerance and the hard lesson that you can't help everyone or save the world, hard as you want to. Sometimes some people have to learn on their own and you can't force them to 'get a clue' but you have to wait for them to do it on their own, hopefully some will learn soon. (I'm not the most patient person ).

I hope to use my experice to encourage or help others, that way our pain is not in vain!!!

Ven

SwordOfJah

"I don't know what else to do. I see a counselor, I am on medication...but still several times a week a just burst out into tears when I think of my mom, sister, brother (all jw's) who are shunning me. I miss them soooo very much. It has been 2 years since I left (I also DA'd myself). Does it ever get any easier? What more can I do to help myself? I don't regret the decision I made, and will NEVER consider going back, but I miss my family very much... my heart hurts!"

RED: You heart hurts because you have made the wrong decision in your life. By disassociating yourself, what did you think? That everything was going to be fine with your family? You said that you don't regrest your decision and will never consider going back, but then your heart hurts? It seems like you, yourself, have made the decision. You've cornered your family members into a position where they have to choose loyalty to you or Jehovah. It seems that they correctly chose Jehovah as he can give them eternal life and you can't. An evil apostate will say that they are choosing loyalty to an Organization, this of course to justify your actions. But Jehovah does not justify your premeditated and calculated decision to disassociate yourself from his people. You burst into tears because your family shuns you, but did you not shed a tear when you turned your back on them and Jehovah? The truth hearts, I know. I know that you came hear so that the posters of this board would say things that you want to hear. But telling you the truth is far more loving than allowing you to live in a fantasy world where you imagine that you did the right thing.

cruzanheart

Red, it WILL go away. Give it time, post and speak your feelings on this forum -- most of us here (with the exception of a rather annoying little gnat who just posted) have felt or are feeling EXACTLY the way you do. You're not alone!

Love & hugs,

Nina

Help! Does the sadness ever go away????

Share this