Making friends in the "truth"

Jordandemm

What is it about making friends in the organisation am I the only one who had found it tough? Don't get me wrong there was some good people but unfortunately there was also a lot of egotism, back stabbing, jealousy and gossiping. I could never really fit in any group, everytime i thought I had found a group it was as if I would be sidelined or ditched. I have my flaws I admit but man I've really been done dirty undeservedly I felt. I wondered if it really was me but I now I know it wasn't. I can get along with most people just haven't quite mastered the skill of building upon meaningful relationships. Guess I'll be a social loner for now.

wannaexit

Jordandemm: For the most part, there are no good friends in the organization. They are all fake. I found that most were just acquaintances and willing to turn you in the minute you took a misstep.

Don't feel discouraged, you really don't need a lot of friends in life. Only one or two. I used to think that those social butterflies who were always surrounded by people must have been the happiest people on the face of the earth. But, I've learned through the years, that those very extroverted people were generally the most unhappy.

LostGeneration

The reason you cannot have real friends in that religion is because they will become your enemy at a moments notice. They think you've "sinned", whether you have or not...they will turn your ass into the elders in a New York second.

If your name comes up at the meeting as "no longer a Jehobo's Witness" they will never speak to you again. You can't develop real and trusting relationships when there is that kind of tension permeating everything surrounding you.

DesirousOfChange

While many or even most find they have lots of "automatic" (conditional) friends, there are those in every Cong who fall through the cracks too. Anyone who has some unusual circumstances or don't fit into any of the cliques can find themselves on the outside and seemingly friendless, even in JW Land.

Doc

brandnew

A kingdumb hell without gossip , is like cornflakes without the milk!!😂😂

rebel8

I had difficulties relating to a lot of them. There were some nice people, but most were evil, dumb, shallow, two-faced gossipers.

The biggest issue I had socially was the complete lack of privacy. Everybody knew every single thing that was happening in each other's lives. No boundaries whatsoever. I remember a sister standing there with me and her son, both teenagers, blabbing on about how he had to take acne medication. He was mortified. They all talked about who was on their period, constipated--I mean everything. This was never going to work for me--I need my space.

The second biggest issue I had was the stupidity. Yes there were some intelligent JWs, but most were really ignorant and intellectually low functioning--a fatal combo.

IQ is not something to feel superior about--we do not personally have much control over that.You are born with a certain amount of potential which is either nurtured by your parents or it's not.

But the endless inane discussions with a thick overlay of arrogance--oh gawd how I hated that--it's so evil. Imagine, for example, sistas deciding a teen in the hall grew a penis because she took birth control pills, and that she was a prostitute because of the pill too. This girl was horribly mistreated because these extremely dumb & arrogant women made up a pseudoscientific, untruthful story, had the arrogance to believe it, and caused a whole bunch of people to say hurtful things and shun her. Imagine being that girl. I wonder what happened to her.

ToesUp

Jordandeem

It's not you...trust me. The jw's are exactly as you described. Very few good ones left.

Keep looking for friends (non JW). There are some good and genuine people out there, they just take a little time and effort to weed out the good ones. I would much rather have a small group genuine friends than a large number of fake/phony/conditional friends.

just fine

Rebel8 - I remember a situation almost exactly as you describe in upstate NY in the late 80's early 90's. Those women made that girls life a living hell. And it was elders wives who were behind most of it...... I wonder if we are talking about the same girl.

dubstepped

It always seemed to me that in order to have friends you had to grow up with that set of people. My set all got DF'ed or left and I was the only one left. I moved to other congregations with my wife later and we never could make friends. We always got left out of just about anything social, as those people all had their groups of friends and kept to themselves.

After a decade and a half without any real friends we DA'd and now we have friends in the evil world that actually invite us places and care about us. Last weekend was our 16th anniversary. A client of ours in our cleaning business (and we're friends as well) just happened to invite us to go to an away basketball game for our local team. The had two extra tickets and asked if we wanted to go. Sure! Oh, and they would drive, so we could ride with them. Okay! Oh, and they already had an AirBnb with a separate cottage out back and we could just have that room to ourselves, for free of course. WOW! The only thing we had to pay for was our food, and once we got there the husband paid for all of our meals!!! I couldn't even get an invitation to dinner with other people as a JW and here we get a free three day weekend trip for my wife and I. Tell me again how Witnesses are such great friends.

JW's are just friends of convenience. You're in the same place so you might as well make the best of the time you spend together. You have a similar life in the religion. That's it. They do nothing to foster a sense of community or togetherness. Instead it is backbiting like you mentioned in the OP. Just a bunch of judgmental people trying to one up each other.

stuckinarut2

Yes, it is conditional friendship at best, with no room for individuality of any sort.

You must be a clone of one another, and be eager to improve your "spirituality" amongst your social group...or be kicked to the kurb and gossiped about!

"Friendship" in the org is simply "association with people who have the same faith"....no more. no less....

Making friends in the "truth"

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