by Brummie 17 Replies latest jw friends
If he was not genuine, he didn't really hurt anyone.
You couldn't be more wrong about that, imo. Do you want your children to grow up susceptible to lies and fabrications? How has that worked out in your life? Don't you think one of the reasons people (and organizations) fabricate is because they can?
Don't you think one of the reasons people (and organizations) fabricate is because they can?
Of course. But my point was that if kat was a liar, then I think that says more about him than me. If he lied to me about who and what he was then, at least in my eyes, he's the fool. Not me. I treated him with kindness and honesty. If he was just about playing a joke then so be it. It's not like he asked for money or keeps telling us the same sob story about how miserable he is and he really wants to be a woman, etc. There are people like that around here and I give them a wide bearth.
But see your statement only shows that you agree with my premise. That on an Internet discussion board, none of us really knows who or what the other is. I guess that's why I enjoy going to the apostafests so much. I can tell so much about a person just by meeting them face to face and so far I haven't been disappointed. I've found people who post here are pretty much the same as the way they post.
And so I take people at face value. But then, what do I know?
Chris
I've done a 180 degree turnaround, and now I take what people say at face value, and hope for the best.
Neither position is optimal. I suggest a balanced view based on willingness to accept tempered by a keen awareness of the potential for deceit, and healthy skepticism.
COMF, I agree 100%.
Chris,
my point was that if kat was a liar, then I think that says more about him than me. If he lied to me about who and what he was then, at least in my eyes, he's the fool.
I have to respectfully disagree. A) you can't do a thing about the other person, yet we all know there are fabricators out there. B) he may or may not be "the fool". If the fabricator is working towards an end that gaining your confidence would enable, then he/she is not nice, maybe not even sane, but not "the fool" either. However, you (and I, and everybody) can be played the fool, all of us on this board have proven that. It would be nice to see us thinking critically enough not to be played again, for anyones agenda.
This has nothing to do with trusting people who deserve trust.
I'm with Six and COMF on the healthy skepticism on this... and I have to add this:
If someone is telling stories- even if they aren't outright asking for anything- they are just plain lying- it is still harmful. If it's known they are telling stories; responding to it and giving them any attention whatsoever is IMHO- rewarding bad behavior and it puts others at risk who may not see it.
If someone is a liar and telling stories constantly and they get attention for it- others who may not see the dishonesty of it all for a variety of reasons give them attention as well. For some, the fact that certain folks are responding adds their credibility to this person. Liars bank on that and fish for it with superfluous crap. The more credibility they can gain through this, the more they have to use the next time.
Is it harmful? IMO-yes. And I believe that it's harmful, not in the mere response to "a story". But if someone believes one lying person, they are being set up to believe the next one and may later be led to believe another who will take something more from them beyond a bit of attention on a message board.
Maybe if folks continue to stand up and say "Hey wait a minute- you said this and now you are saying the opposite" or expose these folks, they won't be able to get away with it as readily and some of them will stop doing it. It simply won't pay off for them to do so. As it is- if folks say "they really aren't hurting anyone", there are no consequences for the liars and the storytellers out there and someone will be vulnerable to them or someone worse later on.
In essence these liars and storytellers are not only lying but they are stealing. If someone is a genuine and honest person and I give them my attention, I've given them a piece of me. I've shared a piece of myself with them and done so freely. If someone tells a story in order to get my attention, that piece of me isn't given freely- it's stolen from me on a lie.
And yes, there is a healthy skepticism and this doesn't apply to those who are honest, decent people who deserve our trust. I just get sick of seeing people lying and fabricating stories and being rewarded for it by receiving the attention they so pathetically seek. If who these people are isn't good enough to get the attention they are seeking- FIX IT !!!!
Okay, I'm getting off my soapbox now. This is something that has bothered me for many years and lately it's just been bothering me more as I've seen some here truly scamming others.
And maybe I’m just protective of a group here who I care about and who have been lied to for so much of their lives. They don’t need to come to a support board about all of that and be lied to by the participants. It just pisses me off. Can ya tell???
XW
Six & XW,
Sorry if I was unclear. Of course a healthy skepticism is necessary. I'm not advocating an open arms-be my best bud attitude just because someone posts on the board for a few weeks. Yes I agree absolutely that someone could indeed have a separate agenda in trying to gain my/our trust.
I've been burned once since I've been on JWD and that involved trusting someone who then betrayed that trust. Things spiraled out of control with this person and it got kind of hairy there for a while. So perhaps I am guilty of trusting someone too easily and I will think about what you and XW had to say. I had not considered that perhaps it is legitimating them by responding in the way I have. It's food for thought.
My only point before, and I think I expressed it badly, was that when someone tells a story or relates a problem I tend to give them the benefit of the doubt and accept it. Now I have seen a few instances where those stories change and there is no explanation for the change. In those cases I do tend to back off since I'm not sure who or what this person is about.
It seems as if there is a fine line between total acceptance, skepticism and then finally complete mistrust. Good points. Thanks for a look at another viewpoint.
((((((((((((((((Tex))))))))))))))))))))))
What I was saying wasn't so much directly to you- something you said merely triggered it for me and it all came out.
Jesus says....................
It's all good.
Hugs at ya sweetie !!!!
XW
No it's okay. It IS all good.
But still, I think the points you and Six brought up were good ones and I think it is something I need to think about. I'm not saying I'm going to change or do a Farkel on a newbie, but I do think I need to look at this issue.
Take care sweetie. Oh, NIna's here and she send a big hug right back at ya.
