Adultery, Divorce, Remarry

by azl0058 17 Replies latest social relationships

  • azl0058
    azl0058

    My brother (who is a witness) has been married for 8 years. He and his wife (also a witness) got married young, but he never really tried in the marriage, but she also lost his trust early on. He says that it was his fault though because he pushed her away.

    Anyways, he met this new girl (not a witness) and told his wife that he wanted to separate. Now, this separation was not because of the girl, but because he was no longer happy with his wife. The two just happened to happen at the same time. During this time of separation, my brother and the new girl committed adultery. My brother was the df and he continued to see this girl.

    He told me that he purposely committed adultery with the girl hoping that his wife would want to leave him, but she did not. This also put the girl in a difficult situation.

    He and his wife then filed for divorce, but she is still willing and wanting to take him back. His religious morals finally began to catch up to him and he is now at a crossroads. He wants to go back to his wife because of what the Bible says about marriage. As I mentioned earlier, he never truly tried in the marriage because she lost his trust early on (she shared her feelings with another man). He told me that he truly wants to be happy with this new girl. He told me that he wants to marry the new girl. In addition, because of my brother, he says that the new girl has started studying the Bible and does have a genuine interest in becoming a witness. Because of this, they have stopped committing adultery.

    I am curious that if he chooses the girl, how would that play out in the eyes of Jehovah?

    1) It says that He hates divorce unless on the grounds of adultery. (Matthew 19:9)

    2) Would it be considered a deceitful divorce because my brother is leaving his wife with the motive of marrying this girl? (Malachi 2:13-16, Mark 10:9)?

    Not to mention, my brother wants to be reinstated as quickly as possible, however, he obviously does not regret what he did, or else he would still be associated right now.

    The moral of the story, he and the new girl are still seeing each other, but she is studying and he is also working on building a closer relationship with Jehovah. Although the wife would prefer not to lose her husband, she told me that once the divorce is final, she would not care if he remarried and wouldn't be mad. She would actually be as supportive as she could given the circumstances (but she would move on from him). The only person she does not want him to marry is the girl he committed adultery with. Now, as I said earlier, my brother is at a crossroads because he obviously wants to be with the girl, but wants to do right by Jehovah.

    What are the chances he could get reinstated and marry the new girl? If the girl decides to become a witness, would she have trouble with her baptism because of this?

    Opinions?

  • Vanderhoven7
    Vanderhoven7

    I believe the organization would insist that he end associating with the girlfriend, go back to his wife and ask for her forgiveness. Why the wife wants him back however is surprising.

  • azl0058
    azl0058

    What happens if my brother waits until the divorce is finalized? How does that change the situation?

  • stan livedeath
  • DesirousOfChange
  • Aposta-Fish
    Aposta-Fish

    The new rules state that once the adultery has happened and a divorce filed then he’s free to marry whom ever he wants even though he’s the adulter. The wife and him should be made aware of this. Maybe when he knows he’s now free in every way from his wife he’ll be more willing to pick the right woman for him or neither and move on.

  • menrov
    menrov

    In my view simple: you either follow WT rules and accept the consequences or you don't and accept the consequences. WT is not interested in your happiness. WT (and religious organisations) should not interfere with couples / marriages. I understand that he does not love his wife anymore and is in love with the other woman. He should convince himself of what he really wants. Do not turn this new girl into a JW as that is the wrong basis for a relation. If she is his new future, focus on building a foundation with that girl, separate from religion. If she develops a natural desire for religion, that is fine but it should never be a condition to start a relationship.

  • Bobcat
    Bobcat

    I think A-F (above) is right in that once adultery has been committed and a divorce has been completed (not just filed) then, the man and his wife are no longer "scripturally married." On the other hand, if the man and his wife engage in intercourse after the adultery has taken place, then, she (in the WT's eyes) has given up her right to scripturally divorce him (until he commits adultery again).

    The result would be (after adultery + legal divorce) that both are free to remarry in the WT's view. With this exception: The wife would not be free to remarry her ex as long as he is DFed. If she did she would also be DFed for intentionally associating (via marriage) with a DFed person.

    Since the man admits to committing adultery for the purpose of being free to marry the new girl, he can expect that he won't be reinstated for many years. I think the KS textbook says this in so many words. The elders would have to wait a long time to see evidence of repentance since there was, not just a 'moment of weakness' involved in the adultery, but premeditation.

  • mynameislame
    mynameislame

    First thanks for illustrating the folly of claiming to speak for God. But why are you asking here?

    I believe the literature says if someone commits adultery to get out of a marriage they should remain disfellowshipped for a very long time. My opinion is that they if they do get reinstated, they should not have any privileges for a much longer time if ever.

    But of course it is all baloney so he should just figure out what the right thing is to do and do that.

  • carla
    carla

    What do I know? I am not a jw but all the stories over the years it seems to me to go this way- guy commits adultery, gets df'd, sits in the back of the kh with his new honey for a year, gets reinstated and all is good again. Unless, the guy is not liked or has no standing in the kh, then he will remain a leper for years and his new honey will also be a leper and they will have no real friends in the kh. That's how I see it happening over the years.

    If they both know how to turn on the crocodile tears that would be really helpful for them in the long run.

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