This apparently is a common idea, because the Elders book explicitly denounces using adultery to free yourself and get a new mate, and it said it will delay any reinstatement longer than usual.
Adultery, Divorce, Remarry
by azl0058 17 Replies latest social relationships
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joey jojo
At first I was going to reply and say that your brother sounds like a dirtbag.
But then I remembered that I've seen this situation play out quite a few times and partly, it's the unhealthy result of being in a strict cult.
There are plenty of remarried dubs, holding hands and smiling during the watchtower study who deliberately committed adultery in order to divorce their partners.
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waton
It used to be, that a guilty mate, after a divorce, had to have the wronged party agree to a re-marriage, if the love birds got married anyway, violating wt policies, would find them put quickly on the outside.
There was a very handsome jw male, not even daring to date, (a precursor to marriage in wt think) , because the jealous and clearly hurt, now divorced 'sister' never forgave him, used the clause to cause his pining away.
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sam68
fornication has taken place, so is grounds for divorce. after finalised he is free to marry the girl, keeps attending meetings, gets reinstated. the girl studies and gets baptised when she is ready to and the congregation give her permission after going through the questions.
"Would it be considered a deceitful divorce because my brother is leaving his wife with the motive of marrying this girl?" - your brother was deceitful committing adultery with the poor girl.
"Although the wife would prefer not to lose her husband, she told me that once the divorce is final, she would not care if he remarried and wouldn't be mad. She would actually be as supportive as she could given the circumstances (but she would move on from him). The only person she does not want him to marry is the girl he committed adultery with. " - it is none of an ex's business who their ex marries next.
" He told me that he purposely committed adultery with the girl hoping that his wife would want to leave him, but she did not." - what a ridiculous thing to do!!! why not leave his wife, then do what he pleases with the girl? disfellowshipping is the conclusion to that too.
Sounds like he is more interested in continuing to live in the marital home, but without the wife, than being up front about anything.
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sam68
""He told me that he purposely committed adultery with the girl hoping that his wife would want to leave him, but she did not." - what a ridiculous thing to do!!! why not leave his wife, then do what he pleases with the girl? disfellowshipping is the conclusion to that too."
actually, no. if he had simply left his wife and never fornicated, and divorced her on incompatability grounds, he would not get disfellowshipped. if he and the girl abstain from sex until they are married, then all is well too.
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Scully
Cheating to get out of an unhappy marriage isn't the best choice, but in JW-land it is an option. Doesn't the bible say that to look at another person in a lustful way is having already committed adultery in one's heart anyway??
WT rules seemed to have relaxed a bit in the 26 years since I left. At one time, adultery only freed the innocent spouse to remarry Scripturally™. The spouse who committed adultery was expected to return to the marriage *if* the innocent spouse was willing to forgive them. But to use adultery as a weapon to deliberately end the marriage and move on to another partner, and expect to be Reinstated™ and bring their new partner into The Truth™... well that's just mind boggling to me, for the simple reason that so much deceit and underhandedness has gone into the affair. But that's WTs fault too: they are the ones who claim that the *only* legitimate grounds for a Scriptural Divorce™ is adultery, and they also imply that the adulterer(s) are not at liberty to seek the divorce - that is up to the wronged spouse.
WT may as well accept the fact that people divorce for a variety of reasons, and there is no sense in expecting two miserable people to stay with each other until one of them dies. Let them move on and try to find some happiness. Life is too damn short.
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Toppa
I have to agree with Carla. If you're relatively well liked, and put on a good show of contrition, it won't take long to come back.
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Diogenesister
actually, no. if he had simply left his wife and never fornicated, and divorced her on incompatability grounds, he would not get disfellowshipped. if he and the girl abstain from sex until they are married, then all is well too.
But that is not a “scriptural divorce”. And therefore the new marriage is also not “scriptural”. In fact, not only would they not be free to marry in the Kingdom Hall, but by getting “married” to the new girl elsewhere, your brother would be committing adultery, since he was not “scriptural divorced” in the first place.
confused.........? You will be!!