by sleepy 27 Replies latest jw friends
Everyone probably has a slightly different experience when leaving the witnesses.The worst aspect about this for me is the realisation that my enteire life has been lived and directed by a false premiss, and the effect past decisions now have on my life.
It can make me feel sick in the stomach on occation.
Also the idea that friends and family think I have tuned bad or evil to have left Jehovah is qute disturbing at times.
Hiya sleepy,
I agree with you that when you realise that your entire life has been based on falsehood it does make you sick in the stomach. This is probably one of the worst things about leaving for me, yet also it is one of the best things.
When you realise that you have been fed with false information, it opens your eyes and makes you form your own opinions based upon your own research. In my opinion this makes you a better person, never again will you allow anyone else to tell you how to act and what to believe.
Dig
The worst thing for me about leaving was the realisation that I had studied with people and directed them to the 'Truth' without realising I was sending them to a cult. I feel very guilty about this and it is probably one of the worst issues I am dealing with right now. I was also instrumental in getting my family involved initially - I was the one who started studying first. I feel so bad about that also.
Now I am escaping, I can't help feeling for those I have left behind. The guilt is unbearable and I don't think it will ever leave me.
xxR
Hey Rebel:
The guilt is unbearable and I don't think it will ever leave me.
You’ve got absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. It’s the Borg that are guilty – BIG TIME.
I know how you feel, though. I had stomach cramps every day for the first week. Then, about two weeks after that, when I thought I was over it, they came back for a day or so. Now, I feel great, happy and free.
The point is, I was angry at myself for even feeling that way. Read my lips: WE DON’T OWE THE WATCHTOWER
ANYTHING!
Take each day as it comes (I know, an old cliché but true) and live your life like you want to be a friend to the world. Enjoy nature, meet with like-minded friends, chat away till midnight. You’ll soon be really free so make the most of it.
And as for those you "brought into the Borg", nonsense! Each of us would have been shown the WT teachings at our study, but it was our OWN decision to accept it. Similarly, it is up to each individual to check and double check the facts now. You've done that. Congratulations on having the guts and admitting that you were previously wrong. That says a heck of a lot about your character - and you may be pleasantly surprised. Those that came into the Borg with your "help" are bound to want to know why you left - which may lead them to look at the real truth!
Hang in there, Rebel. You're doing fine.
Dansk
See! Outlaw's even got me typing BIG now!
Dansk,
Thanks a million - you're a pure diamond. I don't feel so bad now.
I still feel bad about my family, though. My youngest is still in their clutches - he is 20 but has been more-or-less brought up in the...............I almost typed 'The Truth'. He has been brought up in this organisation and I hope and pray I can say the right things to get him free.
xxR
I regret not going to college. I always had good grades and wonder where I may be today, had I pursued an education.
goofy,
Why on earth do you think your best days are gone??????
Go for it! If you want a degree, well work for it! Don't let past comments get you down - just do what you want to do.
xxRoz
For me, the worst thing about leaving was giving up the feeling of mission, the idea that I was in a life and death struggle with right and wrong, a player in a cosmic battle.
While that may seem a bit overblown and adolescent, didn't we all sort of feel that way at one time? Like being in the org was putting you at a pivotal point in a huge drama, almost as if you were a hero in some fantasy, like "Star Wars" or "LOTR"? Now I'm just another blob in a big, uncaring universe, and while I have my part to play, I don't see it as some overblown Shakespearian play, more like my small niche in a vast ecologicl network, more "Sammy the clam" than "Luke Skywalker".
I have to admit, I actually gave up this feeling long before I actually left the org, but I still sort of miss it at times, even though in reality it was just and adolescent fantasy. Of course, there are some other adolescent fantasies I still maintain, usually involving a game of Nude greased Twister.
one can really never know what someone else is thinking, so try not to let that bother you. when I was in I would see or hear of something that bothered me and I'd end up telling myself that I too had things to work on.
As far as leaving, I don't have any regrets, The friends that are there, their love was only conditional, I don't miss them. but I do have times where I feel I use to know everything to knowing little when it comes to the bible. I feel I have to start all over but it's all GOOD.
from imanaliento using hubby ID because I can't log on yet,
