Jennie,
Welcome to the board, I am glad you took the time to write about your feelings about suicide and the loss of your Grandfather. I know losing someone so special is not easy. An I know that your Grandpa did love you. Death is hard to understand at any age, regardless on how someone died. An I know you are very sad on what Grandpa did.
Sometimes people find themselves in a dark place emotionally and don't know how to help themselves or know how to talk about what is bothering them.
Suicide is the hardest thing to understand, because the person who does it is no longer around to explain his feelings. I know when my Cousin did not leave a reason when he committed suicide. All we knew was he was unhappy.
For the longest time, I though was there more I could of done to help my cousin. After years of reflection and talking about my feelings. I found an answer I could accept. This is what helped me. While some harm themselves without any outward warning, most do not. Sometimes someone finds themselves so sad and depressed that they are in a deep hole, feel they cannot get out of and sometimes they feel they cannot talk about it. That is why it is important to talk about your feelings.
Didn't you feel a little bit better expressing how you felt ? Sadly some people don't feel other people can understand them or how they feel and they keep all that bottled inside. It festers and grows into a severe saddness, a depression. Although most depressed people are not suicidal, most suicidal people are depressed.
My cousin, Eddie withdrew from us. He started not going to things he liked to do, stopped coming family get togethers and started closing us out. An we tried talking with him, but he would not talk to us about how he felt, suicidal people often don t believe they can be helped. But there are people who can help. It takes someone to tell you what is going on. If someone doesn't tell you what is going on you cannot help them. Each person is different. We are the survivors and I know you are going through a lot of feelings right now. I cannot tell you how to feel or what to do. But I want you to know that... You are not alone.
I hope that you will come and visit us often.
Xandria
