Corporal punishment

Incognigo Montoya

So I just finished watching the latest Cedars video on spanking children. I like Lloyd, and think that overall he does a good job covering issues in his videos. But I've gotta disagree with him on this issue, to a point.

I don't agree with beating your children, but I do believe in spanking, when appropriate. Most discipline can be handled without spanking, I believe, but there are times when it is warranted and needed. Also each child is different, and some only respond to (learn from) a spanking, whereas another will respond to (learn from) just a simple look of disapproval from their parent. Leaving bruises or other marks, or worse, is taking it too far, and turns discipline into abuse(flesh is gonna redden when you spank, and I believe this to be acceptable, but nothing more). I also believe that the discipline should hurt the parent as well, and so I only ever used my hand, never a belt, rod, switch, wooden spoon, fly swatter, or other makeshift spanking implement.

I believe one of the biggest issues with today's society stems from the lack of a proper discipline, including spanking. What do you all think?

cofty

I think spanking is unacceptable. One day we will look back and wonder why we ever thought otherwise.

Children respond to consistency. Always say what you mean and mean what you say and say it with conviction. If you say that there will be consequences for disobedience make sure there are - every time.

Never make petty rules but when you lay down a rule never ignore it. Look for the good things and praise and reward them.

Hitting children is a lazy and counter-productive method of discipline.

blondie

If an adult made a mistake at work, and their supervisor spanked them...what would happen to the supervisor in the legal system? That is a case of an adult and another adult, approximately the same size. But I don't see it any more appropriate of effective for an adult to spank a child for a mistake.

redvip2000

I believe one of the biggest issues with today's society stems from the lack of a proper discipline, including spanking.

spanking is basically the resort for parents who don't know how to parent. Especially in third world countries, where parents are mostly uneducated and lack proper parenting skills this is more prevalent, also because their parents also beat them, so it's part of a cycle.

LV101

Spanking is how the ignorant and haters discipline. Makes me crazy thinking about it.

Incognigo Montoya

Wow. Seems as though my mindset is not the consensus.

Let me give you a couple hypotheticals.

1. A child is about to stick a metal object into a light socket.

Gonna hurt and could cause, severe trauma, even death.

2. A child continually acts up towards his sibling, parent, or teacher, and taking away priviledges/grounding does not seem to be getting through.

3. A child gets into serious trouble, i.e. shoplifting. The consequences to this action can become serious if it's not nipped in the bud, and so, I would argue that if a child displays repeated, unrepentant lying, or theft of sibling or parent property, a good spanking is warranted.

Basically, I was disciplined, spanked pretty often as a child. But it didn't diminish my love or respect for my parents, as I knew they loved me and they weren't taking their anger out on me, but disciplining me. I didn't really appreciate the discipline until I was much older, as is often the case, but I dont think my parents were in the wrong for spanking me. On the other hand, some of the other punishments I recieved, when i became too old to be spanked, i feel were over the top. Nothing abusive, but punishment far outweighed the crime.

Anyway. Thanks for your responses. I will spend some time introspectively considering your points and my own views.

Incognigo Montoya

Blondie, adult mistakes carry far greater consequences than a spanking, which is why I believe spanking to be a good disciplinary tool, when implemented properly. Adults are fired from jobs, divorced, thrown in prison, seriously beaten, stabbed, shot, and killed, when they lack self control and respect for others. You know what they say about an ounce of prevention... a spanking now is far less severe than time in the Pen, later.

Giordano

Raised in an Italian family, during big family gatherings, some of my cousins were taken into a back room and yelled at by their Dad's or on very rare occasions a belt was used.

Usually it was a smack on the backside or two fingers upside the head.

In my case I was never spanked nor screamed at but what did it for me was the way my father would look at me If I was misbehaving. He could be talking to one of my uncle's but if i caught his attention, his eyes would find mine and his look could stop me in my tracks. And that was only Def Con 1. I never wanted to see what Def Con 5 looked like. What ever I was doing.......... I instantly stopped doing it.

My mother on the other hand used her face. A pursing of the lips, a slight shake of the head and a sense that she had smelled something unpleasant. Both made me change my behavior instantly.

The funny thing was we never discussed what I had done wrong....i'd figure it out eventually on my own.

cofty

1. A child is about to stick a metal object into a light socket.

Grab the child. Explain the consequences. How on earth would spanking the child achieve anything?

2. A child continually acts up towards his sibling, parent, or teacher, and taking away priviledges/grounding does not seem to be getting through.

Then you are probably not targeting the most effective restrictions and doing it consistently.

3. A child gets into serious trouble, i.e. shoplifting.

The child needs to know that they are still loved but that they will face the consequences for their behaviour. You should probably look carefully at their choice of peer-group

I think parents overestimate how much influence they ultimately have on their children. You can only do your best. Teaching them that hitting people who won't comply with your wishes is not the solution.

Vanderhoven7

My wife and I had 4 children. She was against spanking altogether. I drew the line at defiance. Corporal punishment for any other reason I believe is uncalled for and ineffective.

I learned that with my first who got several. The second only got 2, the third one, the last none.

Our kids are now adults and they all love us to death.

Defiance is when to spank but one must know how to spank for it to be effective.

Corporal punishment

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