Corporal punishment

by Incognigo Montoya 48 Replies latest social family

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  jwfacts

  Countries and States vary as to what level of physical discipline is acceptable. A slap to alert a child is different that hitting a child with a rod because they spoke at the meeting, such as I used to receive at home. It is difficult to specify or agree on exactly what that limit should be.

  getting hit by a car.
  

  This is an interesting example. A parent will act instinctively to protect their young child. When my son would run towards the road, I would grab him, and then explain what could happen. As young as 2 or 3 he understood the road was dangerous. He had seen dead birds and mice and comprehended that the same could happen to him. At that age I still needed to watch him, as kids are easily distracted, but he never intentionally ran onto the road as he comprehended the consequences.

  My friend on the other hand has a son the same age that would run onto the road. She would grab and hit him. His reaction was to immediately run to the road again, possibly in defiance of how he was treated. Her screams that he will get run over, threats and physical abuse taught him nothing about the danger of the road. This same mother advocated strongly against domestic violence, as she had been with a violent partner.

  I took away two points from this. Firstly, if a person is against violence towards adult family members, how can they justify violence towards children? Secondly, hitting a child teaches little, and a child may end up rebelling against the treatment rather than learning from it.

  A child that learns not to do something to avoid a beating is similar to a child taught not to do something because Jehovah doesn't like it. They don't learn anything productive, and at some point need an educated reason for avoiding certain behaviour. A beating followed by a discussion on why they got a beating may teach a child why something is wrong, but I have found that the discussion on its own to be just as effective. A child can be motivated to behave out of love of a parent more effectively than one that behaves out of fear.

  There is far too much violence in the world, and teaching a child that hitting someone is the easiest way to control them perpetuates that cycle.
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  cofty

  there are times when it is warranted and needed

  There are times that parents run out out of wisdom and/or patience. Smacking makes you feel like you have an answer. It's lazy and counter-productive.

  How many times have you heard a parent say 'stop doing that' but their body-language and tone of voice invites defiance? Too many parents only want to be best buddies with their children and forget to be the adult.
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  Anders Andersen

  Spanking doesn't teach anything. Explaining and communicating does.

  Spanking pushes the relationship between parent and child towards a fear based obedience. I prefer to actually communicate with my child, and for that she needs to trust me. She also shouldn't be afraid of telling me anything.

  Spanking shows a child how violence to set things straight is acceptable. The same thing we tell them not to do to their peers, we'd do to them? How is overpowering a smaller person with physical force okay for punishment? To acutely protect them from harm, yes that makes sense. But after you stopped them from killing themselves, the spanking serves no educational goal.

  I prefer to see my child as an autonomous individual, that deserves as much respect as I do. I try to teach empathy to both her and me. Spanking has no place in that.

  FWIW this doesn't mean it's easy....but parenting isn't easy anyway.
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  Tameria2001

  I just remember the emotions I felt when my parents spanked me. Yes, my rear did hurt, but there was also another hurt that never healed until many years later. My parents would always tell me that it hurt them more than it did me, yea right. The last beating I got from my dad left me filled with much hate, so much that for nearly a week I refused to eat anything or speak to both of them. Parents who choose to spank their children, then tell them don't hit people, all that shows to the child is how much a hypocrite their parents are.
  
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  Giordano

  I once had to chase down my 3 year old when he slipped his hand out of mine and ran down the sidewalk. I ran him down in seconds pulled him off the drive way and watched the car that was backing out of the driveway slam on his brakes. He could see me in his rear view mirror but he would not have seen my little guy.

  My son was confused. I told the driver that everything was fine and we continued our walk with an exception. As we approached the next driveway I would say "we stop at this driveway and make sure a car isn't backing up and hurt us."

  I said it at the next two drive ways then at the third We stopped and I looked down at my son and asked him "What do we say?"

  And he shouted out WE STOP AT THE DRIVEWAY AND MAKE SURE A CAR ISN"T COMING".

  He changed it up some but I know it stuck with him when my wife brought him back from their walk the next day and she said "what the heck is happening with this kid? He yanks me back and won't let me walk until he personally checks out every drive way".

  Then I told her about our little adventure the day before.
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  joe134cd

  This is from my own experience. I was caught smoking cigarettes as a young kid - looking back it was was more out of curiosity / experimentation and I thought it was cool. Luckily I was caught by my Grandfather on my first try. My Grandfather although a J-dub was quite a heavy smoker, so he had an extra incentive to make sure that his grandson didn’t develop a habit. I remember him putting me over his knee and giving me what for. It was such a good hiding I can still remember it till this day. This I will say I never touched another cigarette after that. He is dead now, but that hiding is one thing I’d thank him for.
• 

  TD

  I do believe in spanking, when appropriate. Most discipline can be handled without spanking, I believe, but there are times when it is warranted and needed.

  There's an old addage that goes, "Little kids, little problems; Big kids, big problems" and in my experience, there is a lot of truth to it.
  

  What are your plans for the future? Do you plan on spanking a girl clear into puberty? Do you plan on spanking a boy past the point where he's no longer going to take it passively?

  I would respectfully submit that the time to learn to be an effective parent is now. The time to learn the fine art of motivating without resorting to fear and pain is now. The time to learn to truly be the adult both in mind and body is now.

  It's relatively easy when your children are small. It won't be when your children are too big to be spanked and yet still need and deserve your guidance and wisdom.
  
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  Olig

  Totally agree with IM point here. I think especially at a young age <10, children, like animals, respond negatively to pain. Think of how a dog learns what is too far and what is acceptable, the other puppies don't threaten to remove it's food, they bite it back - promptly. This then cements it into the dogs head that biting too hard (or being naughty in the case of children) is not good because it has consequences and causes pain. In 10 minutes the dog has forgotten all about the bite back, and is carrying on with daily life. When I was smacked on the hand for being naughty as a kid, after 10 minutes I'd stopped sniffling, and found something else to do. I'd forgotten all about it and was ready to move on.

  I think when parent are too soft on children, it doesn't build up a resilience to pain. By the time I was 9 years old, the hand smacking had lost its effectiveness, and I wasn't bothered because it didn't hurt anymore. At this stage my parent would take things away from me, like pudding after meal times, sending us to bed early, when I was older they took my games console and didn't let me play out etc. When people's brains haven't fully developed they can usually only understand good Vs bad... Bringing the bad association of pain with the naughty act will cement this in the child's head and they will learn better than forcing them to think of doing something else to entertain themselves because you've confiscated their iPhone 24.

  As long as it's only spanking, or smacking, so as to cause a red mark and nothing more, I think it's acceptable, when we are talking bruises and broken bones, clearly that is completely wrong.

  My two cents!

  OG
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  redvip2000

  We all got hit in my family. I'm the youngest of 3, and so perhaps being the "baby" i got the most lenience, but i still got slapped many times, even into my teenage years. Not a soft slap either.

  Both of my older sisters got it worse, especially the oldest one, getting hit with belts, etc. Looking back now, even though that worked in keeping us all in check due to fear, it just shows how inadequate my parents were in that regard (though i would never tell them even today). They had no parenting skills whatsoever, and so we never had a close relationship where you share things, etc. We just looked at them as an authority figure, even though we loved them.
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  cofty

  I think when parent are too soft on children, it doesn't build up a resilience to pain. - Olig

  Perhaps the most idiotic comment I have read on this forum for a very long time.

  FFS please don't have children.