How was it for you when you had to shun someone?

Anator

I remember a good friend when I was in and active who was D'fd. When he started coming back, for me at that time is was gut-wrenching not to say 'hello' or at the very least encourage him to continue. Some try for a while but give-up. I thought even at this time, does this act of shunning really effective? So even though it's difficult being D'fd and being shunned, how was it for you when you actually had to do it?

The Marvster

I was lucky enough in the sense that any close friend that was D'fd didn't come back to meetings and moved out of area so I never got to see them again, (if you can call that lucky... ) but even with people in my cong that were not close friends, I found it hard... I would often crack a small smile to them, I just couldn't help it.... saw no point in 'cold shunning'... I mean, when they got reinstated, you're all smiles? isn't that the epitome of two-faced-ness?

I was always uncomfortable with the idea of shunning D'fd brothers... and totally understood anybody who refused to shun family...

tim3l0rd

The last friend of mine that was DF'd I would still say hi to. We weren't in the same congregation, but I would frequently be at his work because of my work. I'd say hi and even slipped some encouraging words in. I remembered how I felt when I was DF'd and could not bear to do that to someone else. Unfortunately, I have a friend now that is DF'd and when I reached out to him he basically scolded me and said I shouldn't contact him and should think about my relationship with God. He doesn't know of my fade as he lives in another state and even my relatives are unaware. It's like a reverse shunning.

snugglebunny

The first time I shunned someone I just felt like a priggish self-righteous big shit.

zophar

I never felt like I had to shun someone, but I understand completely what you are saying. I guess I used the excuse that I was an elder and I had certain rights so I could encourage a DF person. Of course I was just making excuses so I could act like a human and not shun!

Then again, there were some people I was delighted to shun whether they were disfellowshipped or not. 😄

It is very distressing to see, for example, a mother shun her DF daughter at a time when the daughter needs her mother the most. It is inexcusable and not Christ like behavior.

LoveUniHateExams

How was it for you when you had to shun someone?

Dreadful. One of the worst things I've done in my life. When I shunned this person, obviously I wasn't fully awake to TTATT. The shunning happened in 1996-1997.

I felt conflicted - part of me actually felt as if I was doing the right thing, but part of me knew deep down that what I was doing was dreadful and that I was a worthless piece of sh1t for doing it. Occasionally this person is in my thoughts and dreams. Sometimes the dreams are happy, sometimes the dreams are sad.

But I cannot change the past.

Tornintwo

this last year there has been a sister coming back in our cong. before I stopped attending I would give her a big encouraging smile whenever possible, also told her daughter to tell her that I hope she'd be reinstated soon. Last thing I saw she came out of a back room meeting with elders in floods of tears with some papers in her hand, I gather a reinstatement request had been rejected. There she was driving nearly an hour to all meetings with 4 kids who all had books prepared and answers at the ready, to be ignored by everyone in attendance, but they had to come up with some excuse not to let her back in. She had dealt with some serious tragedy in her life and her 'sin' came soon after, pretty sure Jesus would have forgiven her. Hope she wakes up to TTATT.

HappyGal

A good friend of mine had been disfellowshipped but then was trying to get reinstated. I would see her at he kingdom hall but of course couldn't say a word to her. At the time, I didn't question anything so I just thought that was the way it was suppose to be. Later, after I faded, I felt bad about the whole thing. Like a really bad friend. I still think back on it and wish I'd had the guts to at least call her at home and talk to her as a friend without the "come back to Jehovah" message.

Phizzy

I am now 66. When I was about 22 I actually ignored a couple of JDubs who had got DF'd, it was a JW man who had run off with a much younger JW girl, got her up the duff. His wife was a long time friend of mine , even before they were married.

Even so, I felt so bad at just blanking them I was never able to do that again to any DF'd person.

When DF'd ones arrived at the K.Hall I welcomed them with a smile and a cheery greeting, and ushered them to a seat with their family, or one of their choice. I was never talked to by Elders for this, we were a liberal Congregation, which is maybe why I stayed in for so long.

I simply could not find it in me to shun.

sparrowdown

Horribly uncomfortable and aaawkwaaard....and I liked myself a little bit less each time.

How was it for you when you had to shun someone?

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