How was it for you when you had to shun someone?

by Anator 18 Replies latest jw friends

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  James Mixon

  I never shun anyone, elders didn't have to shun.
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  Dagney

  It was terrible.

  The last 20 years or so I greeted DF'd ones who came to the meeting and told them it was good to see them. One time I saw somebody at an amusement park and I treated them like they were invisible. To this day I feel horrible about it. Told myself "never again", and never did.
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  Rattigan350

  I never shunned anyone. If I didn't associate with them, it was because I didn't like them, not because I was told what to do. If I liked them then I would associate with them regardless.
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  fulltimestudent

  Embarrassing!
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  _Morpheus

  I flat out refused. I can't explain it, I followed cult rules mostly, but that one never sat well with me. Im too loyal to my friends. I don't count "people who's name i know" as a friend... by the time someone is my friend its serious. Hell if i was gonna ignore them.
• 

  Syme

  I am ashamed to say that while fully "in", I shunned completely by the book. Even as an elder, I lifted the shunning rule only when it was necessary for religious reasons.

  Alright, I'll refer to a specific incident, confession-like, which might get you angry (justifiably).
  

  Last days as an elder, we had a funeral. The deceased person's daughter was recently DF'ed; I had been in her JC. When we entered the room to give condolences, I passed beside her, giving condolences to all relatives except her. Of course, she was so upset that she called us few minutes later in a room and put a complaint about me in front of the other elders. That shook me well. (She ought to have punched me in the face.) A few days later I was due to deletion, for irrelative reasons. I phoned her, a day before the deletion announcement, and apologized to her for the extreme shunning, almost crying. Fortunately, she accepted my apology. That incident was just few months before my waking up.

  We've done, as jdubs, nasty stuff, more or less. Shunning alone is one of the nastiest. We can't change that, but we can try hard not to be judgmental now, whatever our current affiliation and views are.
  
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  done4good

  Shunning tends to comes in degrees. I don't think I ever shunned anyone hard, however I do know that I made the awful mistake of ignoring friends that left, which was more than bad enough. It never sat well with me, but knowing that does not make me feel any better about it, nor should it.

  I tried reaching out to some of those folks after I left, and I can tell you the relationships were never the same. I deserved that.

  Funny thing was, when I left, being shunned didn't bother me all that much. It took the loss of a very personally meaningful friend years later to experience that kind of immense pain. It was then when I finally understood why I stayed away all those years after leaving, and also how incredibly hurtful shunning is. Talk about karma.

  I tell myself now that they cannot help it for the most part, just like I could not when I believed. Evil fucking cult. No one should ever be made to dehumanize themselves to that point.
  

  d4g
  
• 

  AlwaysBusy

  If I saw them at the KH, I nodded my head and give them a big, warm smile. If I saw them out of the KH, I talked with them.

  Take Care

  AB
  
• 

  eyeuse2badub

  I was a 'bad' elder. I didn't shun. If I was ever 'called out' for not shunning, I simply replied that I was answering a legitimate question.

  just saying!

  eyeuse2badub