Australian for beginers. lesson 1

by unclebruce 43 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  AlanF

  Unc, you're hysterical! I hope your Thirsday night was as fun as this post!

  AlanF
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  unclebruce

  wouldn't be laughing at my discomfort would ya AF? lol

  mr capone you should have mail! (thanks)

  cheers, chop and paste beginer unc.
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  pr_capone

  Australia is the home to the oldest living culture on Earth.
  Aboriginal Australians speak many languages and most now speak
  English. Most Older Australians speak their own brand of the language,
  developed during our years of isolation from other English speaking
  peoples.
  
  We don’t speak it like Englishmen or Scotsmen or Welshmen or
  Irishmen or Americans or South Africans or Indians or Pakistanis or
  Filipinos or even New Zulundmun or any one else you can think of who
  speaks or claims to speak English.
  
  When I first posted on the net a lot of folk hardly understood a word
  I said. Fair enough – I found out a lot of other English speaking
  people have difficulty understanding plain Australian, so I toned it
  down.
  
  This to most Australians though this is an astonishing thing. After
  all, our language is uniform. We have no dialects a foreigner could
  detect. With few variations in idiom and tempo, our language is the
  same from Dubbo to Kalgoorlie. Australians have very little trouble
  understanding others though, no matter what brand of English you
  speak.
  
  So, as the famous Australian professor said “why is this so?” Why
  do so many foreigners have trouble understanding our simple and pure
  English? Buggered if I know mate but I’ve taken it upon myself to
  try and enlighten you folk with a weekly lesson in my mother tongue
  (you lucky punters! 
  
  (first person to say I’ve got too much time on my hands gets a boot
  up the date)
  
  OK let’s start.
  
  Just settle back ya bludgers, let me do all the talk’n and we’ll
  get out of this with our adjectives integrated and our vowels shot
  through like a road sign west of the divide.
  
  : Any younger Australians tempted to cringe and call me names – shut
  up and ya might learn something! :p <-- A pre-emptive strike as the
  yanks would say (or is this a vertical insertion?)
  
  :::
  
  Australian for Beginners. Week 1.
  
  I think I’ll start with my favourites the “b” words as mother
  would say.
  
  Bastard:
  
  This is an extremely useful noun, as valuable to Australians as the
  mobile phone to the jet set. You may have been told that it’s ‘a
  term of endearment’ Well that isn’t entirely true* Sure male
  friends still greet each other with phrases like “hello ya ol’
  bastard, what’re ya drink’n? or “Where ya been, ya ol’
  bastard?’ The prefix ol’ denotes respect and this privilege is
  strictly reserved for friends. Any stranger who walks into a pub and
  calls an aussie a bastard better have reinforcements.
  
  You may though refer to yourself as being “a bit of a bastard” and
  the definition will be accepted.
  
  If you hear of a third person, in his absence being referred to as a
  bastard, the word will not be a term of endearment.
  
  There is a vast difference between friendly bastards and mongrel
  bastards and there are many kinds of bastards in between.
  
  There’s the fellow who’s “not a bad bastard” and one who’s a
  “harmless bastard” and one who’s a “stupid bastard” (not to
  be confused with a silly bugger) all of whom are “not bad bastards
  when you get to know ‘em” But the bloke referred to as “that
  bastard” is indeed a proper bastard to be avoided if at all
  possible.
  
  And the worse kind of all is the “useless bludging bastard” who is
  fortunately rare and endangered. Useless bludging bastards have no
  friends at all.
  
  Until you become familiar with all the shades of meaning given to the
  word bastard, it’s better that you leave it out of your
  conversation. Otherwise you may acquire a reputation for being a
  “know-all bastard” (or big headed prick) which means you know
  nothing at all.
  
  The end.
  
  Homework: Discuss the word bastard among yourselves and become
  familiar with it’s tone. (but don’t use it – about anybody!)
  
  
  
  
• 

  pr_capone

  hmmmmm........

  done but it doesnt look all that good.

  PFC District Overbeer
• 

  ApagaLaLuz

  I've had the same problem. I work offline typing a post and then it wont paste.

  Bastard huh? How about: When I was in England I met some Bastards, but they didnt compare to some of the Wankers that drive buses.

  Do I get an 'A' on my homework?
• 

  blackout

  Ah Unc? You might think I'm a cheeky little bugger but I think you may have forgotton Bloody Bastard and Stinkin' Bastard and Filthy Bastard. Which perhaps may be more common up here on the north coast (or else they are more common amongst the younger generation) Oh also Poor Bastard.
• 

  Dansk

  Yep,

  it’s ‘a

  That’s Australian all right!
• 

  Dansk

  bloody thing won't paste!!

  Cobblers! Ya just want yer mugshot shown umpteen times. OK! NOW WE ALL KNOW WHAT YA LOOK LIKE!
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  Maverick

  Who ever said Australians speak English? I was in country for a month and understood one word in five. Everyone sounded like they had a month full of marbles. As for being understood, I would lay on the Southern accent and the locals all looked at Blackguard as if the say, "Translate that will you matey?" At least Blackguard understood me. We were in Bunnings and I called out, Hey goober!', and he was the only person to look around! Maverick
• 

  Satanus

  So, there's no hosers in australia, then?

  SS