Australian for beginers. lesson 1 (page 4)

Dansk

Hey Unc,

This’s the most hilarious thread I’ve read since coming here. Ha Ha Ha, Ho Ho Ho, Tee-hee-hee. I’m almost in tears, man!

Thanks for such a good laugh.

Dansk

ozziepost

Dansk,

Didn't you know about the Oz crowd before???? Struth mate, you'll be telling us next ya don't know Croc Dundee! Now HE had a knife!

Cheers, Ozzie

Englishman

...that's not a knife..This is a knife!

I can't believe tha tno-one's mentioned the wonderful Australian philosophers who have so raised Ozzie culture.

Only Monty Python appreciated them!

Philosophers song

Immanual Kant was a real pissant
Who was very rarely stable

Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar
Who could think you under the table

David Hume could out consume
Schopenhauer and Hegel

And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
Who was just as schloshed as Schlegel

There's nothing Nietzche couldn't teach ya
'Bout the raising of the wrist
Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed

John Stuart Mill, of his own free will
On half a pint of shandy was particularly ill

Plato they say, could stick it away
Half a crate of whiskey every day

Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle
Hobbes was fond of his dram

And Rene' Descartes was a drunken fart
"I drink, therefore I am"

Yes, Socrates, himself, is particularly missed
A lovely little thinker
But a bugger when he's pissed

Englishman.

unclebruce

No use try'n ta stir the possum now, Englishman. We colonials can match that old monty python piss-pot song anyday.

Stay tune for the bush poetry i'll be bung'n on in lesson two ... yes folks .. us Aussies are tak'n over the bored - from now on every week is bush week!

unclebruce

ps: It's no use trying to put the gas back in the horse once she's bolted!

ozziepost

us Aussies are tak'n over the bored

See what happens when Unc gets himself computers! Just like a kid in a lolly shop!!

Now, listen mate, don't mention pizza toppings....oh, and whatever you do, don't talk about the war!!!

Cheers, Ozzie

unclebruce

like a kid in a lolly shop

Heeeeey "lolly shop" was lesson 32! All the shops in this town close at 9 o'clock - I'll be dream'n o' mixed lollies all night now ya cruel bas%@#!

unclebruce

ozziepost

Ya mean you're going to bed???

Aren't ya watching BBC World?

Ozzie

unclebruce

I'm in a war free zone ozzie

no TV and i can't see any fireworks from here .. you'll tell me when it's over won't ya?

unclesnooze

ps: it's after midnight and i got a big day tommorow dad. (teaching w.i.r.e.s. courses is much more fun than giving talks at kingdom halls, i can tell ya

ozziepost

don't forget your talk outline, unc! Enjoy your day.

Ozzie

bebu

I knew some folks from Australia back when we were in Japan, and also from 'way back while I was in college. We even hosted some girls from Australia for a few nights while I was in high school. Boy, was I glad to have already studied "Strine" from a book I had run across earlier! As a result, I was able to understand them more than most people could. Now, after this simple lesson, Americans too might be able to go watch "Crocodile Dundee" and finally understand all the jokes you missed...

"Let Stalk Strine!"

Air Fridge: A mean sum, or quantity; also, ordinary, not extreme. As in, The air fridge person; the air fridge man in the street.

Baked Necks: A popular breakfast dish. Others include emma necks; scremblex; and fright shops.

Cheque Etcher: Did you obtain. As in, "Where cheque etcher hat?" or "Where cheque etcher dim pull, son? Where cheque etcher big blue wise?"

Doan Lemmyaf: I do not want to have. As in: "Arn jew kids in bare jet? Emeny times die affter tellyer. Now doan lemmyaf to speak dear Ken."

Egg Jelly: In fact; really. As in, "Well, there's nothing egg jelly the matter with her. It's jess psycholigical."

Flares: Blooms, blossoms; e.g., corn flares, wile flares, etc., as in, (Q). "Wet cheque etta flares?" (A) "Glaria sarnthay. I gom airtat Sairf Nils."

Garbler Mince: Within the next half hour. Also Greetings. As in, " I'll be with you in a garbler mince," or "With the garbler mince of the Gem of Directors."

Harps: Thirty minutes past the hour. As: Harps two; harps four; harps tait; etc. Related words are: Fipes; temps; corpse. As: Fipes one; temps two; corpse four.

Jess Tefter; Lefter. It is necessary to. As in, "She'll jess tefter get chews twit," or "You lefter filner form."

Letty Mare Fit: Let him have it. As in, "Letty mare fit tiffy wonsit. Zarf trawly zonier kid."

Mare chick: Effects produced by the assistance of supernatural powers. As: Black mare chick; mare chick momence; "Laugh, your mare chick spell is airfree ware."

Numb Butter; Jessa (synonyms): Only. As in: "They're numb butter buncher drongoes," or "He's jessa no-hoper."

Orpheus Rocker: Psychopathic; neurotic; psychotic; slow; quick; eccentric; absentminded; unstable; imaginative; introspective; creative; or in any way different.

Retrine: Making an effort. As in, "How to speak Strine without retrine."

Sex: Large cloth bags used as containers for such things as potatoes, cement, etc. As in: sex of manure, corn sex, etc.

Uppendan: To and fro; backward and forward. As in, "She walked uppendan Flinner Street farairs an then she finey got a cabbome to Cannerbry."

Would Never: Do not have. As in, "You would never light woodgermite?" or "Ar would never glue."

Zarf Trawl: Because, after all. As in, "Zarf trawl Leica nony doomy Bess," or "Zarf trawl wee rony flesh and blood wennit Saul boiled down."

(Mr. Afferbeck Lauder takes all the credit for this!)

What is the lesson after "B"?

bebu

Australian for beginers. lesson 1

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