ARS,
Oh my. Spanking the bees nest a bit again are we? There have been multiple others who come on here, throw up a few rude posts calling people stupid etc..., all the while not realizing the irony since they are not exactly winning anyone back to the faith with sarcasm.
I was raised a JW. I was disfellowshipped once when I was a teenager. Messed around with a girl. I was heartbroken. We stopped our relationship and I refused to go to college so I could pioneer. I felt I had some make up to do. I was one of the guys going out in service by themselves to be able to make my time.
I pioneered for a couple years. I stopped to go to trade school. After that i worked. I moved around with a couple friends. One of which went to MTS school. he had a special assignment so I accompanied him as his roomate. As I got older, and some time passed between me and the stain on my record, I was able to receive more "privileges" in the congregation. Eventually I met a pioneer sister and we married. We made it a goal to serve in a foreign country for at least a year, and we did. We saved all we had, left our home and jobs, and were need greaters. By that time I was an MS. In a small remote congregation I was used as an Elder, though I was not one officially.
Fast forward a few years, the brick that toppled for me first was our incredible hubris with the blood doctrine. I worked with it for a while, and tried to stay in for the good. I began learning Koine Greek, a little biblical Hebrew (just the basics mind you), and began to engage in apologetics back when you could find JW's on the internet defending our faith.
In doing so, while I was arguing against the Trinity and other minutia, my conscience was bothering me regarding blood, bloodguilt, and now I was about to have a baby. I allowed myself to research and think differently. I took concerns and thoughts to the elders, who not only could not answer the questions, but treated me harshly. it was then I realized I had been lied to. Not on purpose neccesarily, but I had been lied to.
I stopped wasting my life. I am still figuring out exactly what I thinkadn feel, but I am able to do so free of the negatives associated with "group think" and the obvious contradictions from the leadership. I am sure you see them.
I am happy to report my wife now has recently stopped attending. we do so knowing we will lose almost all of our family, as they have told us very directly they would shun us.....despite there being no sin (at least no more than usual).
Now.......was I as you put it.....a "REAL" JW? The realest.
May I ask to the point of your post bit further? I am genuinely trying to figure out what your premise was.