Speak to him and also the elders and explain that as a parent, you would prefer he was of a mature age before making such a huge commitment.
Just found out their about to baptise my 14 year old boy.
by Crazyguy 63 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse
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KateWild
Crazyguy, sorry this is happening. My son is 14 too. I feel your pain. Sorry that your planting seeds hasn't worked for you.
My son has seen injustice in the congregation so his bad experience has shaped his opinions and planting seeds has been successful for me.
I hope you find a solution and stop the baptism
Kate xx
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KateWild
WMF,
When you say we told you, who told him? Have you got the thread?
Sometimes the efforts parents put in don't work. It's a cult.
Kate xx
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Driving Force
And that is it, let your son hate you for a bit but I wouldn't tell him anything just yet about why, because he is probably very much brainwashed at this moment and will tell them what you said.
This is spot on, he is brainwashed, do not attack the cult.
I have had some very good advice from psychologist that I applied with my daughter, who has just turned 15, and it works, she no longer wants anything to do with the Cult.
The advice was, do not attack the Cult, do not try to draw the child into a loyalty conflict, offer you child an alternative. This offering the child an alternative is a difficult one to implement the other points are relatively easy.
I see in your case it is just before baptism, one suggestion
i would get a court order to stop it! it's for his safety
from GTTM seems good if you have the courage to do that.
He will hate you for it, but love you lots later. And with such things as a court order the Elders will back off.
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mana11
Grazyguy, time you realized that passive doesn't work always.
"PROTECT YOUR SONS"
Stand up and Be the Man of the house. It is easy to be meek, but you kids future is at stake, and nothing else is more important than that is it?.
Now you are at high odds of you soon being shunned by your own kids!. how CRAZY is that?..
Even if you were not living with your wife, worldwide courts have shown that they agree that until a child is of legal age they will support the petition to stop even attendance to the cults meetings.
I would take your boys and get them to join a worldly club, sports clubs are best, join too so you get to have an active role. and encourage your boys to join even several clubs. do it for them. encourage other worldly friendships. Break the cycle completely that YOU have put them into.
We all have to stand up and be counted sometimes?. Do it for your Children regardless of the consequences.
Once they make worldly friends the org naturally will dropped them.
Make a Stand as a Man for them to follow,
Letting a brother study with your kids is poor, it tells that other brother and elders that you are not the head of your house, they don't respect you mate.
Stand up for your kids and let them know that this is a cult, tell your wife and kids that you don't want them attending anymore. sit them all down together and tell them the facts.
Getting them involved with other groups before you do so will help them greatly to adjust.
Good luck!
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wheelwithinwheel
Perhaps you should concentrate on your wife. Point out local examples of baptised and unbaptised kids in your area that have left. Accentuate the difference in the family dynamics depending on the kids baptismal status. Bring up the very real possibilities of what could happen to her 14 year old. Ask her if she really wants to be forbidden all contact with her son for the rest of her life. I think most moms need to be warned...and reminded often. They really suffer when it happens. And it does. Often.
Wheels
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tiki
You have my sympathy...a 14 year old male is just a kid...hes probably anxious to fit in, to please.....definitely sit down with him and nonconfrontationally endeavor to get his honest feelings.....you should also let him know that nothing will ever stand between the two of you...including religious choices. That done I would have a sit down with mom and make her understand that an adolescent getting dunked is not going to ensure he always remains on the straight and narrow. He will grow up...his feelings and opinions will change and major decisions made this early in life do not necessarily reflect adult choices to come......?and keep us posted. I hope you will successfully stop this madness..... -
The Searcher
Oh man, you should have read "The Road Less Travelled" by M. Scott Peck a long time ago - and prevented this situation ever coming up.
If I was in your place, first and foremost, I'd do what a courtroom judge would do if your son was the subject of a blood transfusion dispute - ask him a point-blank question to see if he understands and can explain things for himself: "What is your reason (singular!!) for wanting to be baptized?"
It's 99.9% certain he'll spout out several of the Org's programmed reasons for baptism - dedicate my life to Jehovah, because it's "the truth", get everlasting life, witness for Jehovah, help others to do the same, etc., etc.
The only scriptural answer he should give - but won't - is found at Acts 2:38 - "Peter replied, “Each of you must repent of your sins and turn to God, and be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. Then you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit."
As head of your household and father of your children, you are responsible for your child's physical, mental, and spiritual wellbeing - not the recruiting sergeants at the local K.H.
Do not give your son the answer; just tell him that as his father, you want him to wait until he's a bit older and mature enough to make such a life-changing decision for himself - without prodding or pressure from anyone!
Having done so, be prepared to tell the wolves at the door, "Thank you for your apparent interest in my child, but as his father and legal guardian, I'll decide what is best for him until he's able to make such lifelong decisions for himself." Rinse & repeat, then terminate the conversation abruptly if they try to interrogate you.
Your son isn't old enough or mature enough to drive a car, buy alcohol, have sex, or drive a car. In the U.K., he's not old enough to buy fireworks!!!
Your son's life and mental welfare are at stake here; are you going to save him, or throw him to the wolves?
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chicken little
Just to warn you of a possibility. We had two young girls studying in our congregation, their parents were not attending meetings or interested after an initial period of study. They did not want their girls to get baptized so it was all kept secret and the baptism was arranged at a private home with a pool. We were told not to talk about it. That is the theocratic war technique that they justify in such circumstances. These girls were 16 and 17 years old from a muslim background (parents were very western minded, not religious really).
Both girls are out of the religion now but it caused so much tension and division in the family.
Be aware.
I know of over 20 young ones from my previous congregation that are out now. Some paid the price when being disfellowshipped at an early age. It is awful the guilt that is heaped upon them to stay or return if they have left.
The video on youtube with the young collage girl explaining why she is not a Jw any longer would be good for your son to see, it is a young person talking to other young people, hard to ignore the message she is getting across.
All the best
Chicken little
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blondie
I was encouraged by the elders to study with a 15 year old young woman whose parents did not want her to study with jws. We would meet at my home behind their backs. I finally realized that this was wrong and that she should obey her parents until she was 18 and living on her own. (Just reporting not supporting the info below)
*** w73 11/1 pp. 671-672 Questions From Readers ***
● If a young person is forbidden by his father (or his mother) to study the Bible or to associate with Jehovah’s Christian witnesses, is he obligated to obey in these matters?—U.S.A.
The Bible commands children: “Be obedient to your parents in union with the Lord, for this is righteous.” (Eph. 6:1) “Be obedient to your parents in everything, for this is well-pleasing in the Lord.” (Col. 3:20) As firm advocators of the Bible, Jehovah’s witnesses constantly urge youths to follow that divine advice. However, the fact that the Lord Jesus Christ is brought into the matter shows that obedience to parents is not absolute. The authority of Jesus Christ is far greater than that of any earthly father. Jesus has been given ‘all authority in heaven and on the earth,’ and is the “head of every man.”—Matt. 28:18; 1 Cor. 11:3.
Accordingly, whenever a father demands that his children disobey the law of Christ and hence also the law of God, he is going beyond the realm of his authority. At such times, therefore, children have to decide what they will do. For example, what if a father commands his son to steal, lie, cheat or engage in other lawless acts? The son may be aware that God forbids these things. Hence, a son may choose to obey the superior law of God and of Christ and not go along with his father.
Even the law of the land places a certain responsibility on children in this regard. It may hold a child accountable for committing a crime at the direction of the father. Says American Jurisprudence: “A child acting under his parents’ command may, in a proper case, be excused for a crime committed by him, although the father’s command does not always excuse the infant in committing a crime. When a child commits an unlawful act in the presence of his father, at his direction, and because of the criminal intent of the father, it must appear that the child was of immature years or mind and entirely under the domination, direction, and control of the father, before the crime becomes that of the father, and not of the child.”
Similarly, the law of God does not excuse children for lawless acts merely on the basis of their being minors. For instance, when small boys showed gross disrespect for the prophet Elisha, Jehovah God did not spare them from punishment, even though it may have been the attitude of their parents toward Elisha that moved them to do it. (2 Ki. 2:23, 24) This illustrates that Jehovah God holds children accountable for knowingly violating his commands.
Of course, very young children neither know nor understand all of God’s requirements. Therefore, even if only one parent is a true servant of God, young children are mercifully viewed as holy or clean from God’s standpoint. (1 Cor. 7:14) Of course, the believing parent has a responsibility of teaching the children the divine will regardless of the attitude of the unbelieving mate. (Prov. 6:20) Then, as children grow older, they come under responsibility before God to act in harmony with what they know to be right. This includes matters relating to true worship. It is God’s will that his approved servants study his Word, assemble with fellow believers and proclaim Bible truth to still others.—Matt. 24:14; John 17:3; Heb. 10:24, 25.
However, if a father forbade such Christian activity, the children might reasonably and respectfully explain their position to him. Such an explanation will carry weight when backed up by exemplary conduct. Really the father should have no legitimate complaint to make about children who are seeking to do the divine will. If children can help him to appreciate that they have become better sons and daughters since starting to study God’s Word, this can do much to break down any prejudice. It can help him to see that his children are a real credit to him and stand out in stark contrast with the growing number of disrespectful and lawless youths in the world today. After reflecting on such points he may not at all object to his children’s continuing to pursue a course that is making it easier for him as family head.
There are times when children are the only ones in a family that want to learn about God’s Word. They might come to the home of one of Jehovah’s witnesses and ask Bible questions or even attend meetings at the Kingdom Hall. If parents demand that their children cease all association with Jehovah’s witnesses, the children will have to decide what they are going to do on the basis of what they know to be right. If parents begin directly supervising every aspect of the activity of their children and cut them off from all possible association with Jehovah’s Christian witnesses, this does not prevent youths from demonstrating their desire to do God’s will by maintaining fine conduct, studying the Bible on their own and praying that the time may come when they will be freer to pursue true worship and can continue to seek the permission of their parents to share more fully in Christian activity.
On the other hand, though denying a child’s request to attend Christian meetings or to let a minister come and study the Bible with him, perhaps the parents do not exercise any strict supervision. What is the responsibility of Jehovah’s Christian witnesses toward such a child? Jehovah’s witnesses rightly respect the wishes of parents as to what will be done in their own home. But this does not mean that Jehovah’s witnesses cannot answer Bible questions raised by youths who visit them or who meet them on the street or elsewhere. Jehovah’s witnesses have no responsibility to turn children away from their Kingdom Halls because parents may not want them to attend meetings there. The Bible says: “Let anyone that wishes take life’s water free.” (Rev. 22:17) If youths are among those desiring life’s water, who is there that should turn them away? Jesus Christ told his disciples: “Let the young children alone, and stop hindering them from coming to me, for the kingdom of the heavens belongs to suchlike ones.”—Matt. 19:14.