Is everyone bitter against JW's?

by Redneckgurl 38 Replies latest jw friends

  • rocketman
    rocketman

    One common way that jws dismiss any criticism is simply to lump it in under some generalization, like 'people who are bitter'. This makes them feel better and keeps them from exploring what is actually said about their religion.

    Some people do get bitter. No wonder, considering that some were victims of child abuse that went unreported and unchecked, some are actively shunned by family members, and some gave their all to a religion that just left them feeling empty and guilty. Others gave up excellent educational opportunities for the jw religion. Some may have seen loved ones die rather than accept blood (I recently met a non-jw man in the door-door work who could not forgive the jws for his mother's death after her refusal to accpet blood).

    But not everyone here is bitter, as the posts indicate. Some are simply questioning a religion that practically forbids questioning. They are trying to open their minds and examine other possibilities, which again is practically taboo among jws. Some have seen the changes in WT doctrine, like the "generation" teaching and have felt deceived.

    But again, it's easy to classify it all as sour grapes, and doing so makes it easy to dismiss, and that's what jws are told to do.

  • Guest 77
  • Guest 77
    Guest 77

    No, bitterness is wasted energy. Invite him to read positive posts.

    Guest 77

  • Big Tex
    Big Tex
    bitter exJW's who are angry at the org for something

    To me that says more about the organization than it does the people. Otherwise, why would so many be bitter?

    I'm not bitter any longer. I was when I left in 1989. Bitter and very sad. I didn't want to leave. At the time I truly believed in what they taught. But my conscience would not allow me to stay. I could not in good conscience support any organization that teaches a rape victim must prove they didn't "ask for it". Or a child must provide two eyewitnesses to their rape in order for the elders just to consider taking action. This is not a case of "oh well these are imperfect people". No. These rules, and others like them, are evil. They protect the monstrous at the expense of the innocent. The God I was taught about would not coexist with that level of pathology.

    Your hubby doesn't sound ready to leave. Just be patient with him and let him move at his own speed. I waited for my wife for 13 years to leave. It was hard but she didn't want to leave either.

  • proplog2
    proplog2

    Truth can be defended. Truth is up to any challenge. Make sure of ALL things?

  • Sentinel
    Sentinel

    I can truly say I am not bitter against the JW's. This is not to say that I was never upset with certain individuals or the way things were done--all the rules and lack of love. I was very upset.

    Anyone who is bitter should be allowed to work through their own emotions. Validation of deep pain and hurt is necessary; but then, also it should be a wake-up call to figure out why and move ahead to a less painful way to live. If one is bitter, there can be no happiness.

    We are essentially each responsible for our own choices. If we were "born" in the truth, we become an adult at some point. Even along the way to becoming an adult, as early as our teens, we begin to question everything about our life, including our "faith".....whether or not it is really "our" faith, or something just handed down to us. At some point, we do make that decision "ourselves", whether or not we continue along the same path that has been laid out for us, or if we will deviate onto our own course, chosen deliberately from personal conclustions.

    If we became a JW when we were adults, or our parents chose for us before we were old enough to make decisions for ourselves, then the same would still apply. At some point, when "you" realize that there is a problem, it is up to you to remove yourself from that influence--thus, leaving the JW organization.

    If we were a member, and we knew the rules up front, and then later we were repremanded for something, --whatever, we must face the consequences of our choices in life. We are responsible and no one else. If something is hurting you, then remove yourself from it. Don't allow it to have that power over you. Yes, there are consequences such as being shunning, but then that is part of the informed adult choice that was made when we got baptized as an adult. (Remember, how we, as consumers, are always told to read the fine print?)

    Everyone's situation is different, but the bottom line is, it's your life, your choice. It's very painful to face ourselves and our own issues. When doing so, we usually have to make a change, and change is not so easy when we are used to our "comfort zone", no matter if it is wrong or unhealthy. The best thing we can do for others who are in so much bitter turmoil, is to "show" them a different way. We can't change them, but we can change ourselves. Perhaps they will "see" something in us that they wish to have. That is a beginning.

  • rocketman
    rocketman
    We are essentially each responsible for our own choices. If we were "born" in the truth, we become an adult at some point. Even along the way to becoming an adult, as early as our teens, we begin to question everything about our life, including our "faith".....whether or not it is really "our" faith, or something just handed down to us. At some point, we do make that decision "ourselves", whether or not we continue along the same path that has been laid out for us, or if we will deviate onto our own course, chosen deliberately from personal conclustions.

    The point that Sentinel makes here is a good one, and it's also something that jws want other who belong to other religions to do. And that being so, any person ought to be able to freely question the religion they find themselves in. Do jw's really allow their fellow witnesses to do that though? Not really. Such a person often ends up wearing a label, such as "bitter", "weak", "given to doubts".

  • nowisee
    nowisee

    i think it might be helpful to differentiate "Jehovah's Witnesses", the corporate entity which is governed by the direction of the fds from individual jehovah's witnesses.

    the corporate entity (supported by the hierarchy of elders and other overseers) has often seemed vested in protecting its own interests and power above and beyond the well-being of the flock; they have turned a deaf ear to cries for help, both from those with doctrinal questions and those who have suffered physical abuse. they have been deceptive and unforthcoming with honesty and truth. far too often they have not taken responsibility for their errors, they have not tried to right wrongs they have propagated. in far too many cases they have been lacking in the most important Christian quality, i.e. love. whether this has been deliberate or not, only God can be the judge.

    it is difficult for those who have been wounded by actions/lack of action of the corporate entity not to be angry and bitter, at least for a time. this is only human.

    ultimately though, as previously mentioned, we are responsible for our own choices. bitterness hurts most the one expressing it and in the end is self-destructive. so i think the best possible outcome is to move past the bitterness, and if possible help to prevent others from experiencing the same negative things.

    i think that is why there are so many exjws here on this forum. being able to relate and share past experiences is very cathartic. in a way it is a form of therapy. having your own experiences validated by those who have shared them can allow one to heal and move on.

    may there be healing for all those who are in need of it.

    nowisee

  • MYOHNSEPH
    MYOHNSEPH

    I'm not bitter at the individuals I happen to know who are still JWs. Most of them, I dearly love. But I despise the manipulative and deceitful organization which has them in it's grip.

    He says I am only emotional about this, and trying to find reasons to prove all the things I have learned as wrong.

    Isn't he the one who should be able to show reasons why he, or you, should accept the teachings of the WBTS as "the truth". My wife is still an active JW, but she also tries to be a balanced and sensible person. Trying to appeal that reason and sensibility, I recently proposed this to her:

    Give me just one solid thing, not something contingent on interpretation or perception, not an assumption, but something concrete and provable, that the Watchtower Society has ever said which has actually come to pass or can be established as truth and which should convince any reasonable, objective minded person that it is indeed the sole earthly recipient of God's spirit and direction.

    The only response I have received thus far, was just a puzzled look. But, I do believe it caused her to stop and think, just a little!

  • AlanF
    AlanF

    The charge by JWs that ex-JWs are "bitter" is typical of JWs who have no answer for criticisms against their religion. They substitute an emotion-based dismissal for reasoned argument.

    To be bitter is to be intensely reproachful, to harbor intense animosity, to have a great deal of cynicism and rancor towards someone.

    To be sure, in a large population of abuse victims -- and Jehovah's Witnesses are often victims of abuse by their leaders -- you're guaranteed to find bitter people, but that does not mean that every victim is bitter. Nor does it mean that criticism of the abuse is bad.

    Being bitter is not necessarily bad. If you were a victim of Nazi persecution and the Nazi's killed every member of your family, you'd have every right to be bitter. In fact, something would be wrong with you if you weren't. You'd need to take care that your bitterness didn't eat you up, but you'd still have every right to be bitter against your persecutors.

    If you are a JW and the JW organization comes to persecute you by disfellowshipping you and preventing every member of your family from having a warm relationship with you, you have every right to be bitter.

    But not everyone who suffers like that becomes bitter. Many remain fairly calm and are able to express reasoned criticisms of the Watchtower and its leaders. Many JWs dismiss such reasoned criticism as the mere product of uninformed emotionalism. Why? Because it makes dismissal easy.

    Reasoned criticisms are also often expressed by people who are bitter. Being bitter does not automatically make a person unreasonable or unable to offer valid criticism. The fact that many bitter people are unreasonable does not invalidate reasoned criticsims.

    Very often, people gradually come to a realization that JWs are not teaching the truth in certain areas. They become uncomfortable with these false teachings, and so they begin to investigate more thoroughly. Once they do, they keep on uncovering more and more false teachings, and they usually begin to uncover abuse. Once they pass a certain point of tolerance, a sort of mental switch flips and they no longer look at the JWs like they used to. Rather than looking for reasons to excuse the false teachings, they look for more examples of false teachings.

    It is when that mental switch flips that they become ex-JWs in their own minds, and they often begin expressing themselves. Sometimes their expressions are far from tactful. No matter, if the criticism comes from an ex-JW, JWs -- trained by the Society itself -- almost always label it as the product of a bitter person so as to be able to dismiss it without thinking about its validity. It is this mindset, aided and abetted by JW leaders, that proves that Jehovah's Witnesses are a dangerous and destructive cult, because they subvert a person's mind.

    It's easy to show why even bitter criticism should not be dismissed without further consideration. Suppose that lone survivor of Nazi persecution were asked to be a witness against the Nazis at Nuremberg. The survivor recounted the death of his family in strong terms and shouted curses at the killers. Should the court have dismissed his testimony simply because he reacted to his family's death as any normal human being would? The answer is obvious. Yet that is exactly what JWs expect everyone to do whenever they hear criticisms of their religion.

    AlanF

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