I hate the thought of certain people I love dying. Like my Grandmother. She is my only grandparent left. And she is a spunky little red-head too, so we always have great conversations, because great red-heads think alike. She had a massive heart attack when I was 6, and only uses 40% of her heart. She had cancer surgery when I was 12. By all rights she shouldn't be here. We recently found out she has an enlarged heart now, so she gets breathless, and tires easily.
But she does what she can. And she and I get together to rant about world politics, and current events every few days. Sometimes we talk about old relatives I never knew. Sometimes we talk about death.
I told her I was reading about this new procedure for people with enlarged hearts, and I thought she should talk to her doctor about it. To which she calmly said, "Oh no...(deep sigh)...if I was younger sure, I would think about it, but I have had a long life. Everyone in my family died of either a heart-attack or cancer, and I had both! So I figure, when it's my time, it's my time. I've already had more days than any of them. I'm old. I should move on."
First off I was distraught. My grammy was talking about dying! She didn't even want to think about this procedure! I actually went home and cried because I thought about life without her.
But my tears quickly evaporated. My grammy isn't scared to die! She's lived a full life. And she has mentally prepared herself to go. She is not depressed by any means, so it's not like she WANTS to die. But she is ready to when it happens.
To me, that is the epitome of strength. It was just my selfishness that would want her to go through another surgery to prolong her already long life another few years (if it was a success).
So in answer to your question, am I scared of death? Nope. It doesn't seem scary to me...seems kind of peaceful? Like a comfortable eventuality. But then again, I am 23...talk to me in 40 years when I have cancer, or heart disease, or dementia, or whatever else.
But then again...I hope I have half the courage, strength, and grace that my grandma does, and maybe I will be ok...