me and my new girlfriend (page 2)

The Searcher

Welcome justthenorm.

Can you hear all the warnings you're being given?

At present, I'm still technically "in" the religion, and please believe me, you do not want to get involved with any girl who is a from a J.W. family - even if she's the most gorgeous girl you've ever seen!

Ask her out on dates when her meetings are taking place - Sundays & Thursdays - and see how she reacts.

Her parents, and everyone she knows, will abandon her if she continues going out/marries you.

I am very close to someone who is in exactly the same situation right now, and the elders and most of the congregation are making the J.W. girl's life very hard!

Heaven

justthenorm, welcome to our discussion board.

Boy oh boy, I do feel for you. If you are not a JW but dating one, then know this. The JWs' sole purpose in life is to convert people to their religion. They call it 'the life-saving work'.

Yes, some of their beliefs are good but so are many other religious groups' beliefs. If you are not a religious person this group is not going to fit for you. Have you taken a look at their publications?

Here are some questions you need to consider:

1) If I marry this girl and we have a child that requires a blood transfusion to stay alive, will we be allowed to let our baby have one?

2) Are we being made aware of child predators/pedophiles within the group?

3) Will our child be allowed to go to College or University?

4) Will we be allowed to celebrate Valentine's Day, Easter, May Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and birthdays?

5) If my gf/wife decides to leave the religion, will her friends and family continue to associate with her?

6) How much money are you willing to part with to support the JW 'world-wide work' and how frequently?

7) Are you prepared to be baptized in the religion, go door-to-door, and become an elder? (FYI, the sisters have recently been urged to marry only men of stature in the religion).

I could go on but these are some pretty important points to consider. I'm sure many others here on the board could add to this list.

JustMe2

If she believes what the Witnesses teach, she will believe that you are going to be killed at Armageddon. If she is active in the congregation, she may be angry at you because you're not "serving Jehovah and taking care of the family the way husbands should," (going to the meetings, out in service, etc.). Or she may be very sad because of it, or she may feel she's better than you because you're in "the world." Or maybe all three. None of these will make your marriage happy.

You may think she would never feel this way, but these are the feelings of many Witness women who have "unbelieving mates"--and an "unbelieving mate" is what you will be in Witness eyes.

JustMe2

I was trying to hit "Like" on John Free's comment, and accidentally hit "Dislike" instead. Sorry!

RobertT18

I know it's hard but if she's fully into the cult it will not work. My mother did this with my father, he was in the Army back then and they got married and she slowly converted him. Before he was a JW they struggled a lot, my father would come from work and no dinner, mum was out preaching. Basically it was cult first and him being always second. Of course, everything changed once he was fully indoctrinated, now I don't even know who he is anymore.

JustMe2

If I understand you correctly, you're concerned about where or how you could get have the wedding. Depending on where you live, that's the easy part. You could have a civil marriage, perhaps being married by a judge. (If you're not a Witness, you can NOT be married at the Kingdom Hall.)

What you really need to worry about, though, is what your life will be like AFTER you're married. That's the really hard part if you marry a Witness.

Heaven

RobertT18, that's pretty much the same thing that happened with my parents.

ThinkerBelle

I'm going to go against the grain here and before you dump her or stay away as others have said, find out her intentions with the religion. Maybe ipen her eyes as ithers have said with jwfacts and see where it goes. I married a "worldly" person when I was young because I got pregnant and was scared knowing full well the consequences within the religion ( he had actually studied prior as a child as his mom used to be in so he knew his JW stuff). My parents were upset, but they came to accept him and now we are all good. I did go back, but never pushed him to do anything and we would visit his relatives on holidays......my family even did that as most are not in. So gauge where she is at with her family as well because that is actually the hardest part, but even when I was out, my parents didnt shun me the way the org tells you to. If you really do like this girl, figure out some of those things before you jump into marriage, being disfellowshipped is hard when you're indoctrinated and there is a major pull to get back in because of family. But, it may not be the end of the world either if she's willing to leave and has a support system to help her ( does your family like her? Does she have "worldly" friends?).

John Aquila

justthenorm

You might be happy the first year but then it starts. Her family starts giving her a guilt trip, the elders start contacting her without your knowledge and secretly start spewing out all kinds of guilt inducing words. Little by little she will start transforming back to the crazy beliefs they all practice and you will not be able to do a single thing about it until finally the girl you fell in love with has now been transformed into a completely different person.

wisdomfrombelow

I have to wonder why you are asking a group of strangers about who you should marry. We don't know her and we don't know you. We know the doctrine of Jehovah's Witnesses but that is it. Having a religious incompatibility is a HUGE problem for many people. But there are a lot of other things that are just as big or bigger issues.

I have known some Jehovah Witness women who would not convert you or would leave the religion for their husband. A lot of it depends on how she feels about you and what are her individual priorities. But that is for you to find out. We can give you "hypothetical situations" and give you things to ask her or ponder over but it is your decision and if you are not sure then you probably already have your answer.

I know Jews who work on the Sabbath, Muslims who eat pork, Catholics who use birth control and Jehovah's Witnesses who don't preach. Find out who she is and how she feels and then make your decision. And know yourself and understand that even if she was the same religion as you or if you converted that still won't assure success in marriage.

Good luck but it is your decision and we don't know her or know you so make sure you are ready for marriage before you marry anyone.

me and my new girlfriend

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