Lifetime Regret for Not Expressing my Love to a Non-JW

by a-JW-girl 19 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Phizzy
    Phizzy

    I am very moved by your story, and your plight. Some of the comments you have received on here are very black and white, but where the heart is concerned, when we fall in love, the normal things that affect our judgement and actions don't always work.

    Simon wisely said that we cannot know how our fantasy would have worked out, whether we would have been happy, and whether the other person would.

    What has happened in your case is that love grew in the way that it does in a lasting relationship, starting from the dodgy base of attraction, then infatuation, and the accompanying fantasy, or two. Then becoming something bigger, something that will always be there, in your heart.

    We cannot turn the clock back, and it is especially important that we make the right decision for our future, and for others involved.

    I firmly believe your Therapist is right, the religion is holding you back from solving your emotional problems, but, to give it up, and the emotional support,the social interactions etc, that we call friendships, that are there in the religion, will be extremely difficult, and possibly damaging to yourself, as you could end up even more lonely than at present.

    Sometimes it is better to live with the regret that we didn't do something, and then, once done, we would have discovered what really might have been, good or bad, but we might have chased the dream, and ended up really hurt and disappointed. There are so many "what ifs" in life, we have to live with them, why not this one as well ?

    The guy in question maybe loves his wife, and you, but is a believer in loyalty, to keeping the vows he made, if his circumstances have not changed, I doubt you could change those admirable qualities of his.

    Whatever you decide, I wish you well, and may you be at peace with yourself.

  • enoughisenough
    enoughisenough
    Personally I would never trust a married person who was willing to be treacherous with an existing mate. It they would throw that person over for you, then they would throw you over for their next flame. Instead of regrets, you might consider you dodged a bullet. ( and that person wouldn't trust you either knowing you were willing to break up a marriage )
  • Phizzy
    Phizzy

    I have known a good number of successful relationships that have come after one, the other,or both ended a previous one, so to imply that it cannot work does not always apply, yes, you may feel that 100% trust is not possible, but thta may be a small price to pay fpor mutual happiness.

    There never is a black and white to these situations, or an adage that always works, without exception.

  • a-JW-girl
    a-JW-girl

    Thank you Phizzy, I think you nailed it. You described my feelings perfectly. Sometimes things happen that you can't control....it just happens. Regarding your other post about second relationships. I find that to be the rule rather than the exception. My sister is the perfect example. I know other people who have told me the same thing...they got a divorce and THEN found their prefect mate. Maybe it's just an experience thing, I don't know, but I do know it does happen a lot.

  • a-JW-girl
    a-JW-girl

    enoughisenough - I don't know about that....it's hard to make a sweeping generalization about a married person who finds someone else and that makes them a serial cheater. Remember, I knew this person for 20+ years and while we were never intimate or was he unfaithful with me, I knew what he was doing all the time and there were no other women. He had friends who were women but he wouldn't have to time to cheat with and them or even devote time to them. It wasn't like he was a player and went around seducing women for sexual reasons and then move on to the next. This thing between us just happened and as far as I know, nothing similar happened with any other woman and him. We were just too close for me not to notice or know about another relationship. The last thing I would think, if he had left his wife, was that he'd be with me and then find someone else. It wasn't like that at all.

  • punkofnice
    punkofnice

    a-JW-grill. I'll be perfectly honest, your story was a bit too long for me to read. But, by judging what others have said as I skimmed through, I can only say, all things happen for a reason. Be-it a crap reason or good.

    The reality is that in life we get bored with things and people.

    You'd never live 'happily ever after' with this person. It just rarely happens.

    I for one, will not let another person define me.

    The fact that you're not with this geezer isn't a problem. I feel the problem is imagination and romanticism that are diametrically opposed to reality.

    Yes, the past haunts me to this day but I won't let it stifle me too much.

  • a-JW-girl
    a-JW-girl

    punkofnice - you seem to have a very dim view of life...."in life we get bored with things and people" "you'd never live happily ever after" "not with this geezer" I thought I was depressed....wow...Maybe you should read it before commenting? Just a thought.

  • punkofnice
    punkofnice
    jw-grill you seem to have a very dim view of life

    I speak from experience, I hope. Mayhap, we all experience life differently.

    .Maybe you should read it before commenting? Just a thought.

    Perhaps.

    EDIT to add - I go along with much of what was said by Schopenhauer.

    I believe that love is an illusion. It is just an evolutionary trick to make the species reproduce.


  • Mum
    Mum

    I find this story similar to the one of Princess Margaret and Peter Townsend. If you don't know about it, look it up. I once had a similar fantasy about a worldly guy I was in love with, but he lived on the wild side. I pined about it for years, but I came to realize that, though there was a strong attraction, we were really incompatible.

  • a-JW-girl
    a-JW-girl

    Was it a fantasy or did you have an actual relationship? This man is as far from living on the "wild side". The way he lived was similar to how JW's conduct themselves. He was very respectful, never used foul language, didn't like people who did, rarely drank alcohol and, if he did, never to the point of getting drunk. I think that might've been why we were so compatible, we were similar types of people. I did try to bring him into the religion, we spoke about it, I gave him our publications and DVD's but he wasn't an overly religions person. When we discussed why he wasn't, he would simply say that God would want us to act a certain why and live our lives as good people and he said he didn't need to attend services in a man-made religion to achieve that. I have to admit I had a hard time justifying why JW's do what they do and how what he was doing was wrong. He was sure God looked at him as a good person and he was confident of that.

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