I've been recently reinstated & am very happy about it. I do love righteous (love & justice) and I do hate wickedness ( selfishness & sin). I do love Jehovah and the Bible truths & wisdom. I pray, study, attend meetings. I haven't been out in service though for ages ( because I was inactive/left the org & then df recently). I'm working on getting back in service very soon though. I just moved to a new state and new congregation & don't know anyone. I have been only going for 3 weeks so I know some people as acquaintance but no friends yet ( I have only seen them at meetings- no personal time with anyone). I'm mid 40s, divorced/single and an empty nester. I have no family in the org. Its just me & I feel very alone.
Isolation and Depression has been eating away at me & I've been having very negative & hopless thoughts about this life/existence. I understand the paradise earth is a wonderful future hope & God will wipe every tear from our eyes. In the meantime, however, it feels like an empty & joyless existence filled with constant sadness and struggle. I feel like I could die of loneliness and sadness. That nothing in this life is worth pursuing- after all its all vanity & chasing after the wind. Everything has been ruined by Satan's influence and the only safe place is the org/congregation. I do feel happy about spiritual things but I'm living in this world too - with no support.
I can't talk to anyone about this on the outside ( mental health counselor) because it could be a bad impression on the org plus they won't understand where I'm coming from anyway. I can't talk to anyone on the inside because then I'll be excluded even more. Doomed either way.
I know that isolating myself magnify's my depression. But I have no friends or family. So isolation is.kind of forced on me. I can't outrun it!
I'm not sure the point of this post, just the same as I'm not sure the point of this life.