It's my birthday, I am mourning my lost childhood.

aojumper

I am so angry right now, so hurt that my family allowed my brain to be washed and hung out to dry, and then have the nerve to tell me I am on the wrong path.

I wonder how do people let others do this to them?! Why?! I wish I had kept the strength that I remember I had as a very young child and told them all to go to hell! I wish I had never allowed them to incur the damage that they did.

I want to go to brooklyn and single-handedly choke each and every pompous, prick of the WBTS till their scrawny legs kick one last feeble time. I want to drive by a Kingdom hall and chuck a Molotov Cocktail through the window.

My inner child hurts.

K

Scully

First of all......... HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Second of all.... you can't change the past. Period. Point fingers and feel sorry for yourself and blame your parents and the WTS and feel hard done by all you like, but that doesn't change anything. This is the first day of the rest of your life. (Yes, it's a tired, worn-out cliché, but it's the truth.) Rather than living in the past so much, why not use your birthday as a launching point instead? Make some decisions about where you want to be in six months, a year, five years or whatever. Then look at finding ways to make them happen. If you need therapy, get it. If you need medication for depression, find out what is going to work for you. If you want an education, go back to school. If you want a different job, go make it happen, with whatever training is available to you. If you want to get married and have a family of your own, you can do that too (but if you have issues to sort through, get them sorted out first before you inflict them on a spouse and children).

It isn't going to be easy, but nothing worthwhile is ever easy. Look at what you are going to do as an investment in yourself. There's nothing more valuable than investing in yourself.

I hope you will take today to reflect on your future and what you want it to be. It can be anything you want, if you're willing to put the effort into making it happen.

Life is out there for the taking. Get out there and enjoy it.

It's your birthday..... now go out there and have some fun!

Love, Scully

seven006

Jumper,

Don't pull the trigger yet, things get better. I don't think there is one single person on this board who was raised in the cult that hasn't felt exactly as you do right now. Blowing up a kingdom hall isn't the answer, it's a nice dream but try to just keep it at that, a dream.

Try to keep in mind that there are millions of people who had a lot worse childhood's than any of us did. There are kids all over the world that got their food from garbage dumps and slept at night in rat infested holes under the streets of their impoverished cities. There are thousands of kids running around without parents or a home to live in and they sniff glue to kill their hunger pains and blur their minds to the ugly life they are forced to live.

How you feel about how you were raised is completely based on your own personal perspective on how life could have been and how it was in reality. The "could have been's" are over, the will be's" are still in front of you. Accept the fact that you were brought up different. Accept the fact that you will always be a bit different. If you think about it, everyone you meet is a bit different and there are many factors that attribute to that state of being. Your different is just different from someone else's different, when it's all tallied up the only similarity between you, us, and them is the details of what makes us the same in our differences.

Let the anger run it's course. Go find a green bible and light it on fire. Go to a laundry mat, find a watchtower and awake and then take them out to a secluded place and piss all over them. The sooner the anger gets put in it's proper place, the sooner you can start to get on with your life. Once you start to be happy in your life out of the cult, you begin to win. As long as your past life keeps you angry, you are still living it. Beat it, piss on it, and begin to move on.

Your past will always be with you, your future is what YOU choose to make it.

Dave

aojumper

Thanks guys,

I am not usually feeling sorry for myself, It just get's to this day and I remember when I was six years old, and I walked out all sleepy headed that morning and turned on Sesame Street, and there was a cartoon of a little girl doing cartwheels, saying, "Six,Six, I'm six years old today" and my mother turned to me and said, "Your six today!" That was it. No appreciation for the gift that God gave her (and I was a gift ), no realization that God did and does celebrate my birth. Just... your six today...

While most children at least got to feel special one day a year, I got shoved into JWism. I think that was the last time I remember being slightly alive until I left almost 20 years later.

I have pretty much gotten on with my life, I have started a company, I have a wonderful husband, some great friends, and I love to celebrate others birthdays, and holidays, It just gets me down sometimes, when I look at my little brother who turned 13 on thursday, and all I could do was get him a balloon cause he can't feel special, he's just a JW. It kills me.

Dave, I am going on a green bible hunt, and I'm gonna start doing my laudry at a mat. That's awesome advice. thank you

K

Ghost of Esmeralda

((((((((((((K)))))))))))))))))) a hug for you, and for your inner child, too.

I am so glad i'm able to give my child the birthdays that I never got to have. It does get easier as time goes on. The hurt will most likely never leave you entirely, but it will become, for the most part, endurable...

Happy Birthday!

~Essie's ghost

seven006

Jumper.

Iv been out of the cult for 19 years and I still don't pay much attention to my birthday. The last one I remember doing something on, it took me two days to get rid of the headache. The JW religion is all about absolute mind control. They know if you start thinking for yourself, you're out'a there. Keeping you down and keeping you from enjoying the simplest pleasures in life is a key to their cult. As long as you feel like shit, they have you.

aojumper

Dave, duely noted, We just bought some new lighter fluid! I have not yet smoked a joint, haven't had the time nor opportunity, but someday...

Essie's Ghost, thanks for the hug, i needed that. I do look forward to having kids and letting them have the time of their lives on their birthday, showing them how much they mean to me, and what a truly splendid gift they are. I try to show that to my little bro. even though he's still in.

Thank you all so much, Thanks Simon for this forum. it really helps

K

free will

i agree with scully...happy birthday!

LDH

Hey , AO!!!

"You're more than one, you're more than two, you're waaaaayyyy more than three, you're even more than four!"

Happy Birthday, friend I've never met!

(Anyone who loves Sesame Street is a friend of mine.)

Sneak your brother a Birthday Card with some money in it, depending on his age. Ten and over know how to hoard money and I can guarantee his JW conscience will figure out a way to rationalize keeping the card, too!!!

Lisa

More than one way to skin a JW Class

cruzanheart

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I celebrated my very first birthday last December, when I turned 47, and it was grand! I feel like I have a lot of making up to do, and I'm going to enjoy every minute of it. Today I weeded the garden all morning while enjoying the sunshine, the semi-cool breeze, the birds singing and I thought of all those poor sods sitting in a stuffy Kingdom Hall trying to feel superior. And I smiled and thanked God for what I have now.

May all of your birthdays for the rest of your life be beautiful and happy!!! And welcome to the forum, if I haven't said so before!

Nina

It's my birthday, I am mourning my lost childhood.

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