dating even though not scripturally free to do so

seekingadvice

Wondering what to think...I'm recently divorced from my JW spouse ( I was never a JW). We have a 11 year old son who is being forced to attend meetings and have all the beliefs that ex has. I'm constantly being told what I should do and I'm supposed to go along with ex on whatever he says because apparently the "head of the family" continues after divorce in his world. He has had this "friend" for approx 2 years...same time we separated. He has told me several times they are just friends .nothing can become of it because he is not scripturally free to marry. However they are always together and I recently came upon some text msgs between the two saying they love each other.talking about cuddling later.missing service to work out together and they have "pet" names for each other. Now correct me if I'm wrong but isn't that dating?? Can't they both be disfellowshipped???

sir82

Dating while not "scripturally free to remarry"?

Can't get DF'ed but they should lose all privileges (elder, MS, pioneer, etc.).

I guess if they keep it up, some ambitious elders might try to peg "brazen conduct" on them, which would get them DF'ed. but they'd get plenty of warning to knock it off first.

berrygerry

It depends.

You also need to supply "proof."

You are only one witness, two are required, or physical proof (photos - copies of messages).

See this thread:

https://www.reddit.com/r/exjw/comments/3qkwwf/i_got_disfellowshipped/

seekingadvice

Would our son be considered as a witness?

seekingadvice

I also know that they are hiding it from the other witnesses....he has told me several times that they are "very careful"

Giordano

If the Elders find out about this from you and see those Text Msg. Then there is a strong possibility they could be DF.

However would you be interested in using this info to achieve a different result. Would you tell your husband what you know about this relationship and ask him if he wants this revealed to the Elders? If he doesn't want that to happen would you suggest that you would provide a letter to the elders indicating that you are in an intimate relationship and your ex should now be free to marry.

In return he has to sign an agreement to not force your son to attend meetings, go out in service if he doesn't want to and to live a normal teenage life with boundaries. A lawyer could draw up a 'document' of sorts outlining this private agreement.....it may not be legal but signing it would be admitting to years of a secret relationship and he would be in serious trouble with the Elders. At the least you could limit the amount of brain washing your child would be exposed to maybe get to spend more time with your son. His Dad could do the honorable thing and marry his lady friend.

seekingadvice

He had initially asked me to go to the elders and lie to them about me being in a relationship. I refused because first it wasn't true and second what does that say to my son about me?? I see where you are going with this and it really does sound like something I would consider if he would actually agree to it.....I'm just not real sure he would hold up to his end of the deal.

DesirousOfChange

Dating while not "scripturally free to remarry"?

Can't get DF'ed but they should lose all privileges (elder, MS, pioneer, etc.).

Actually, he can eventually be DFd for it. He would have to ignore "repeated" counsel about not dating. (Of course, he would say they were NOT dating.) So it would all come down to his relationship with the Elders. If they "like" him, they could turn the blind eye. If they are honest & sincere Elders who go "by the book" (or if they are "out to get him"), then they need only counsel him and find our he has "brazenly" ignored the counsel and they could DF him.

Doc

sir82

Actually, he can eventually be DFd for it. He would have to ignore "repeated" counsel about not dating.

Which is exactly what I said in the part you didn't paste above.

_Morpheus

Yep they are definitely 'dating' by org definitions and as doc and sir82 noted he could be eventually df'd....

if i were you i wouldnt give the prick the satisfaction unless you had something in writing that made it worth it for you.

dating even though not scripturally free to do so

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