dating even though not scripturally free to do so

by seekingadvice 18 Replies latest social relationships

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  jamiebowers

  First of all, who has custody of your son? If you have at least joint custody, then he shouldn't be forced into jw activities/beliefs while with you. Having proof of your ex's relationship is a HUGE bargaining chip for you to gain custody if you don't have it.

  Second, your ex is bound by secular law, so he isn't head of you and wasn't even when you were married unless you let him. He sounds like a hypocritical, sanctimonious asshole.

  Get custody of your son if you don't already have it, and limit his association with the Watch Tower cult as much as possible. Risk of being reported to the elders should be great enough for your ex to comply. And do not give him freedom to remarry based on a lie. I wouldn't even give it to him if/when you're intimate with someone else. That is nobody's business but yours.
• 

  Giordano

  This is what happens when I reread my old copy of Machiavelli.

  I refused because first it wasn't true and second what does that say to my son about me??
  

  Good points. From what you said your son is already witness to his secret arrangement with his girlfriend.

  If your ex signs something that is witnessed/certified then he is admitting his deception and also that this was a private agreement with you that called on you to admit to something that was not true.

  Should your son ever hear a different story about you from your husband.......you have only to show the signed agreement.

  Anyway it's just an idea.........since I'm rereading the Godfather as well there are other ways to get your point across lol.
• 

  notjustyet

  You could figure out how to spoof her number and sext him and then hang him on his replies,..

  Wait what,.. "recently came upon some text messages,....." tell us more how that happened,..

  NJY
• 

  GLTirebiter

  We have a 11 year old son who is being forced to attend meetings and have all the beliefs that ex has. I'm constantly being told what I should do and I'm supposed to go along with ex on whatever he says because apparently the "head of the family" continues after divorce in his world.

  It sounds like your ex-husband is making unilateral decisions about your son's religious upbringing, does the child custody decree allow him to do so? If you are divorced, he has no right to "tell you what to do" (nor did he have that right while you were married; masters and slaves are not partners!).

  I suggest discussing both these things with the attorney who handled your divorce. Forget the Elders, let him explain this to a real judge!
  
• 

  eyeuse2badub

  Yep "brazen conduct" covers a multitude of sins my brother. It's another new phrase in the jw dictionary. According to the borg, the definition of 'brazen conduct'

  = whatever the f**k we want it to mean. Tough s**t brother! Remember jehober trusts us!

  just saying!

  eyeuse2badub
• 

  wannaexit

  I agree the other fellow posters that they most certainly dating. There was a sister years ago that got disfellowshipped under similar circumstances. They told she was committing emotional adultery in her heart.

  And yes he could be disfellowshipped--both of them actually
  
• 

  PlatinumFix

  I hope no one think I'm hijacking this thread, just wanted to add my thoughts. My wife and I separated about 10 months ago. I miss being in a relationship. If I found someone I wanted to be in a relationship with then I don't see any reason I couldn't be. (I faded about 4 months btw)

  I don't want to play devils advocate but if you're divorced does it matter whether you or your ex is in a new relationship. Surely you're the only one getting hurt/cut up by it? I think if my wife started dating someone of what concern would it be to me? Just saying anyway :)
• 

  seekingadvice

  First of all thank you all for your responses! Divorce was final July 15th of this year. We have 50/50 custody. My ex is extremely controlling....I try my very best to just "get along" with him. Since I no longer live with him he has no one to take his anger out on.,...except my son now gets it. It is all mind games and I'm the rotten one because I broke up our family . My son is so brainwashed and absolutely terrified to do anything to upset his dad or Jehovah. I have recently put my foot down and said he is not to do anything JW related when I have him. This of course has caused a huge uproar.As far as him dating someone I really do not care ( as long as they are good to my son) I almost feel sorry for her. She is 14 years younger then my ex and has a 10 yr old boy who he is trying to control also. He just acts like he is this great person who has changed and he can do no wrong. He is just lying about everything and there is a part if me that wants to run to the Kingdom Hall and let everyone know how awful of a person he is!!! But then part of me says it's not worth it. ....somehow he would sweet talk his way out of it. To answer "notjustyet" question... My son has the ex's old cell phone and he did not delete any if the messages before giving it to him.
• 

  jamiebowers

  Good for you for putting your foot down about no jw activites for your son while he's with you. Since your son seems to be in turmoil about his father's behavior and cult activity, take your son to counseling. It can help him deal with the trauma, and it will provide a record for probable future court action. Print out those text messages for leverage. Show your ex that the only person he can control is himself. Take full advantage of the law, (arrest, restraining order, etc.), if he becomes threatening or violent.

  Your main concern is your son, not placating this overgrown baby. He thinks he has the world by the ass; when in reality, you could cut him down to size with a few swipes.