What is is your favorite REDICULOUS JW falsehood? :)

by Balaamsass2 24 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • Diogenesister
    Diogenesister

    That there will be no clumsy people in JW parAdise.

    Child me: [reads] "Jehovah will satisfy the desire" of every living thing in parAdise...

    [falls over on tennis court]

    Also Child me: [frustrated] So I will be a really good server in parAdise?

    JW adult: we will grow to be perfect in the new system.

    Child me: so we won't be perfect straight away?

    JW adult: No.

    Child me: so we can still fall over and hurt ourselves in paradise?

    JW adult: đŸ˜¶ [crickets]

  • Vanderhoven7
    Vanderhoven7

    When they told JWs that they should add a room on their house so that they could then phone Abraham, Isaac and Jacob in Jerusalem in 1926 and ask them to raise gramma.

  • Vidiot
    Vidiot

    re. Diogenesister’s post


    Ugh, jeezus
 “perfection”


    
perfection was my carrot.

    As a kid, I always felt super-embarrassed whenever I got something wrong or made a mistake (especially if it resulted in mocking or scorn), and the JW grownups in my life would always say “we all make mistakes, we’re imperfect” (emphasis mine), so I naturally grew up thinking that “perfection” (i.e. the opposite of imperfection, obv) meant never getting anything wrong or making mistakes, and therefore never having to feel embarrassed again


    
or, really, never having anyone be able to mock or criticize me and make me feel bad anymore (and also, be smart and really good-looking, because I thought those things would keep me from feeling bad, too).

    This, plus a handful of other reasons, basically (mis)led me to grow up thinking that I was somehow more “imperfect” than the majority of other people (seriously), which in turn made me quietly desperate to be “perfect” some day


    
i.e. my carrot.

    This idea lasted well into my 20s, until three things happened


    
first, the shocking realization that in the adult world (the one that actually counts), the vast majority on people are not the sociopathic assholes I’d had to go to school with for the previous decade-or-so, and therefore, not looking for every available opportunity to pounce on my “flaws”, broadcast them to the world, and make me feel like hammered shit over and over again


    
second, my father explaining to me that the “perfection” promised in the New System was actually “spiritual” perfection (whatever that meant), as opposed to being, for all intents and purposes, Superman (this was a very dismaying moment at the time, needless to say, because how the fuck was that supposed to help me not feel bad?)


    
and third, a semi-related conversation with a fellow I’d known a while, wherein he happened to mention how he happened to view “perfection” (hint: not like me)


    
all of which, together, led me to the gobsmacking conclusion that “perfection” (whatever it was) was so subjective that, for all intents and purposes


    
there was no such thing.

    Once I got over that shock, I (surprisingly, at the time) actually felt better
 or at least, relieved, because I no longer felt burdened with hoping and wishing for something that simply didn’t exist.

    (Note: there were other things that helped, too, but that’s another story.)

  • Vidiot
    Vidiot

    Diogenesister -

    “
 JW adult: đŸ˜¶ [crickets]
”

    I have a minor revision to the script, if you don’t have any objections


    JW adult: đŸ˜¶ [crickets], then angrily: “Go to your room!” (translation, embarassed: “You made me feel stupid!”)

  • NotFormer
    NotFormer

    Diogenesister, you reminded me of a conversation at the door many years ago. The JW talking about the Pair-a-dice Erf quoted Isaiah 65:20 "For anyone who dies at a hundred will be considered a mere boy".

    Me: People will still die in the future paradise?

    JW: Oh, yes!

    Me: What??

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