by RULES & REGULATIONS 18 Replies latest watchtower bible
my first wife--a born in jw. --was a nightmare. I was THE physically abused husband: Punched on the nose when fast asleep--nearly stabbed in the chest with a kitchen knife. Totally controlled in what i could do--see--watch--read.
Married 13 long years till i provided her with the perfect "scriptural divorce reason"
Turned our kids against me using that cult as a reason.
But i'm still here--40 years later.
Is that for real? The excerpt paragraph in the OP? Something about it is so offensive to me.
Or maybe everything they write seems offensive to me now.
STUDY ARTICLE 2
Studied during the week of March 10-16, 2025.
Is that for real? The excerpt paragraph in the OP?
There are two types of problematic WT articles - ones where the information given is wrong (and possibly even dangerous), and ones where the information itself is ok, but alternatives or further options are left out.
This article seems to be an example of the latter. I don't see anything wrong with what is specifically stated about the abusive man's behaviour and what he should do to change (apart from equating watching porn with being physically or verbally abusive - the two are not necessarily connected, although I am aware that research and evidence from many criminal cases shows a chronic porn habit can lead to a distorted and unhealthy view of women).
However, there is much that is omitted, as several people have pointed out.
Bear in mind that this part of the article is aimed at the offending husbands, so it wouldn't necessarily mention separation to avoid his cruelty. However, it should realistically state that an offending husband must recognise his wife's right to separate from him, even if only temporarily while he addresses his behaviour, and to call in secular authorities if he has broken the laws of the land (by domestic assault, criminal damage, etc).
Interestingly, I looked to see if there was a following article addressed to wives - they usually print these things together - but there is none. So I wonder if they're finally recognising they have a serious problem with abusive husbands? If so, it's probably fed by the constant talk about accepting headship, along with the adulation poured on elders (especially those who 'pioneer') regardless of their actual character and personality traits. That would easily inflate the egos of men who already have an exaggerated sense of their own importance, and many experiences from people on here have highlighted there are a lot of those in the congregations out there!
Edited to add: Also, as several of you on here pointed out, there is no mention of what a husband should do if HE is the victim of abuse from his spouse. Again, this seems to be a glaring omission, given what even the Org says about "critical times" meaning the behaviour of many people today is selfish and/or aggressive. They should acknowledge that men can be victims too, Even if the odds are much smaller, the consequences are still just as devastating for the individuals concerned and the family around them,
Yes, paragraph 14 actually says that. If you don't mind, you can click on the link that takes you to the article on the Watchtower Online Library. https://www.jw.org/en/library/magazines/watchtower-study-january-2025/Husbands-Honor-Your-Wife/ the go down to paragraph 14 and see for yourself.
Domestic violence is a criminal offence in the uk and has been for many years, physiological manipulation and coercive control became a criminal offence in 2019 .
When I told the elders that I had been in contact with a domestic abuse agency for men they were shocked and disgusted because I had informed a worldly organisation and told them that I was recommend strongly to leave after the first call.
So any victim should be encouraged by the watchtower and the elders to contact the police and a domestic abuse agency ,but off course they won't do that, prayer and bible study can fix it, you can't bring reproach on jehovah's name and the organisation.
Perpetrators of domestic abuse DO NOT change.
Male and female victims are abused in equal numbers, the issue has been that many men didn't or wouldn't admit that they were victims.
Yes in articles such as these it should read HE /SHE many domestic abuse agency now do this on information posters etc .
When I told the elders that I had been in contact with a domestic abuse agency for men they were shocked and disgusted because I had informed a worldly organisation and told them that I was recommend strongly to leave after the first call.
They should remember Rom. 13:1 and the many articles they've written stating that followers should obey the "superior authorities" and "Caesar's law" wherever it does not conflict with God's "law" - and prosecuting physical or emotional violence is clearly not against what Christians are taught. (It may be argued that the Old Testament allows it, but the New Testament and the changes brought about by Jesus clearly do not.) The same of course applies to CSA.
Yet for the sake of "reputation", the Org is desperate not to have the police involved. They claim it is because doing so brings "reproach" on God's name, and sometimes they misapply 1 Corinthians 6:1-8 about not taking a "brother" to court, but in fact, failing to clear out the "dead men’s bones and [...] every sort of uncleanness" that Jesus spoke of in Matthew 23:27 is what brings reproach, not being honest and calling in outside assistance to "wipe the bowl clean" so to speak.
Male and female victims are abused in equal numbers, the issue has been that many men didn't or wouldn't admit that they were victims.
I don't think I can agree with this, assuming we are talking solely of violence within heterosexual couples, which of course is what the WT means. The data just doesn't bear that out.
According to the ONS, in England and Wales (Scotland has a separate judicial system) in 2023, 75.3% of recorded domestic abuse cases were against women.
In the USA (according to the CDC) in 2022, 41% of victims who have reported DV in their lifetime identified as female and 26% as male. That's obviously a much closer figure over a lifetime than the UK one which is only a snapshot of one year, and exactly what counts as DV or IPV is probably slightly different on either side of the pond, but both figures show a definite slant towards women being more commonly the victims. Also, secular figures include same-sex relationships, which would distort the picture, since we are only considering the JW viewpoint which would not include those.
Even if it is true that the number for men is lower than it should be due to male victims feeling shame or not thinking they would be believed if they report abuse by a female partner, the difference is so large that it is highly unlikely the true figure is "equal".
Still, the point I made earlier applies that however small in comparison, it's still significant in the harm caused to individual men and the people around them.
Thanks R & R. Something about the way it's written just bugs me.
My dad treated my mother horribly, and she was told to "suffer in silence" by the brothers for years. He was counseled, but it never worked and got worse and worse with alcohol. Eventually we ended up leaving him when I was a teenager, believe it or not, on the advice of a local elder. This was a step not often advised by the brothers, but in our case it was and I'm forever thankful. It got ugly, and I was worried he would kidnap me for a few years.
Abuse against any individual is a complex problem and rarely improves unless serious help from professionals and law enforcement is part of the treatment. IMHO. Sinning against Jah would not be enough to stop the rage and violence of an abuser. The brothers are ill equipped to advise in these situations. $.02
Eventually we ended up leaving him when I was a teenager, believe it or not, on the advice of a local elder. This was a step not often advised by the brothers, but in our case it was and I'm forever thankful.
The brothers are ill equipped to advise in these situations.
Agreed, and that feeds into points raised in recent threads about the decreasing qualities of elders too. The modern breed of elders - especially ones under 30 - with little world experience either due to age or due to being wrapped up only in JW life, are woefully incapable of managing serious 'real world' issues like advising an abused wife with frightened children to care for.
At least some of the "old school" elders - who were usually men who had not grown up as JWs, and may even have fought in wars, been through divorce, suffered poverty or homelessness, been to prison or in other scuffles and scrapes of life - had seen real sufferings and hardships. Of course, that didn't make them all better: many were nasty characters with chips on their shoulders. But there were some, like the elder you mentioned, who were more pragmatic due to their life experience. This was true even of some older COs, at least when I was "young" as a JW, and no doubt older ones than me will remember the same types before the 1980s.
The more we enter an era of cookie-cutter older men trained by video clips and JW Org "schools" and handbooks only, not by real life, the more we are seeing them unable to support the congregations with their everyday struggles.
There was a recent video with the Org claiming they have a new "school" for men: "Principles of Divine Oversight" or something like that. Sounds like it's going to be all about admin, rules and regulations, and working for the Org rather than actual pastoral care. No surprise there.
