Jesus walked into a bar...

Slidin Fast

he asks the barkeep for 13 glasses of water. He turns to his 12 companions and winks...

Upon learning that a Polish bishop had been chosen as Pope, a black bishop prays to God asking when a black man would be nominated. God replies " some day my son though probably not in my lifetime....."

karter

How do we know Jesus was black? He called everyone brother and couldn't get a fair trial.

galaxie

A preist and a plumber should always work together...the priest to look after the brethren and the plumber to look after the cistern!!

Thisismein1972

Josey wasn't the best pupil at Sunday school. She often fell asleep and one day while she was sleeping, the teacher asked her a question. "Who is the creator of the universe?" Joe was sitting next to Josey and decided to poke her with a pin to wake her up. Josey jumped and yelled, "God almighty!" The teacher congratulated her. A little later the teacher asked her another question, "Tell me who is our lord and savior?" Joe poked Josey again and she yelled out, "Jesus Christ!" The teacher congratulated her again. Later on the teacher asked, "What did Eve say to Adam after their 26th child?" Joe poked Josey again and she shouted, "If you stick that thing in me again, I'll snap it in half and stick it up your ass!" - See more at: http://www.laughfactory.com/jokes/religious-jokes#sthash.hCRRgS6j.dpuf

keyser soze

Kind of long, but:

While walking down the street one day, a presidential candidate is tragically hit by a car and dies.His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.“Welcome to heaven,” says St. Peter. “Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high-ranking official around these parts, you see, so we’re not sure what to do with you.”“No problem, just let me in,” says the politician.“Well, I’d like to, but I have orders from the higher-ups. What we’ll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.”“Really? I’ve made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,” says the politician.“I’m sorry, but we have our rules.”And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse, and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had getting rich at the expense of the people. They then dine on lobster, caviar and the finest Champagne.Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy and who is having a good time dancing and telling jokes.They are all having such a good time that before the politician realizes it, it is time to go.
Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises.The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens in heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him. “Now it’s time to visit heaven ...”So, 24 hours pass with the politician joining a group of contented souls, moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.“Well, then, you’ve spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity.”The politician reflects for a minute, then he answers: “Well, I would never have said it before — I mean heaven has been delightful — but I think I would be better off in hell.”So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell ...Now the doors of the elevator open and he’s in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls to the ground.The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulders.“I don’t understand,” stammers the politician. “Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank Champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there’s just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?”The devil smiles at him and says,“Yesterday we were campaigning, Today, you voted.”

sparky1

I heard this joke from a 'worldy' friend of my DEVOUT, fanatical JW mother:

Mike the good Irish Catholic died and was met at the elevator to heaven by Saint Peter. "Oh", says Saint Peter, "I know you Mike. You're the good Irish Catholic boy that loved the Lord so deeply. You will be going directly to the top floor, since that is the Catholic heaven!" As the elevator made its way upward, they passed the 2nd floor and heard chanting, bells ringing and smelled incense. Mike asked, "Who is on this floor?" To which Saint Peter replied, "That's the Eastern Orthodox floor of heaven." They continued to move upward and at the 6th floor strange languages were heard and lots of commotion. "And this floor" Mike asked, "which denomination is here?" "Why the Pentecostals, of course." came Saint Peters answer. Approaching the 9th floor beautiful choir music filled the air. "Let me guess", said Mike. "Is this the floor for the Mormon heaven? The choir is singing beautifully and in perfect harmony." "Yes, yes! Very good observation Mike. It is indeed Mormon heaven" said Saint Peter. Suddenly, Saint Peter stopped the elevator at the 12th floor. "Why are we stopping?" inquired Mike. "Well," Saint Peter admonished him, "You must be very, very quiet as we pass by the 13th floor." "May I ask why" said Mike. "Certainly", laughed Saint Peter, "That is the floor that the Jehovah's Witnesses are on. Even though there are only 144,000 of them, they think that they are the only ones here. We must not upset their delusion by making any noise when we pass by their floor!"

Jesus walked into a bar...

Slidin Fast

mrquik

karter

galaxie

Thisismein1972

keyser soze

sparky1

Vidiot

Tahoe

LevelThePlayingField

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