Someone anonymously tipped the elders?

by raven 70 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  konceptual99

  Lying about being married is crazy. The chance of that working is virtually nil.

  The OP was hoping to fade but has been caught out doing something that will get her DFed. Without wishing to sound harsh, if she wanted a quiet fade then moving in with her boyfriend within a few months of stopping meeting attendance was always a big risk.

  Sending lawyer letters is all well and good but unlikely to prevent the same basic outcome.

  Either way if she wants to try and maintain key personal relationships (e..g. with her mother) then the real power lies with those ones. Even if she is successful in preventing a formal announcement, her mother and others know her true situation and it's their decision about how far they go in the range of loyalty to the org or loyalty to their family and friend.

  IMHO the OP has made her choice by taking the step of moving in with her boyfriend. I would encourage her to think positively about the future, hold her head up high, ignore the elders and focus emotional time and energy on her relationship with her mother rather than playing silly games with people in an organisation she no longer wishes to be part of.
• 

  DJS

  What conceptual said above. All the rest of this is predicated on trying to avoid being DFed. If she doesn't mind that, like I said on p. 1, tell them to eff off.
• 

  StephaneLaliberte

  Guys, we are talking about man who will let go paedophiles due to the 2 witness rule. Its much easier for them to let things go when they hear something they WANT to hear.

  "I never told my mom I moved in with my husband. In fact, I didn't want her to know I was married. I was ashamed of marrying so quickly." And than, go on on how he wanted sex before marriage and how you stood your ground and how you prayed and how important your relationship to Jehovah is. And cry. Crying helps alot. Say you wanted to set things straight and want to go back to the meetings. Ask for your card to be sent to the new congregation. Etc.

  You know, the type of thing the elders want to be told so they can let go of something that will otherwise, prevent them from spending time with their family.

  Now, if all that doesn't work... well, the lawyer route may work to.
• 

  StephaneLaliberte

  Oh, if she doesn't mind being DFs, than, that would be amazing. I dream of the day I can tell them of.
  
  If you and your loved ones accept the DF route, than, that is a better route to take. The lying and lawyer is not that easy... it takes its toll emotionally.
• 

  DJS

  Your infantilization of elders is not even close to being accurate from my experience. Not even. I served on a number of JCs and not once did any of us let tears and hysteria sway us. It's about the evidence. And you are serving no purpose other than to spread emotional nonsense about a process that can be very excruciating and demeaning, not to mention hard hearted and vile.

  Trying to confuse this OP and a rational response to it by brining up pedophiles or specific 'experiences' for which you may be partly aware is also a lot of wasted time and space. You are contributing nothing and hopefully Snow White is ignoring you.
• 

  StephaneLaliberte

  Well, looks like elders in my area are not as harsh as in your area. so, in that respect, you may be right. If she has "nazi" elders...you are totally right. Still, that does not mean that what I said would not work in my area (Canada, Ontario/Quebec).
• 

  konceptual99

  I can assure you Stephane that your idea, as much as I would like it to work, never will.

  In this type of circumstance the ONLY possible route to avoiding being DFed is to immediately chuck out the BF, go home and throw herself on the mercy of the elders. Even that has a poor chance of success given her fade and moving in with a guy. They will most likely see through the façade, DF anyway and look to reinstate based on her subsequent actions.

  A lawyers letter may delay or prevent an announcement but if she is not coming to meetings and living with a guy she is already spiritual toast to many of her so called friends.

  If she wants to plead mercy with anyone then let that be her mother. Expend the time and energy reasoning with her so that she does not cooperate with the elders ("I really don't know my daughter's situation, why don't you talk to her, why have you not shown her any shepherding attention in six months, who has made this accusation, what proof do they have, why are they not following the scriptural process?) and understands that her daughter just wants to quietly get on with life.
• 

  DJS

  Ditto to konceptual with one caveat:

  If she hasn't routinely been attending meetings for 5 months, no conventions, etc. then a lawyer could have a very optimistic chance mitigating any judicial activity. The words of the GB member during the Australian RC hearings regarding leaving exiting dubs alone would be compelling data to include in a letter. That alone would make them think twice or thrice before taking JC action.

  If she has been routinely attending meetings, then she has by her actions identified herself as a loyal, practicing active J-dub. All bets would then be off and konceptual's plan would be the only thing that might keep her from being DFed. Then she would have a very long, uphill climb to avoid future JC action if she avoided DFing - an immediately and permanent fade would then be in order. If they DF her, it is up to her whether keeping her family would be more important than living her life. If the former is more important than the latter, and if they shun her, it becomes the old reinstatement routine. Rinse and repeat.
• 

  StephaneLaliberte

  DJS: Two things I would like to ask you: When were you an elder? 2, 10, 20 years ago? Also, why would it not be advisable to try lying before using the lawyer route?

  FYI: If I think of the elders in my area, 30 years ago, they would have asked for the wedding pictures, the certificate, and would have called the witnesses of my wedding. Now, they would just take my word for it.
  
• 

  DJS

  Every person that exits this hate filled cult and who shows up on this site is meticulously concerned about how they manage their fade, which tells me the Dark Tower is still the Dark Tower. So when I was an elder hasn't anything to do with this.

  If you live around very sweet, kind, disengaged, affable, dim witted elders who will overlook any an all transgressions then that is excellent. That is not what we are all hearing from the masses who find this site.

  Again, your continuing responses to this OP are being driven by your emotions, your pride, your desire to be proven right. You have far passed the point of providing content