Nicolaou I am Lady Lee. My story is here many many times over.
Beaten almost daily, attempted and finally raped over 4 years, sodomized at least once if not more, as a child under the age of 12. Deserted by my mother who knew what he was doing and just left me to him.
When I finally did go back to her I was dragged to JW meetings, beaten at home, and where my stepfather and 3 uncles took turns with me. My mother went to the elders and was told to send me away. She made private foster care arrangements and told them I was a sex maniac and watch me constantly with the woman's husband and any other man of boy. I was 13! So I lived under what amounted to house arrest for the next 3 years.
At 16 I went back to my mother where I was beaten frequently. Within a year was baptized and another year she forced me to marry a man I didn't like and barely knew. Certainly, never went on a date with him until after our "engagement" (with chaperone). She was in a hurry. I wanted to wait a year. Time from the "engagement to wedding was 5 weeks.
After 15 years of marriage to him I was suicidal from his constant emotional and spiritual abuse. But I didn't want to be dead and "arranged" the end of the marriage by getting disfellowshipped.
Did I pray? All the time.
Did it help? Not one bit.
So constant abuse for 35 years. A lot of praying. All I felt was alone to deal with it all. Abandoned by family and a God who never heard my prayers. Those scriptures posted earlier had absolutely nothing to do with my life. They were nothing but a lie.
I thought often about dying. From about the age of 8 to 35. I came very very close to actually trying. But I am still here. And no, I don't believe God, any god had anything to do with me still being here.