Well: hello everybody. I've left a couple of semi-"humorous" remarks, but not yet said a proper hello....
But firstly THANK YOU, to all, for this site and all its comments.
I have been lurking on this site for 4-5 years, awake for 5-6 years and seriously fading for the last 4 years. I am now "out" and widely considered "out" by the congregation but due being very cautious and playing a very long game, (and having a wife who understand the repercussions of blowing the whistle on the few viewpoints I have discussed with her) I have not been DF'd of DA'd. This forum has been a crutch and guide as well as helping me wake - and the humour many on here use has been a welcome relief. (along with jwfacts and jwsurvey - like them or loath them they have helped me and that's the important thing.)
It has been a long and stressful journey, but one which was right for my circumstances. I am working through a long and on going depression which was made worse by realising TTATT as well as many other circumstances. However, it proved a good tool to get myself away from meetings and service....everything by degrees. So at least that illness had a bright side.
My departure has been gradual but definitive. I am never bothered by elders and get a rare "encouraging" call from a sweet old lady in the congregation. Old friends pass on "we miss you" messages via the wife, but they clearly don't miss so much that they've ever picked up a phone.
It's even been said when they learn I have objections but don't share them "well that's good / considerate as at least we can still talk to him in the street."
Just yesterday the PO gave 2 copies of the blood card to my wife, and when she said "Ok I'm pretty sure my Andy won't want one, but at least I'll have a spare",and the PO (she tells me) didn't even bat an eyelid. I am still cautious, but feel more free and more bold every day.
A little part of me wishes I'd had the courage to stand up and tell my former friends clearly TTATT, however the risk of losing my lovely (albeit blinded and stubborn!) wife & kids was too great. To counter this, I anti witness to non-JWs whenever appropriate, and using the "softly-softly" approach will often draw comparisons between JW & other cults when in conversation with friends & family I care for. I'm looking forward to anit-witnessing on a cart where they won't know me, some day.
While my wife is still very much in, and has told me that under no circumstances does she want to taste the "red pill", I have hope that my boy - who is a smart kid - will respond to the drips of TTATT I have been feeding him. The wife has agreed that if 13 is an appropriate age for kids to be encourage to be baptised, then it's an appropriate age for them to decide they DON'T want to be witnesses either, so in the next year or two I will be undertaking informal "anti-studies".
I don't worry too much about the propaganda my boy his getting until then, as I already know he thinks critically about it and doesn't believe lots of it. My other kid has special needs, so doesn't understand what he's taught anyway and could never make an adult decision or form a belief... I worry less about him in some ways.
I also count myself very fortunate in my long-game to not only have created a wide network of non-JW friends but also have reconnected with x-JW friends who were either DF'd or came to learn TTATT in their own right - including "John Free" on this site... our anonymity still preserved to everyone else, then! LOL.
And my forum name? Inspired by The Shawshank Redemption.... I'd like to think of myself like my namesake, taking the blows, biding my time, crawling through lots of 5h1t but hopefully leaving other inmates with a memory of someone who wasn't angry or mentally diseased.
At least I hope so.
That's it for now: be seeing you...