How do you deal with "toppers"? [one upmanship]

by compound complex 18 Replies latest jw friends

  • sparrowdown
    sparrowdown

    It depends how well you know the other person. Is the one-sidedness actually just social awkwardness because of unfamiliarity and not wanting to appear too "forward"? Or is it the person's baseline way of speaking? If after getting to know someone and finding out it is their baseline I tend to limit association with them as it's too draining, but I will try to let the person know what they're doing first as there could be a chance it's just serial thoughtlessness on their part. If they "get it" great if they don't I will just let nature take it's course as people who are like this usually don't like having their conversation style pointed out to them and the relationship dries up all on it's own.

    I do think the internet has changed and is changing the way people communicate online and in person. I also found most if not all JWs are like this, you could not have a to and fro conversation with them. The conversation style of JWs was to talk about or talk at but not talk to. While they talked about other people behind their backs they somehow considered it rude to talk face to face with the person about the very things that they talked behind their backs about even if the person themselves brought it up. It was weird. I'm still trying to figure out how to communicate after leaving the borg.

    Why were you asking CoCo are you just curious or is it work related?

  • compound complex
    compound complex

    Thanks, scratchme, Scully, AllTimeJeff, and sparrowndown:

    You all made great comments and helped answer my questions. Yes, a round of applause!

    "Why were you asking CoCo are you just curious or is it work related?" -- sparrowdown

    You're correct, sparrow, it is draining. I ask because it is life-related. Like you, I can politely mention my "annoyance" to one friend but perhaps not to another. One dear, elderly friend telephones and hits the bricks running with the wonders of her life. Never an introductory "Hello, how are you?" I finally mentioned it to her a few calls back when there was a momentary break in her TMI (too much info). She was unaware and apologized; she really is a very sensitive and caring person. She thanked me.

    In some other cases, a good and exuberant friend will take a comment I make and would like feedback on and weave it into an elaborate tapestry of his life's accomplishments, tragedies, sorrows, etc. Not necessarily "I'm better than you or have it worse than you." I get how a comment I make might trigger something in my friend's (or just a casual acquaintance's [gee, maybe even a stranger's]) sphere of reference. It's what we all do. I apologize a lot because I'm a chatty Mediterranean. Genetics. Can't help it!

    So, it's no big deal. As others stated, you make allowances, or you don't.

    THANKS!

  • Introvert 2
    Introvert 2

    One of my guys is like that at work, I simply listen and indulge him when it's practical to do so. Sort of a co-dependent thing going on on his part, but great guy very devoted to his job. I let it ride if I can, sometimes change the subject or get up and do something else or head for the bathroom for quick business. I'm not good at small talk anyway, as a matter of fact hate it so I listen more than I BS when it's not too bothersome hehe

  • sparrowdown
    sparrowdown

    It's funny you mention the elderly CoCo it reminds me of a quote from nineteen eighty-four when "Winston" is trying to have a conversation with an old man and becomes frustrated with the man's inability to provide any useful info.

    " The old man's memory was nothing but a rubbish heap of details. One could question him all day without getting any real information."

    "Winston" goes on to note of the people in general:

    "They remember a million useless things, a quarrel with a workmate, a hunt for lost bicycle pump, the expression on a long-dead sisters face, the swirls of dust on a windy morning seventy years ago: but all relevant facts were outside the range of their vision. They were like the ant, which can see small objects but not large ones." End quote.

    I call it "big picture" blindness.

  • compound complex
    compound complex

    "When in conversion, you sometimes get carried away and the talk becomes all about YOU." -- CC, opening sentence

    Well, "conversion" was what we used to attempt!

    Pitiful proofreader here.

    Sorry!

  • compound complex
    compound complex

    " The old man's memory was nothing but a rubbish heap of details. One could question him all day without getting any real information." -- sparrowdown

    Gee, sounds too close to home! I can give you a wheelbarrow full of trivia and somehow weave it into whatever you have to say. Did you happen to see those swirls of dust? Why, it was just yesterday!

    Intovert 2:

    That's really good. I like your thoughtful way of handling the matter. The bathroom excuse really works for me 'cause it is NOT an excuse -- it's a compelling reason!

    THANKS!

  • LisaRose
    LisaRose

    Makes me think of this Month Python sketch, the four Yorkshiremen, where they try to top each other with how bad they had it as children.

    MP: Aye. In them days, we'd a' been glad to have the price of a cup o' tea.

    GC: A cup ' COLD tea.

    EI: Without milk or sugar.

    TJ: OR tea!

    MP: In a filthy, cracked cup.

    EI: We never used to have a cup. We used to have to drink out of a rolled up newspaper.

    GC: The best WE could manage was to suck on a piece of damp cloth.

    https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=monty+python+we+were+so+poor&view=detail&mid=DD060CA70BE85FC47749DD060CA70BE85FC47749&FORM=VIRE

  • Vanderhoven7
    Vanderhoven7

    Reminds me of lady in the group of friends that would always non-stop talk about herself. On and on she would go. Finally one of her friends had it and told her she should stop talking about herself and give others some air time.

    "Fine, she replied, "So let me ask you - what do you think of me?"

  • Vanderhoven7
    Vanderhoven7

    Dilbert is my favorite strip

    Image result for topper dilbert

    Image result for topper dilbert

    Image result for topper dilbert

Share this

Google+
Pinterest
Reddit