Why does he stay in? (page 3)

sir82

I've noted this before....

There's been literally like 40 or 50 of these "I'm a non-JW dating a JW and I don't understand why he does XYZ..." threads this year.

Always it's the poster's 1st or 2nd post, after they joined a short time beforehand.

Either it's a run of incredible coincidences, or.....

Under No Illusion

Some of these on the fencers are quite disingenuous and pretentious in their daily social interaction with others.

Ne'er a truer word and in fact in many cases an understatement.

Once you crack the seal to a box of lies you just cant stop eating.

The JW person in my life just kept piling them on. What's another lie when you've already told so many? What a life - covering your tracks all the time, looking over your shoulder.

Becomes a running joke when they simultaneously rabbit on about being in the Truth.

Probablyshouldrun

"There's been literally like 40 or 50 of these "I'm a non-JW dating a JW and I don't understand why he does XYZ..." threads this year.

Always it's the poster's 1st or 2nd post, after they joined a short time beforehand.

Either it's a run of incredible coincidences, or....."

Well, I've been on this site for a year, reading, learning about the JWs. I didn't know much about them before meeting him. When I went researching online, this site popped up. Other than dating a JW why else would I be on this site? I saw others' stories and advice to run. Just wanted to let everyone know here that there are people who have heeded your advice.

JWs who live on the fringe are a symptom of the problem. The problem being the WTS,,,,

Finkelstein

Part of the personal endeavor orchestrated by people within the JWS faith, is that they try to uphold the faith as a means to up hold their own righteousness, which the WTS has strategically established .

Diogenesister

ProbablyShouldRun Like your friend, his character isn't suited to being a JW so then it becomes A cycle of "I'm broken and unworthy, the JW are the only ones that understand me." And then they make him feel like crap and he wants to leave.

This is the classic sad life of the P.O.M.i. (physically out mentally in). Cults know you will 'mess up'(read: be a normal human) and once they do members are programmed to be wracked with guilt. Indoctrinated with Fear and obligation, they come crawling back to the cult. It's an abusive relationship; with Watchtower effectively saying to its victim "you're nothing without me!" And so the cycle of abuse continues.

P.S.R. I don't believe in missionary (position) dating and converting people soooooo,,,,

This is a brilliant new exjw term for our cultural list "missionary dating"!!! It's bang on and what so many lonely jws do....date worldlies and tell themselves their partner will study and convert. This rarely happens because of a little thing called the internet.

Incognito

He is a believer, even if his lifestyle and behaviour does not show it. Although he recognizes his own failings, he hopes God will see he is a good person and will forgive him. Many JWs that are the worst examples, are often the most critical on how others live their lives.

A JW relationship with a 'wordly' person, will often make the wordly person susceptible to influence and conversion to become a JW as a condition to saving the relationship. He might feel that in converting you to become a JW, would offset much of his bad behaviour. It would not be surprising that if you started studying to become a JW, he will become very devout, maybe even fanatical.

Congratulations on undertaking your own research and for not blindly thinking that your relationship will workout and be the uncommon exception.

LongHairGal

PROBABLYSHOULDRUN;

I hope you are not considering having him as a platonic friend or even phone friend!!

I think ANY communication with him is not a good idea.

I sent you a PM.

Sigfrid Mallozzi

"Other than dating a JW why else would I be on this site? I saw others' stories and advice to run. Just wanted to let everyone know here that there are people who have heeded your advice."

“Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, she walks into mine.”

Haha, and people caution you about believing advice you read on the internet. At least there are some that are interested in the "not going to be a pat on your back Truths".

ProbablyYouShouldRun, I believe you've got this. What is interesting is that JW believers can/will demonstrate personality/character flaws that would negatively affect a romantic love interest more rapidly than someone that is not a JW believer. The hypocrisy is so easy to spot when someone does a little research as you have into their beliefs and expected code of conduct of core members.

Nathan Natas

Probablyshouldrun asked me, "My question is, why does he stay in if he doesn’t believe in and follow all the ridiculous rules?"

Thanks for asking! There are a few good reasons:

1. He's an idiot.

2. Some - actually a surprisingly large percentage of JWs - develop a unique side-set of theological axioms that basically goes like this -- "Jehovah can see EVERYTHING you do and can peer into the content of your heart in minute particularity, but I will survive Armageddon because >> I << can fool the old man.

3. There may be a small minority of JWs who have convinced themselves that JW-ism is THE BEST WAY TO LIVE©, even if they can't keep the rules and seriously expect to die at Armageddon.

I was an active for about 20 years starting at age 7, and I have known all three varieties of JW. I was almost a true believer (with flaws), but I couldn't stand being one any longer after I learned about pedophilia in my local congregation (I was a pioneer and a deacon) that the elders swept under the rug.

PS - I agree that "missionary dating" is a worthy term for the apostate lexicon. Well done!

Why does he stay in?

Wasanelder Once