Would You Go To A Memorial Service For A JW )if you were no longer attending the KH)?

minimus

Some of my old JW friends are sickly and getting on in age. So far, I’ve only gone to my mother’s memorial and have avoided the Kingdom Hall altogether.... your thoughts please?

when my father died--2 years ago, there were no funeral instructions in his will. i arranged a simple no service cremation. i attended--with 2 other ex jw friends--and a couple of the ladies who looked after him in the care home.

no one else came---but then i didnt notify his congregation anyway.

StephaneLaliberte

Here are some thoughts:

1) You are stricken by grief and hope to be encouraged by the speaker and people attending.

2) You belief in life after death and want to show the deceased you respected them.

3) You want to provide encouragement and show respect to other people you know who are seriously grieving.

I have once attended for a sister that passed away and went for #3. As I had much respect for her husband and daughter, I made sure to attend.

There is another brother that has since died that I actually loved. However, I never had any type of relationship with his wife and his son, who used to be my friend, disrespected me when I left. Considering that I don't believe in life after death, I didn't see the point of attending. In addition, I knew that I wouldn't get moral support from the talk or people attending either. If anything, they would have made it worst for me. I like to believe that every time I share a story about that brother with my friends, I honor his memory.

StephaneLaliberte

Stan livedeath: When my dad goes, I know I will notify his congregation, after all, they're his friends.

neat blue dog

I know of one family who's been pressured for years to join, when their aunt died they deliberately came during the closing song just to be in the receiving line.

stan livedeath

none from the congregation came near him in his last 12 months

Gorbatchov

Yes I would.

Sometimes you have to be humble.

All about respect.

G.

OnTheWayOut

Funerals are for comforting the living. If I feel that I am comforting an important loved one, I will go to a Kingdom Hall arrangement.

My JW wife was rather insistent that I get off work and travel halfway across the country and be by her side for her father's JW memorial arrangement. Of course I did it. And it had the potential to be disastrous for me, being that it was held where all the older men knew me and many were instrumental in my becoming a JW elder before I moved away. But I managed to keep the men at a distance.

If my step-father attends a memorial for my JW mother, I will be there for him and any others that I care for.
If she is the last to go, I will probably arrange a standard funeral home thing, but not exclude the JW's that were a huge part of her life. But I wouldn't let them do the eulogy, I would arrange for a neutral person to actually talk about her and not the hope for everlasting life.

If my JW wife dies ahead of me, I am certain to do similarly as above- funeral home, neutral talk about her.

I have pretty much decided to skip Kingdom Hall memorials for people in the cult that I knew. I am more of a distraction than a comfort. But if someone requests my presence, I will consider it.

OneEyedJoe

For anyone other than my parents - no way. My parents are getting older, and my father isn't in fantastic health so I've given this some thought off and on. I'm still not sure what I'd do, but it'll sure be a fight with my living parent and still-in brother for it to not be at a KH. I think I'm simply going to insist that the speaker actually talk about the deceased and completely omit the cult sales pitch, being prepared to walk out should the sales pitch begin.

jwundubbed

Memorials and funerals aren't for the dead. They are for the living. It gives us closure. It is a necessary part in processing the death of a loved one. Not everyone needs this to be part of their process of grief but many, if not most, do.

One day my mother or my sister will die. I will go to both their funeral/memorials. I won't listen to the indoctrination that the JWs insist on foisting on the bereaved. I also won't allow members of a religious group to control me. It isn't about them any more than it is about the dead. It is about me and what I need to process the death of people close to me. It sounds selfish, and to be honest... it should be. There is no reason to be selfless and thinking of others when processing your grief. That is the opposite of helpful.

What I need is to see their dead bodies. I need proof that they are dead. Once that is done I can go and finish processing elsewhere. No religious organization gets to control my right to grieve for people I was close to. Allowing them to have that control over me is a power that I refuse to give them.

Would You Go To A Memorial Service For A JW )if you were no longer attending the KH)?

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