by Wonderment 47 Replies latest jw experiences
Yes I get bouts if loneliness. After reading all the posts it really depends on your circumstances.
But I also come to help JWs who are doubting and confused as I once was. It was a terrible time for me and I genuinely want to help.
I have a great boyfriend now so loneliness isn't so much of an issue.
Kate xx
Personally, I've never experienced loneliness. I enjoy solitude way too much (probably even border on misanthropy, but I try to curb that).
Actually, I felt more isolated, exposed, ashamed, vulnerable and on the verge of losing my mind when I was still an active dub. To be surrounded by nosey, closed-minded, overall dumb, uneducated, fake, insincere, dick-waving, hypocritical, back-stabbing religitard assholes with their conditional love was far more torturous than ever being off on my own.
I am a husband and a father of two, working 40 to 60 hours a week. I am very involved with my close and extended family: I’m very busy! Quite frankly, I often find myself on this forum rather than doing other chores; or taking longer breaks at work to finish a thought or a reading on this board. This is not because I’m lonely, it is because I am very passionate about the topics covered here.
For many of us, contribution on this forum is actually the most productive thing that we could ever do. We happen to be experts on a very select area. In addition, our expertise can bring direct help to a great number of people in need of it. Some people know the names of 300 birds, we know the names of the GB members…
For instance, had it not be for pro-active Apostates, absolutely no changes would have been done in how the JW handle pedophiles. Now, they had to deal with a Royal Commission in Australia and are starting to be questioned on their charitable status by other countries. These are great achievement that could not be achieved by people feeling lonely.
In addition, this discussion board is a library by itself. JWs use the Watchtower Library? I use this discussion board as a library! There is a tremendous amount of knowledge that has been shared on this site and to dismiss it away by calling it all a product of “loneliness” reveals a deep lack of respect for everyone on it.
WONDERMENT- This is an excellent thread, thanks for posting it. I do come here to receive support and give support and friendship back. Like some others here have stated - yes- I am very lonely at times kind of in a universal sense . I mean I have a loving wife ( who was never a JW ) who has helped a lot with getting over the cult and it's phobia's - but being raised by a strict elder dad and not exiting the Witnesses until age 44 over 12 years ago - has really done a number on my self esteem at times. I was always made to feel by my elder dad and older elder brother that I never measured up to amount to anything. And I was never acknowledged from either of them for doing anything of value in my life. Fortunately I received tons of compliments from my mom who is the one who built up my self esteem that my dad tore down.
Not to get too wordy in giving a psychological analysis of myself - LOL - I have been " dumped " by both of my JW daughters 28 and 27 years old - so far I still have not been allowed to see my only grandchild , my JW daughters new boy and he is a month old. Even in spite of sending my daughter a gift card with $ 100.00 in it- no thank you, no acknowledgment whatsoever. I have a great relationship with my 30 year old non-JW son and we are close- but he lives about 2 hours away and is busy with work and college which I'm happy for. So yes, I feel a sense of huge loss with my two daughters- it's been about 12 years since they've done anything close to " association " with me doing something fun like most " normal " families do.
I only had a couple close JW friends when I was in and those relationships are long gone now too the last 10 years or so. For which I'm thankful as they were " conditional" relationships based on whether I attended meetings or got back in the cult. Which ain't gonna happen. But this board was really a lifeline for me and I've made so many great friends here with many of you wonderful people so yes this board really assists me in my feelings of loneliness and helps rebuild my self esteem to see that I do have something valuable to offer.
My wife would often wonder why I had some doubts about how other people viewed me and I tell her it was because the JW cult sucked out my self confidence. So I worked hard over the years to restore my self confidence and trust that do have valuable assets and qualities that I can give back to people in my life not only here to people but other non-JW's in my life as well. Playing guitar and writing songs these last 4 years has been a REAL help in my healing process as well.
A deep thank you to Simon for this board and Wonderment for the thread. Simon- You don't even realize how many lives you have changed and/or saved by keeping this board going- including my life my friend - keep the great , beautiful work up - you are saving and changing lives for the better. O.K. I better stop writing as I'm starting to tear up now. The Flipper softy part of me is getting exposed. LOL
flipper: When you see others going through similar crap from the borg, you don't
feel so bad. My daughter is getting married next week, will I be present, NO I wasn't
invited. Why should I, I haven't seen her in over 12-15 years.
flipper:
Thanks for sharing your experiences with us. Your wife is special. Hang on to her.
Your experiences are similar to mine. I have a large family, but I don't have contact with most of them, because that's the way they want it. My big "sin" was submitting a disassociation note many years ago. In it I expressed appreciation to the elders and their kindness. I have kept my negative comments of the WTS to a minimum. Since then, I keep most of my feelings (except here, of course) tucked away.
To this day I don't know where one of my daughters lives. She is still active, and lives more than a thousand miles away, but she often visits a city in my area less than an hour drive away. I called her to see if we can meet in a place of her choice, and she said no. She said that she owes her loyalty first to Jehovah, hence she cannot communicate with me. That hurts! (My other non-active-daughter occasionally drops some info.)
And talking about self-esteem, it is difficult to have good self-esteem brought up as a JW Witness. Once out of the WT system, we all try to rebuild our lives the best way we can.
The life and example that our Lord Jesus Christ set forth is encouraging to all Christians. In it we learned how he as "perfect" individual lovingly dealt with sinners. He treated most everyone with dignity and respect, an example not followed by most church goers. Rather than imposing heavy religious burdens on people, he encouraged others to "live freely and lightly":
“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away
with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real
rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the
unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on
you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” (Matt 11.28-30, The Message)
Mrs. Flipper here - It was me who found this forum. Because of Flipper's family's awful behavior, I googled and got here. Had no clue how crazy the religion is.
Found kind people on here who were very helpful. Have no use for religion but a strong belief in freedom, so have stayed on this board to assist others.
But also because we have made great friends here. If the board shut down we would stay in touch for sure. There have been very few weirdos over the years
I wish anyone here who is lonely would try to start or go to an "apostafest" or even meet for coffee.
I'm not real social - really hate parties with polite chit chat. Painfully boring.
XJW meetups are so different - these people have been through the wringer and don't waste time with superficial bs. They are sincere. Most also develop a good sense of humor.
If you are lonely, pm someone you think well of. Several of our closest friends from here are way across the country so we talk on the phone.
Mrs. F
Hey Mrs. F, it was nice meeting you and Flipper at the lunch in Folsom. My daughter and I enjoyed it very much. Her husband didn't get why she was interested in meeting people she didn't know, he said " I used to be a boy scout but I don't go to boy scout reunions". We both immediately said "but the boy scouts are not a cult!"
I think that what people are looking for when they come here is a connection, someone else who gets it, that knows how hard it is to lose family and friends, that gets the damage caused by being in a high control religion, the betrayal you feel when you realize how much you were lied to. We understand how you can be affected even years after leaving, people who have never been through it cannot.
