(this has nothing to do with JW, but a book I have found very helpful is Judith Sill's "A Fine Romance." The descriptions of the phases of relationships are wonderful reminders that this is just what it is like and not that there is something wrong with you or the person you are interested in!)
How has the org changed you emotionally?
by obiwan 18 Replies latest jw experiences
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kgfreeperson
(umm. What kind of freudian slip was that? That should read that there is NOTHING wrong . . . .!)
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A Paduan
Well....... I haven't been in it, but I am saddened by it....... it's a nasty thing
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Introspection
I am not as attached either, and I've come to discover that this is kind of rare when it comes to family members, but this does not mean I don't care about them or have compassion for them, I'm just not enmeshed.
A few of you mentioned trust, this is kind of interesting because it just occurred to me yesterday that trust not only has to do with relationships like falling in love with people, but it also has to do with how we perceive things in life.
I realized the following paragraph is kind of going off on a tangent after writing it, so I'll address the emotional aspect here first. The relationship between trust and emotions may be that you don't trust your emotions, which is to say you don't trust yourself in a way. I say that while obviously sometimes we get "too emotional", I don't think it's a question of trusting it or not, but seeing it for what it is. In another way not having trust is like a kind of insecurity, and in a strange way it's like you trust that more than you trust anything else. In any case there is some kind of resistance, and as some of you have probably noticed sometimes there's resistance against the not trusting too, and when you've got both going it becomes a cycle of tail chasing. So basically I think it's important to not repress your emotions, but just look to see what they're about. We all know how sometimes a person might have a lot of stress in their life, and then someone comes along and says something that just makes them blow up - the trigger may be small, but of course it was about something bigger than that, possibly more than one thing.
I think we need to distinguish trust from being gullible too, it's not like you would just put all your trust in someone when you don't know them. I think where it becomes an issue though is despite the fact that you do know a person - which can be just in a particular way - you don't trust them because you don't trust yourself, you don't trust that knowing. I'm sure at times most people wonder "What if I'm wrong about this/him/her?" You could be wrong, but then again you don't have to have a judgement in the first place - it may be as simple as just not knowing about the thing or the person, which is not the same as fearing the worst. In a way I think it's just a matter of trusting yourself enough - I mean sure, you're not going to be sure at times and may find that you just don't know, but you got this far in life - so while you certainly want to be prudent and careful, I kind of see it as a matter of just moving on in life, otherwise you'll never do anything because you're not sure about trusting anything 100% - we just do the best we can.
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2Bfreewilled4Eturnty
Hello: (1st time sharing my feelings from experiences from the J.W.'s other than to dear friends, and specialists)
It's been 17 years since I was a part of, the first 15 just a member born into the organization, then, at age 16, decided to dedicate myself, only to be disfellowshipped at 17. As of two weeks ago, it still was an everyday issue for me. Being raised from infancy and having very close family ties, all of which, are members of the congregation, except for one brother, whom I'm not sure will ever recover from the emotional trauma it left due to the loss of such a tie and bond as there was in our family (well still is, just a few short) and it's been 16 years for him. Approxitmately 65 of the 90 members in our congregation were my relatives. It's been said our that congregation came across stricter than others, most likely due to the family issues, Uncles being elders, there becomes a problem when a younger, brother, a newphew is an elder, and needs to reprimand his uncle whom is much older. These kinds of things would arise in our congregation regularly: Pride, lack of love, Sense of belittling, Arrogance present during a reprimanding, Private matters not so private, etc. The elders of my disfellowhipping committee were all relatives, and not less than cornering me with their voices raised, belittling to the point of me running out the room crying to never explain my side.
Now with my relationships and friendships, I'm very good about getting my point across when I'm hurt, or misunderstood. Being unable to stand up for myself for 17 years and my feelings on matters, existing as a programmed piece of equipment, and finally letting relatives of the congregation inform my immediate family to cut off all ties with me at the most important time in my life, was unfair, and I was such an insecure and low self esteemed teenager, I didn't know how to stand up for myself to them, let alone, I didn't even know what I stood for. Trust was not an issue. . .I didn't trust anymore. . .My brother and I have been on and off with psychiatrists, perscribed almost every type of depression and anxiety medication. We are both recovering addicts, my brother spent 5 consecutive years in prison beginning at the age of 17. Self-worth.? . Hard one to bring back. . .we are still rebuilding and sometimes, we start over of we decide not to like it. None of the people that it would mean the most from are going to let us know that we are worth loving and we are great persons. Both of us have had several relationships. We come from a family of very good looking individuals, and my brother and I are fortunate for that. Relationships and friends (superficial) were easy to come by, and easy to leave. My brother and I would at any point we felt like a change, pack things up into our car, and move away, hundreds of miles away.
This is my first time I have actually put a portion of my story on a page in front of me. Nonetheless to go against and speak out of issues of my childhood as a J.W. Is not how I was raised. I have, just as of 2 weeks ago, had some light shed on some teachings I was taught (the holy spirit) , and on some teachings they forgot to teach (free will to choose). That was enough for me. The path for eternal life will be the organization that will not not varying from the word of god never change concepts or meanings of beliefs due to a period of time we live in or because of major issues effecting our world we live in. Each scripture in the bible is a teaching not just certain ones- and no where does it say in the bible-- that persons whom take jesus' advice --to research and examine the scriptures for the absolute evidence of truth and when finding it to be true and unchanging, complete with true testimony of Gods word, to apply the truths and obey the commandments as they teach directly from the bible-- to abstain from such persons, or to disfellowship them, calling them bad association. The individuals responsibe creating for such an organization with such beliefs, that are mind altering as if to take their ability to think for themselves away,lies, etc, they will be held responsible for all the countless lives effected by their selfish, controlling tactics. Those that are active members of Jehovah's Witnesses, and are truly and heartedly, following what they believe to be true in their hearts- raising their children as such i don't think should be held accountable. Most of them came from lives that had major tragedy, or just no- sense of hope, they have a past that they is undesirable to them, and because of the sovereignty they felt in the organizaion soon thereafter learning of it, their lives changed. Those of us raised from youth, per say, only knew what we were being taught, and for some of us, the experiences we shared were as children and or adults, were enough to want to forget our past completely, making it, not easy, but more basis for reason to leave.
Anyways, wow, thanks for reading, I am on fire trying to learn and read the bible again and see it for what it really is, all information or suggestions will be appreciated, I just want to get on with life and with my marriage and my own little family.
Thanks again (sorry for rambling) I am back on track!!!
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Maverick
I HATE all organized religion. And actively seek ways to be a big pain in the rear with the J-dud masters. Maverick
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shamus
2BEFREEWILLED,
That was an amazing story. To have to go through all that and come out the other end without some emotional damage is impossible. It is incredible how you have coped, and are still trying to get through it. Check out this website for your condition:
It helped me lots.
I never had to deal with what many of you dealt with - leaving family, etc. etc. etc. I just can't imagine it right now.
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Country Girl
I'm at last (after 22 years) finding empathy for my fellow humans. Used to be I'd rather see a person die than an animal. I know that's terrible, but it's true. Animals provided me unconditional love when I was a child, something I had never received as a JW child.
Country Girl
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Pepper
I used to really belive that Jehovah was directinng the writeings of the WT, but now I see he does not. They are just like all the rest, their in it for control of the mases and by that control they have influnce, influnce builds numbers numbers builds power; and power corrupts, and too much power like they have corrupts absolutly". Even now I feel their leanings of control even if I don't want it; its a fantasy world that is hard to break free from, because they dump guilt onn you so thick and heavey it could for some people put them over the edge.
Pepper