What are you afraid of, Joel? That the JWs just might be right? Your beliefs affect how you feel. If you violate your beliefs, no matter how wise or nutty, you hurt your self-confidence.
Self confidence
by joelbear 15 Replies latest jw friends
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caligirl
I think that low self esteem/confidence can be caused by many things. When an active witness, we hear constantly that we are not doing enough to be acceptable. You got 5 hours, and that's good, but you are not good enough if you don't make that 10 next time, etc. it is easy to accept after being raised with that that they are right. Add that to the pressure of having to be different at school, at work, personal stressors and you have a great breeding ground for a low opinion of ones worth in the world.
For me the first step was leaving behind the witness way of thinking and everything that went with it. Then came recognition of the fact that we all matter, coupled with spending time with genuine friends. We all have our moments of insecurity but a big step for me was learning to recognize that everyone does - some just cover it up better than others. Not one of us is better than another human being - just different, and learning to embrace our differences and accept ourselves for who we are is the first step on the road to recovering the confidence that was public talked out of us to keep us under control and malleable.
It does get better Joel - trust in yourself and your abilities and surround yourself with loving friends.
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DazedAndConfused
Well, wasn't that interesting. LOL
Joel,
I have read your post's for almost 2 years now. I feel your pain. Let me speak without you taking offense ok?
First off I see that you want to blame anything and everything for your pain. Hear me out please? For some time I thought that you had good reason for blaming the Witlesses for your pain since I was also dealing with my own pain. I could understand...I even did a thumbs up for you occasionally. Your pain was my pain...for a while.
I am not saying that because I have overcome my pain that "it is about damned time" you got over yours. What I am saying is that these boards serve a purpose. One of the purposes is to help us to overcome pain. I am begging that you listen to others on this board that might have good advise for you.
We love you Joel and we find it hard to watch you wallow in pain.
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Big Tex
Jehovah's Witnesses offer simple solutions to complex problems. Who would want that? They also view the world in black and white terms. Who wouldn't want that? They just absolutely right and everyone else is absolutely wrong. Who wouldn't want that?
I think if you buy into that whole way of thinking you give part of yourself away. But then when you find it was all a lie, the innocent trust inside is broken. It is only natural for self-esteem and self-confidence to be damaged.
Consider that if at 4 o'clock every day a 900 pound gorilla broke down your door and beat the living hell out of you, wouldn't you start to get a little jumpy at 3:59? A negative experience affects how we look at ourselves. It is part of the human makeup.
Maybe instead of looking for outside validation of your worth, what if you gave it to yourself? What if you gave yourself a gift of trust? Trust yourself that you are worth something and that you have value, just because you are who you are. It's not everything, and it's only a small gift, but it's a place to start.
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teejay
Joel,
Recently on here there was a thread about depression – maybe not what you're talking about, but bear with me.
One poster mentioned the efforts they personally took to solve their problems and, based on the degree of depression that affected them, helped themselves.
Another poster came along to say that just because Poster 1 was able to solve *their* problems should not be taken to mean that *everyone* could. Depression takes many forms in varying degrees of severity. Poster Two made a very serious and important point: Many (most) people suffering from it need professional help.
I've read your posts for two years – read about your highs and lows, learned (as much as you've been willing to share) about Mitch... been to your website... the whole nine. I think I have a pretty good fix on you as a person. I wonder: have you in the past or are you now seeing a therapist? I've gotten counseling myself and believe me... it does a lot of good.