Caring for elderly parent

by Sadie5 14 Replies latest jw friends

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  outnfree

  ((((((((((Sadie))))))))

  I am struggling with the possibility of having to bring my 74 year old mother into our home because she had what we now know to be a transient ischemic stroke ("brain attack" as they now say) on Mother's Day weekend. It is daunting to think of all the changes and accommodations that will need to be made. She is very independent and we are quite alike, which means we'll likely butt heads in close quarters. We have a very good relationship now, which is long distance but keeping in touch with e-mail and IMs and phone calls.

  Mulan,

  Please give me your opinion on what the new privacy laws are good for. I honestly am uninformed on all this legislation, and perhaps you followed it in the papers (or Congress)?

  This morning my dentist was telling me that complying adds $1100 to his office overhead expenses and the tech laughingly said that were I to pass by a treatment room and recognize a neighbor (or FAMILY MEMBER!!!) in there, that would technically be a violation of these new privacy laws,and they'd "have to kill me" so I couldn't divulge the information! Sounds like the legislation is a bit over the top. And the Dr. said I could thank Hillary Clinton for this, so I guess she [co-]sponsored the original bill?

  So yes, I am going to ask my mom to once again give me Durable Power of Attorney in medical affairs. Good heads up there. Thanks!

  outnfree

  PS - DJ - I read your other thread as well on your "loving" JW siblings. Remind them they are to be "clothed in affection" and so caring for dad OR mom should not be a burden to them and that as a parent yourself you are responsible to your "one flesh" mate and your children FIRST. Take care of yourself, honey. (((((((((to all the ones here coping with caregiving dilemmas))))))
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  Mary

  What's everyone bellyaching for?!! Don't you know that none of us will ever get old, or see our parents get old in this System of Things?!!

  Sorry............little bit of sarcastic "humour" there as I too, am dealing with aging parents. They're both in their 70s now, and are still okay, but I know my mother will eventually get alzheimers, as it runs in the family and bother her mother and grandmother died from it.

  Sadie, my 78 year old aunt had her knees replaced last year because they were both shot. She's overweight and not in the greatest of health, but her kids convinced her to have it done. She moaned and groaned like there was no tomorrow when she finally had it done, because she was in "so much pain." Now I don't want to minimize it, but my aunt is VERY theatrical and will do ANYTHING for attention and sympathy. Anyway, a year later and she thinks it was the best thing she ever had done. She doesn't have the pain any more and can walk just fine.

  If your mom does have this operation, make sure the doctor that does it has a really good reputation.

  Good luck.
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  Cowboy

  Sadie,and everyone else caring for elderly parents,bless you...I was there with both of my parents before they passed away.I know how hard it is,especially when all the effort falls on one or two people,but there are 50 busy telling them how they should do it.

  Just wanted to add a couple of comments.Get lots of official (notarized) copies of the D.P.A. and keep them handy.With them you will be able to take care of business,and you're priveleged to any information pertaining to them.Also,hard as it is to think about,please be sure that you have an advance directive,stating their wishes as to life support,etc...Also a DNR (do not recusitate (sp?) ) if that's the person's wish.Otherwise,as power of attorney,these decisions will fall completely on you,and that's alot of stress.Also it's best,in case other family members disagree as to what course the care should take.

  Hope all goes well for you.

  CB
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  Valis

  Sadie...I've dealt with relatives that have had Alzhiemer's and let me tell you...the abillity of your mother to still be able to reason and think about her life is a good thing. She may be failing physically, but the mental aspect of her life may be exercising itself, even if she does ask you to do crazy things sometime...I wouldn't see any reason why you couldn't just tell her you had all the mighty resources of the Internet looking for her boyfriend...it might make her happy in a bad time of it.... It might be hard for you to try and work through some of the stuff she brings up, but it will only be more resolved down the line for you....especially when you don't have the chance to ask her or hear her voice again. Speaking of which, if there are stories from your family that you have as favorites, have your mom record them for you...since she will have some time off her feet it could keep her busy for a while and you would have some of your best memories to keep...even when you can't think of them yourself...*LOL* Best of luck and take care..

  Sincerely,

  District Overbeer
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  Sadie5

  Thanks everyone for your responses. I'm up early this morning to get Mom ready for her Doctor's appointment. She is so ready for this, she said she wishes the surgeon would start today.

  Valis; Thanks for the idea of having her record stories. She's always been a great story teller. When I was growing up, she would tell me about her childhood and it sounded like something from a Disney movie. Her mom died when she was eight, and she was passed from grandparents, aunts& uncles, and older siblings. Each place had a story of it's own.

  Mulan: Thanks for the idea of classmates.com, when I get a chance I'll see if I can find out anything about him there.

  Mary: Thanks for the encouragement. The doc we're seeing today is known as "the knee man" so I guess he's done a lot of them.

  Ascot: Thanks for your encouragement. Wish you well with your Mom too. When my mom had surgery several years ago, there was a home care nurse that came a couple times a week. It was a welcome break. Hopefully that will be available this time too. We've had a lot budget cuts in our state because of the economy and some elderly programs got the knife.

  To everyone else, thanks. I'm going to slurp down my coffee and head for the shower in just a few minutes.

  Sadie