Hybridous,
I was once in the shoes of your 17-year-old brother--straight-A student, model JW girl, but seeing a worldly boy on the sly.
I'm the oldest, so I didn't have to worry about older sibs tattling on me. However, two of my cousins once spotted me walking with this boy to his car, and they called my mom as quickly as their feet could carry them from the bus to their front door. I worked for this boy's father after school (ironically, the father was a printer), so I had an alibi.
Looking back, I'm glad our clandestine relationship was able to continue. It was quite innocent--we drank Cokes and listened to records in his basement. But we also talked, and the exposure to new ideas was very good for me.
Even though I was at the top of my class, I had no plans to go to college. Not only was it strongly frowned upon by the Society back then, but it seemed an impossibility to me. My family was poor, and no one had ever been to college before. Where would I get the money?
This boy's family was appalled at this, and his older sister wrote a letter to Indiana University, painting me as an Abe Lincoln case. Indiana University offered me a full scholarship. I could not resist.
Granted, I went to college for many of the wrong reasons. Even though I loved to learn, I saw it as a way to follow my worldly boyfriend. My conception of college was based on black and white movies from the 1950s. I imagined we'd continue dating, eventually go steady, get pinned, get married, and live happily ever after. I would be the great martyr, sacrificing my hope of eternal life for a few precious years with him. What JW girl can resist the idea of self-sacrifice? I was in for a big surprise.
Still, I'm glad that whatever the motivation, I got there. I have never forgotten the heady exposure to new ideas I experienced that first year. One of my classes that first semester was "Ideas and Modern Man." We began by comparing creation myths. That sure gave me a jolt.
I hadn't learned any self-discipline as one of Jehovah's Witnesses; I only knew how to be good if someone was watching. It took me a year or more to learn that I could say "no" if someone invited me to a party. Eventually I ratted myself out, confessing to the elders my heinous sin of smoking cigarettes. I just wanted to be free.
I agree with the others--let your brother find his own way. Don't force a confrontration with the elders until he is ready. Having a worldly girlfriend may do more to open his eyes than a judicial committee meeting anyway, and it will do it in a much more gentle way. It will be much better if he feels free to talk with you about these things, rather than viewing you as someone who cannot be trusted with secrets.
Ginny