Discipline or abuse - Which?

by Lady Lee 17 Replies latest jw friends

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  Its so simple

  It has always amazed me that Elders give talks about discipline and they use the scripture about beat your son with the rod of discipline. They fail to do their homework that the rod of a shepard was used to guide. You can beat on a sheep as hard as you want, they have up to 6 inches of wool at times. It's a little different with kids.

  I also had the experience of noting that the only time I ever felt frustrated to the point of physical discipline was at the meetings. I examined the circumstances that led to this and realized it was a scenario created by people with no experience with children ( WTBS cronies ) they never have to take a kid to a meeting, so how in touch with reality can they be?
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  fairy

  I have no children, but, from what i have observed, which is a lot, my opinion is that there is a difference between a spank and abuse....every child is different and what will work with one will not work with another.
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  Lady Lee

  Francois

  That is such a painfully eloquent account of the trauma of emotional abuse. Too few people consider what their words do to children. A child gets their whole sense of self from how their parents treat them. It can make or break their spirit. A thoughtless word can create a scar that lasts a lifetime. And the rules of silence in a family contributes greatly to these on-going problems.

  Thanks for sharing
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  Ghost of Esmeralda

  as a child i was hit upside the head by my father's hand to the point of seeing stars, (until my mother finally warned him to knock it off before he damaged my brain or something) it was never for anything i did, it was always just when he was in a bad mood.

  my mother hit me with wooden spoons, and hairbrushes. on the butt, but it hurt plenty. and she didn't 'need' to hit me, i was a very easily guilted child (emotional abuse all over the place) and so all they had to do was look at me sideways and i would obey. so the hitting wasn't necessary.

  i have never hit my child. Not once. she's seven now, and i am glad i never have. her father spanked her one time, (despite my telling him he'd better never do it) on the butt, but she has never forgotten and views him differently because of it.

  i just don't hit. to me, it says to a child that physical violence is acceptable, and to me, that is unacceptable.

  when she's out of line, i get her where she lives: taking away priveleges. Never fails to work for me.

  ~essie

  ps one time when i was very, very small, about four, we were at the bookstudy and the conductor asked if anyone else had any comments before he closed with prayer. I raised my hand, and before my parents could put it down, he called on me. He asked what i had to say, and with all honesty I said "I want to say that parent's shouldn't spank, cause it hurts their kids feelings." my parents were mortified. you'd think one adult in that room would have realized that they needed to figure out why i said that *shrug*
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  Lady Lee

  Out of the mouths of babes

  Essie Most JWs seem to think it is OK to spank. In fact they are taught it so it is no wonder no one said anything. They were doing their "Christian duty" to apply the rod of discipline

  Makes me ill

  on the other board it is amazing how many people are saying it is ok and right to hit your kids to teach them to be scared of you. I am frustrated and angry at all these people. They just don't get it
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  obiwan

  Well all i know is I didn't get spanked i got beat as a child,needless to say I do feel there are boundaries to this.
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  Nosferatu

  "my mother hit me with wooden spoons, and hairbrushes. on the butt, but it hurt plenty. "

  I got hit in the head with a wooden hairbrush, because my mother was mad that my father visited his ex-wife when he was out in BC.
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  asleif_dufansdottir

  My mom used 'the leg whipper'. It was, at various times in my childhood, either the rubber hose from a hot water bottle, or an extension cord.

  Poor Frank. How awful. I can relate. At least your ears weren't really huge and deformed. My mother never lost any opportunity to make fun of me for being fat. I'll never forget, she saw me in my underwear one day (I was, maybe 13?), and started laughing, and told my dad, "There's what your daughter would look like in a bikini." My dad asked her why on earth she would say such a thing. Unfortunately, I was fat (still am) and everybody else, from my classmates to other people I interact with as an adult, feel free to comment on my weight. I think I'll go think about something else for a while...