What is the only sin you can't be repentant of?
This is a question my pioneer brother posed to me as a riddle one day. He had gotten it while in the field service with the CO. The answer surprised and upset me.
Suicide. Because after you commit suicide, you are dead, and can't repent. This was the answer to the CO's riddle.
I went off and thought about it. I searched through the bound volumes for a Watchtower I had read on the subject. I showed it to my brother. In it was a paragraph I had remembered reading about people who had jumped off of high buildings and survived the fall. They reported that they had a change of heart during the fall.
Whether my brother took this information back to the CO or not I don't know. I was upset with the CO, however, and also a bit disheartened that he would have such an insensitive attitude toward such a serious subject. To me, this riddle was not only inaccurate, but entirely inappropriate.
You see, I had thought a lot about suicide. I had constructed several effective scenarios for doing it. I considered them my escape plans.
I had also began to have a lot of thoughts about other things. I was beginning to have my doubts about a religion where I was so desperate to escape that I would consider killing myself. Religion is supposed to be something that brings joy and satisfaction to your life, but I was miserable. Meetings were not encouraging, as so many said they were. They were actually discouraging to me. I felt better when I didn't go.
I have been thinking about all of this a lot since I read a recent thread about someone's dear friend who was DF and then committed suicide. I remembered back to when I thought constantly about suicide, back when I was a JW. It was a very difficult time for me. It was so different for me back then than it is now. I never think about it any longer. I sure did back then. It's not a subject for some smart-ass riddle. It's a serious problem. One that they will never take their responsibility for.
Tammy