This is my first time posting...I've been lurking for awhile. I "faded away" in September and my mental health has greatly improved, although I still struggle with a somewhat-controlled eating disorder. I have a long history of mental health problems, from the time I was about 20. I was raised "in the truth" and my parents were very emotionally/verbally abusive. I'm not angry with them and don't believe in blaming them for my problems, but I am struggling with how to have a relationship with them now that I've left the organization. I'm trying to protect my fragile health (physical and mental) and their guilt trips etc. are really upsetting to me. I guess this post (which could be about 20 pages long) is mostly to say hi to everybody here (it's so good to have others who have left JW!) and to get a feeling for what others have found is their own relationship between mental health/leaving the organization/abusive parents (my dad's an elder, of course!)/eating disorders/suicide attempts/etc. I know that's a broad topic but I'm very interested in knowing what others have gone through.
Depression, Suicide, Abusive Parents
by kitties_and_horses_oh_my! 20 Replies latest jw friends
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DanTheMan
Welcome to the Board!
and to get a feeling for what others have found is their own relationship between mental health/leaving the organization/abusive parents
Well, I can tell you that leaving JW's was the best thing that you could have done as far as improving your mental health. Ever wonder why so many in the org are on antidepressants? JWism is a religion that constantly reinforces in the minds of the adherents that they are fallen sinful creatures living in a miserable corrupt world ruled by Satan. The present is BAD BAD BAD, the future will be GREAT GREAT GREAT, and you will live to see it, provided that you DO ALL YOU CAN IN JERHOVER'S SERVICE!!!! ARE YOU DOING ALL YOU CAN? ARE YOU SURE????? Not a recipe for happiness or contentment, and year after year goes by, but the "new system" never comes.
I nearly had a nervous breakdown twice during my last year in, and I thought of suicide often. I don't claim to have achieved any sort of superior mental health, but things are way better for me since I left.
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nowisee
welcome kh&omy!
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Utopian_Raindrops
Hi Kitties!!!!
Welcome to the board!!!
I am sorry for your struggles but I am sure things will be better with time.
What I am doing about my abusive parents (mostly my mother) is only speaking to them one day a month and only allowing visits with my children once every 2 months…..with Holidays counting as the visit.
I have decided that every time the phone conversation gets abusive I will make my excuses and say bye.
Then I wont speak again with them for another month!!That’s the miracle of caller I.D.!!!! Yeah!!!
I have also resolved myself to asking my mother or father “Why did you say that?” Pointing out to them it was not a necessary comment or that it was invalid.
It was hell being a JW plus having such parents as I do so I can imagine how much you have been through. {{{{{{hugz}}}}}}
There are so many here who understand where you’ve been and what you’re going through now that I know you’ve come to the right place.
WELCOME!!!! -
LyinEyes
Hi Kittie and Horses,,,,,,,, two of my favorite animals. Welcome to the board, you will find soooooo many here who have a story so similar to yours, you will be amazed at how much more you will learn about others by posting and replying back.
I was an elders daughter, my dad was very controlling and he was super duper to the letter strict. I got lots of very bad whippings, slaps, kicks, ropes, extenstion cords, etc. My mom was a pitiful mess, she was in her own world for so long, addicted to prescription pain pills, and depressed and sleeping most of the time.
I hated my home life, because the older I got the more I wanted to run away, but I would have never had the courage to do that,,,,,,, simply because it went agaisnt what my dad said never to do. I started writing poetry and my dad found it, slapped the hell out of me for being too"dark" and made me burn all my poems and the box i had them in for so long. My only refuge was school, I loved school for the hours away from home. My senior year, my dad , lied and said I was going to pioneer to everyone, but later told me I would be working for him full time in the office,,,,,,,, which I hated because I had to be around him even more. He literally gave me stomach ulcers and I was on meds for it.
The day the seniors went on their senior trip, which of course I didnt even ask to go,,,,,, I seriously thought of driving my brand new mustang over the bridge. I didnt thank goodness, but it is sad that someone so young, would even think of that.
It wasnt too many years later that my mother actually did committ suicide by jumping off of the same bridge I wanted to drive off of, and she drown. That was 17 years ago, she was only 35.
I dont speak to my father anymore because I stopped going to meetings, then when I d/a myself it was so easy for him to never speak to me again, and that is how it has been for the last 2 years.
But you know what......... I AM NOW, MORE HAPPY THAN I HAVE EVER BEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry for shouting, but I wanted to let you know that thru all the miserable JW childhood , the miserable JW wasted young adult years, where I feel so sick with migrains, fibromyalgia, depressions, severe mood swings, feeling exhausted ,,,,,,,,,,that life is good now.
I still deal with a great many physical problems but since leaving the borg, they are all so much better and I can cope with a bad flare up and just rest and take it easy when I need to.
Sorry this was so long,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, now this is a long post, but I wanted to just let you know about me , in the most condensed version.............yeah , this is the condensed version..........lol.
Hugs and Welcome,,,,,,,,,,Dede / LyinEyes
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Aztec
K and H and Oh my, The witnesses are a mind controlling cult. Once you have broken free of their influence completly you will see how much love there is in the world! I cannot stress enough that apostates and people who have never been involved with the jduds are kind and caring people, most times so much more caring! Do not let guilt weigh you down. It is another of their controlling techniques. Take care of yourself, you deserve it!
~Aztec
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Granny Linda
Hi, Kittens. Welcome.
Thank you for sharing so much of your story with us. It's helps, that's for sure not only you, but us.
I used to hear in A.A. (yeah, that's where I was introduced to recovery) that suicide was a permanant solution to a temporary problem. And since that time I've learned there is a more positive solution; although I, too, have had my bouts with depression and suicidal thoughts.
I'm so very glad you posted. That's what this forum is about...sharing our experience and hope for a brighter tomorrow. And it does come. One thing other former drunks would always say, "It ain't easy, but it does get better." Boy, I'm sure glad no one ever told me it would be easy...but ya know, with time it does get easier. Easier, in my opinion, once we find that inner strength, it's easier dealing with life as it comes. And sometimes that means cutting off negative association - from whatever source it originates.
When I was in 7th grade I walked out of art class saying I was going to kill myself. I was desperate, lonely, frightened, and just plain unhappy with everything going on in my life. Actually I was just going home early for lunch, but the cops meant me half way because the teachers did take heed. Of course the only place my mom took me was before the elders. More of the same old shit.
My mom would wait until her anger was so great that she would pick up the nearest object and begin hitting any one of us. How very, very sad for any child growing up in such sickness. This whole JW thing tork's my pistle. And that's stating it mildly.
Here, too, I could write pages, but I'll end by saying again that I'm happy for any of us who have survived untold misery at the hands of abusive parents. Religious abuse is very real. Not just with JW's, but other groups as well. Once I got a handle on my drinking, the religious abuse issues came into play.
It's not about blame, you're right. But parents have accountability. Now that we are the adult, it is our responsibility to seek healing...and sharing is a part of that process. Besides, as I've already stated, you help us perhaps more than we help you. It's a reminder of Gratitude.
Gawd, this old lady in A.A. would preach Gratitude at just about every meeting!And as life goes, I've learned over these past 16 years just how magical such expressions are.
Thank you for being here for us.
And for all the new posters that I've ignored too long...WELCOME
granny linda
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Pistoff
Welcome, KHOM.
I have found that I feel much more mental freedom as I fade away from belief in the WT. I have a strong faith and reliance on God, a higher power actually, (me too Linda) but feel great relief at seeing the puppet strings as I have faded away. I feel some sadness for family still being true believers, and I miss the tight sense of community, but I realize that I can find those things elsewhere. I am pretty close to my recovery friends.
Welcome to the board!
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shamus
Welcome to the board!
Your story is not at all unique, sadly. So many persons have suffered here... such horrible things....
Depression brought me to the organization, as a relief. Unfortunately, the relief never did come, and they drove me to suicide on more than one occasion. I felt like I was the only person in the world, and that communication with anyone was impossible. It was the darkest moments of my life.
that all changed when I left the org. My anxiety dropped, my self-esteem boosted, and I got help. I strongly suggest that you go see your doctor asap, and see about getting some help, both medical and psychological asap.
Check out this website, www.wingofmadness.com
They have links to 5 different message boards, and this was a big start to my recovery. Please take care, and I hope to get to know you better.
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Guest 77
K&H, greetings and glad to hear your making progress with your situation, keep it up.
Guest 77
Then I wont speak again with them for another month!!
