Depression, Suicide, Abusive Parents (page 2)

ChrisVance

While I never actually attempted it, I thought frequently of suicide while I was a jdub. Now it never crosses my mind. When I was a dub I had constant back problems. I tried various types of treatment. A reflexologist told me my muscles were the tensest of anyone he'd ever treated. An osteopath told me I was so tense that he was afraid to do an adjustment for fear he'd do me damage. Since leaving the dubs eleven years ago I've had little or no back problems. Not that life has been perfect, but I now have options. Something a dub doesn't have.

blondie

Suicide is the question, not the answer.

Hi, Kittens.

I have faded away recently myself and I am enjoying the peace of mind and the time to heal. I haven't strugged with suicide from some time (about 15 years), mostly because I found outside help (outside the WTS) and have learned not to blame myself for the things my family and other JWs do. This help finally brought me to the realization that the last source of abuse I needed to leave was the WTS. I wish I had done it sooner.

Welcome to JWD, you will find many "kindred spirits."

Blondie

Nosferatu

Hi Kittens!

Just a brief summary of what I've gone through, my mother was very abusive toward me. Whenever her temper would flare up, I was the punching bag. I got beaten a lot for things that I didn't cause. I was beaten for money problems, my mother's marriage problems, you name it.

When I entered grade 7, the kids would pick on me and beat up on me. I was told that fighting is wrong in Jehovah's eyes, so I never stood up for myself. I would pray and pray, and try to put my "burden" upon Jehovah, but things got worse. My nerves were shot. On my way to school, I would start shaking. At my locker, I would start shaking, wondering who was going to sneak up behind me and bash me in the head with a hardcover text book. The same happened in class. It went on every day. I was picked on to the point I had tears in my eyes, and I would get picked on for that. I was forced to wear ugly hand-me-downs, because Jehovah's people were supposed to stand out. I contemplated suicide many times.

Now that I'm 25, I realize that my mother's emotional problems are due to her upbringing. Sadly, the Watchtower discourages people from getting professional help. She is still incredibly bitter from her first marriage, and her sexually abusive father. The Watchtower Society covers all the problems with a blanket of Watchtower magazines to hide the problems.

I would love to forgive my mother, but I can't unless she admits to what she's done to me. I've tried confronting her about the beatings, but she denies they ever happened.

Anyway, welcome to your journey into the future. This is your chance to make your life better, take full advantage of it!

Francois

Wow, Nosferatu (what DOES that mean?),

Your mother was textbook abusive, wasn't she? I'll bet she really gets into advanced retreating when you bring up the subject, doesn't she?

There is a great book out there that perhaps you may have heard of, perhaps not. It's title is Toxic Parents. I've read it a time or two, since my own parents - well - my family of origin was/is dysfunctional to the core. Anyway, I recommend that book and hope it does you well if you read it. Perhaps you can find one at far less than retail at half.com.

francois

Nosferatu

Hi Francois! Nosferatu I believe is french for Vampire. It's also the title of a Blue Oyster Cult song.

Yeah, my mother tells me "I only hit you once", and she told me this absolutely wonderful story about how she perfectly disciplined me. She told me "I used to do that to [my brother], but when I came into the Truth, I learned better". I couldn't believe she had the nerve to tell me this to my face. She learned the "Truth" when I was 5, she stopped hitting me when I was 15.

Thank you for your recommendation! I'll definately look into the book. I've already ordered "In Sheep's Clothing" to help me understand my father. I love self-improvement :)

funkyderek

Nosferatu is actually Romanian for undead, and the title of the best vampire film ever made.

bittersweet

Welcome! Great to have you here.

I also grew up in the "truth" and had a lot of problems with depression. Now that I have left the org, I have a much better handle on things. My little sister went thru terrible depression spells ( she was commited to the hospital many times as a teenager for severe eating disorders and suicide attempts ), but she left the org at 17, and is now 22, and her life is so much better. It seems the longer you are out, the better you get. It certainly helps coming here and finding so many others with similar experiences.

I look forward to your future posts!

little witch

welcome to the board kittens!

So many sad stories, as you can see. I too had an abusive relationship that has caused both anxiety and depression. I guess small people (kids) are so dependant on those we think we can trust that we put up with all manner of abuse.

anyways, welcome to the board, look around and feel comfort knowing how many others (sadly) feel your pain. And thankyou so much for telling your story. I am just moved to tears.

((((((((((((((((((Lyin Eyes)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) My heart weeps with you.

unique1

Please don't feel alone, many of us have went through similar things. I personally am a pleaser, I try to please everyone all the time and since I was never good enough (a pioneer or bethelite) my mother made me feel like I was sh!t. I had a nervous breakdown at 14 and since have been really screwed up. At least we realize this and therefore can get help. I suggest you try seeing a counselor if you arent' already. Also if you have any ex-close friends due to disfellowshipping, it may pay off to hook up with them again. I caught up with several of my disfelloshipped friends and it has helped me through the hard times.

Welcome to the board, we are all friends here. Hope all works out for the best and if you ever need to talk, we are always here.

Dogpatch

Hi Kittens,

There are some good files up to read at:

http://www.freeminds.org/psych/psych.htm

and also many stories at:

http://www.freeminds.org/stories/stories.htm

Wishing you the best in healing,

Randy Watters

Depression, Suicide, Abusive Parents

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