Spying On Your Kids

by rocketman 34 Replies latest watchtower bible

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  rocketman

  On last night's installment of 20/20, there was a segment that dealt with parents who use modern technology to spy on their children.

  One dad used a GPS installed in his car to track the movements of his daughter.

  Another dad installed Spyware in his computer and monitored the e-mails and IM chats of his daughter.

  A single mom installed a camera in her son's room, which fed video to her PC at work.

  In all three instances, the children were told they were being monitored.

  The parents all gave the same obvious reason for installing and using such devices - they were concerned for their kids' welfare.

  The children, almost needless to say, were not happy with these arrangements. A group of three that were interviewed said that the monitoring undermined their trust in their parents, and of course made them feel that their parents did not trust them.

  In another household, parents with a hidden cam found their two youngsters, a boy age 13 and a girl who I think was around 15, playing "Spin The Bottle" and saw their daughter remove her top and their young son hug and kiss and 9 year old girl. When confonted, the kids first denied it was them, 'fessed up, then appeared thankful for the monitoring.

  If anyone else here saw the segment, I'd like to read what you thought of it.

  I cannot see myself, under any circumstances, spying on my child. Of course, I've been fortunate thus far to have had no apparent problems with her. Nevertheless, I do feel that children deserve privacy too and that there are other ways to find things out (like talking with them) without making them feel distrusted.
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  Yerusalyim

  The cameras in the room might be a bit much, but the GPS device in the car makes sense for a lot of reasons. Monitoring email and IM's makes sense too. I check the sites my kids visit on the net at least once a week. I reserve the right to go through the kids bedrooms at anytime, looking anywhere I darn well please. A violation of their rights? No way, it's called PARENTING. Had the parents of the Columbine killers been abit more vigilant perhaps that mess would have been avoided. Recently a mother recently turned in her own kids plotting to murder their step brother. I don't want to be the parent on the news trying to explain I didn't know my son was into kiddie porn, I didn't know my daughter had a crack problem, I didn't know my step son made bombs in his room at night.. No, it's not an invasion of privacy, it's Parenting.
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  minimus

  Spying is wrong. If someone or something were to continuously monitor YOU, would you think that's alright? Let God do his job.
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  Eyebrow2

  Cameras are a bit much...unless you already have a good reason for it. But I would say about the two teenagers and 9 year old....if they were that worried, they should have not left those kids alone together with the 9 year old. she is too young to be playing spin the bottle with teenagers...that is a disaster waiting to happen.

  I think the GPS in the car is a great idea until the kid is 18, or longer if the parent owns the car. I actually would love to do that when my son gets his first car if I can afford it. (I cannot afford it for my own car, so it is not likely to happen, hahaha)

  I don't think reading emails and IMs is that evil either. I only check my son's email from time to time, but when I set it up I told him it was with the understanding that either me or my husband would do that as we felt necessary.

  I do think that if parents are going to do all this monitoring, then they should tell the kids. I know that we have caught my son playing games and being on line a couple of times when he was grounded (my husband checked his activity through our home network one day.) We had a reason though....we thought it was odd that he was not getting very much homework done before we came home from work. Also, there are times that one of my younger siblings will use his computer, and we want to make sure that they are not visiting sites that we would not want him to get too.

  I have him set up for IM so he can talk to me after school without calling...but we set up the IM so he can only talk to those I put on his list.

  He can go most places on the web, but we have yet found him on any sites that we felt are innappropriate. I totally agree with Yerusalyim, it is all about parenting....my son and I get along great, but he knows first and foremost I am his MOTHER, and then his friend.

  When I get my phone bill every month, I look up the numbers that I do not recognize, and will ask my son, or brother or sister if they made the call...it is the same thing, but no one thinks much of that. The only difference is I know about the call because it is long distance and I was charged for it (ie...$90 in calls my bro to his girlfriend!!!)

  I would like to say regarding the internet, it is important that you teach your kids that they are doing NOTHING in private online. When a person goes online, they are just going into the cyber-public, whether people like it or not.

  there is a commercial out there where teenagers are saying how pissed off they were at their parents or spying on them, grounding them, all that stuff...and in the end, they say thank you. That thank you may come a few years down the road, but most kids really do want their parents to be checking up on them, to be their safety net when needed.
• 

  logansrun

  What does it say of your parenting and guidence if you have to stoop to these levels? I think it's totally ridiculous.

  B
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  Eyebrow2

  I can be monitored at work all day long through email, what sites I go to, and even what phone calls I make. Does that bother me? No, because I am there to do my job. Sure I take care of a few personal things at work, but never anything that my boss would mind, or anything that I would be embarrassed by if someone asked me about it.

  It tells my children: I care about you. And by telling them upfront it also lets them know I am not trying to be sneaky, or waiting to catch them doing something wrong, like some kids feel their parents are. If your son has a friend, don't you get to know that kid, find out who the parents are and where he lives? It is the same idea.

  IT IS NOT SPYING IF IT IS OUT IN THE OPEN

  Tell the kids up front: You want email and IM? Sure, but only if you understand that if I think there is a reason to look into them, I will. We don't use spyware by the way..since all of our computers are connected on a network, we can just check the activity etc from my husbands computer. This technology that so many take for granted is a privilage in our house, not a right like it is for so many kids, so my son seems to be okay with it. (Of course, his feelings may change as he gets older).

  As far as the gps thing goes..it is a great safety issue...and hell, yeah, if 16 year old is two hours late with the car, I sure as hell am going to see where he is. Like I said before, If I could afford it for my car I would...and it would not bother me at all if my husband checked where I was, and vice versa...maybe that is because we don't hide anything from each other. In fact, if he wants to check my email at home or even work (he is the IT Manager so can check anyone's email if he had too..but again, does not unless their is a serious reason to do so), that does not bother me in the least.

  I don't periodically search his stuff like some parents do, or read his journal...but if I thought there was something going on and could not get straight answers I certainly would.

  The cameras though....that is a bit much...if you told the kids upfront that would not be a real big deal, but even then it sort of creeps even me out.
• 

  Yerusalyim

  Logansrun,

  What does it say of my parenting that I do these things? That I care for my kids and I'm concerned. Kids aren't all that great at decision making. They don't weigh consequences real well. They don't stop and think that the person on the other end of the IM or Email might be a perv. Kids think they know everything. "I'll be alright if I go to the park and meet Sally69 who's been emailing me, she's safe." They don't think that Sally69 will turn out to be a child molestor, though he is.

  My 14 year old son doesn't need to be experimenting with drugs yet either. That joint he buys might be laced with something.

  Yep, as long as my kids are in my house they're subject to search and seizure. As time has went by these things don't happen as often, but I still open a drawer now and then, peek under the bed, take a look under the stack of clothes in the closet.

  When my now 22 year old was 18, and living with me, he got mad because I found his porn. Yep, I found it and threw it out, NOT because he was so wrong for having it, that's normal at 18, however, he was leaving it in the VCR and his younger brothers and sister were finding it. I'm sorry, but a 9 year old girl and 10 year old boy don't need to be watching Jenna Jamison getting all three holes filled at the same time. I wasn't SEARCHING his room, I was cleaning it because it had begun to stink, and I was so pissed I couldn't wait for him to get home from work to clean it.

  I trust my kids, but as President Reagan said, TRUST BUT VERIFY. Kids do the darnest things. Like I said, I'm not gonna be the parent that finds out after the police show up that Ricky has been making bombs in his room, or dealing Meth. The kids know they are subject to me looking at their stuff whenever I feel like it.

  When I found the condom in my 14 year old's wallet, we sat down and discussed the issues of sex for the umpteenth time. "No, I don't approve of a 14 year old having sex. Yes, I'm happy you're being responsible and using some sort of protection. Remember it doesn't always work as proven by your sister Heather. Remember there are some diseases a condom won't stop." He said he wasn't having sex, that a friend handed it to him after a sex ed class at school. Ok, whatever.

  By reviewing IM's, emails, and phone records I found out my 13 year old daughter was talking with some guy in North Carolina, I have no idea how old he really is, but some of the topics were sexual. She lost computer privelege for about 3 months. I sent a scathing email to the person on the other end. It's not spying, IT'S PARENTING, you should try it.
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  Mulan

  I saw that and thought it was awful. Poor kids...............no privacy. If that had been my parents, I would have left to live with grandma.

  I thought one of the experts made a good point though..................."lying is part of being a kid............let some things go..............you don't have to handle every lie."
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  SheilaM

  I think it tells you kids that you don't know them or trust them. I personally read notes and journals but only a couple of times have I had to let them know what I read. I encouraged my daughter to drop a freindship that was not good and told her she couldn't save this girl without being brought down with her. She now thanks me although she' hated me and would never speak to me again.' With Anthony I have got to know him and his love for God and his devotion for his friends. But THAT is all I would do my kids are good kids because they are loved, they were told young what was expected of them and I do say have lived up to that. I have never had a drunk child while they were growing up, Mel drank once on spring break and now is not a fan of alcohol LOL Both kids came home on graduation night which is VERY unusual in our area.

  So, I think telling your kids that you have failed as a parent and need to have surveliiance is a shame. Now if you have never had a good relationship and things are out of control I am for whatever a parent needs to do (within reason) to get that control back. But I will always believe if you show your kids that you are human, if you apologize and let them knwo that THEY are the one thing in your life that is perfect and you love them with ever fiber of your being. I think that will do wonders.
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  freedom96

  The car tracking system is interesting. If my child got a ticket, or was being reckless, I would seriously consider using it.

  There is one that will determine ( at the click of the computer) how fast the car is going right then, where it is right then. When the car stops, you can press a button and the car will not re-start. That would be fun for the kid who said he was studying at the library, and he actually is at a party. Turn off the car, and he has to call for a ride or you as the parent to come fix the car.

  There is no where the car can go that is undetected.