I am thinking of doing it.... (page 2)

RAYZORBLADE

Hey Shamus. Jesika's sister's reason for not writing a letter to the elders etc., really hit home with me.

Mind you, to this date, I am unsure if I am DF'd/DA'd.

Honestly, I could care less.

For me to write a letter to inquire; perhaps find out, and then (?) maybe have to DA myself, is still playing the WTBTS game. Playing by their rules.

It's what THEY require. I can understand however why you would wish to do this, I really do.

But even for me, since coming to this board, one thing that hit home for me, almost 20 years later, again as stated above: I'm not playing by their rules.

I'm done with them, through!

Shamus, if you do go ahead with this DA letter, I wish you well, and will be here to support you should there be any unforseen fallout as a result.

Otherwise, I hope you can really show them that you are not one of them, by just simply.....staying away.

I wish you well. I'm going to give that C.of C. book a read in the near future.

Best wishes Shamus.

Lady Lee

Shamas

Write the letter and put it away for a few days. Take it out and read it. Rewrite what you need to. Maybe add something , change something or remove something.

Put it away again for another few days. Take it out again and reread.

Repeat as many times as you need to until you find there are no more changes.

Don't send it when you are emotionally upset. Allow yourself time to be clear-headed about why you are doing this and what- exactly what - you want to say. Nothing worse than sending it and then smacking your head to say "I wish I would of..."

Interesting that they insist people send resignation letters to churches they belonged to before they join the JWs

Gadget

I know someone who done the fade, then moved away to another area. He never DA'd himself, but the elders later done it because they said his lifestyle said he didn't want to be a wittness so they made it official. So you may end up DA'd whether you write a letter for it or not.

bigboi

Jesika,

I pretty much share your sister's sentiments. If anything they owe me for all the time wasted and lost under false pretenses. I really feel for the Pioneers who've left though. They really need toconsider suing their crooked asses.

Number 6

I pretty much agree with what's gone before.

Why validate their belief system by DA'ing yourself. It's like acknowledging that you accept that they have the right to label you in any fashion you choose.

Get on with your own life and don't give a second thought to them. You owe them nothing.

Disfellowshipped? Dissassociated? I personally refuse to acknowledge them as terms of reference.

6

caligirl

I did the fade thing, and feel the same way Jesika's sister expressed it. However, the decision of how to handle your exit must be your own. My mother in law felt it necessary to DA for her own peace of mind and closure. Everyone is different, and must do what is right for their own personal circumstance. I wish you peace, however you decide to handle the situation.

larc

When I left, I had a large number of JW relatives. So, did my wife. We decided to do the slow fade. This bought us time to think through our new life, while maintaining a relationship with our family.

One fortunate thing in our case, was that I got a job that required us to relocate. Just before we moved, they sent us a JC letter by registered mail. We did not sign for it, and it was returned unopened to the Kingdom Hall. When we moved, they did not pursue the matter.

be wise

Hello shamus,

Keep your friends and family as long as you can. The longer you're "in," the better you can help them.

This is very true, sometimes I tell my JW mum what I know and think. She gets really stressed about it when I ever talk about it but just a little now and again and you can see the logic just prying on her. I just want her to think logically so when ever she’s sat in a meeting or at an assembly and that extremism is being lashed out about apostates or silent lambs or anything else the unbiased logic that I have tried to explain to her will come into play.

I went through exactly the same thing and I thought like many here- why play by their rules and I didn’t want to give them the satisfaction and make it easy for them. I’m of much better use so-called in than out, especially from a family point of view. I can be there for my young nieces and nephews, as they get older. I’ll do it for them not for closure.

Life isn’t a game it’s for real; I think that’s one thing we’ve all learned – just play your best hand.

Francois

I really like all the responses that recommend the slow fade, mainly because that's what I'd recommend. But then I'd recommend it only if you've got family or dear friends still in and you want to maintain contact with them.

I got all pissed off and took on the entire body of elders in my congregation right after I read the first issue of C of C. They were breathing down my neck about some alleged misdeeds of my own of which I was of course totally innocent (I don't care WHAT she said I did. I didn't even OWN a sofa that night.). So I used the necessary meetings as the perfect time to get confrontational with them instead of playing by their rules and talking about ME.

Screw their rules and their way of doing things. Who do they think they are, God? (Hmmmmmm. I guess on second thought they DO think that, don't they?)

francois

LyinEyes

I know what ya mean Shamus , the sickening feeling of having your name associated as a JW.

My hubby and I , d/a ourselves back in August , but if we would not have done that we would have been disfellowshipped for smoking ,,,,,,so we got ratted out,,,,,lol.

If I had to do it again, I wouldnt play by their rules but it just kind of happened that way.

The slow fade is good,,,,,,,I would choose that,,,,,,,Just remember don't rush into doing anything too soon until you are really sure of all that will go with it, such as family if you have any in, or your work situation. D/A cause my hubby alot of problems at work, but he is making new contacts and it has turned out for the best, but it was hard at first.

I am thinking of doing it....

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