Playground:
Just checking on you. If you are up to it, can you give an update?
We are here for you. I hope things are working out for you and you have found some help.
PM me if you need someone to talk to.
Miss.Fit
Separated from a loveless Marriage
by PLAYGROUND 54 Replies latest social relationships
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disposable hero of hypocrisy
There's some great advice up there. ^^
AllI can add is, please watch this video, a documentary, it will show how the elders are clearly not trained to counsel marriages beyond very basic issues, and why outside help is necessary where physical violence is present.
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=7k8gA37KMGE
I'm really sorry to hear of your distress, but as an ex elder, I can assure you we are NOT equipped to deal with such things, and as a husband I can say you SHOULDN'T have to put up with it.
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PLAYGROUND
Missfit, thanks for checking on me. I have had good days and bad.At this moment conversations has came to a stand still. The Elders has not said anything to either party. Don't know if that is a good thing or a bad one. I know what is in my heart, I also know what my gut is tell me. Either way someone will be hurt. -
zed revisited
Playground,
Just remember the old Churchill quote: "When you are going through Hell, keep on going."
zed
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PLAYGROUND
Just an update. The brothers are still trying to get us back together ignoring what is being said. I had my meeting yesterday and sitting there listening to the watchtower was just disturbing. -
talesin
Dear PLAYGROUND,
I knew a sister, when I was a teen. Her husband was the same as yours - physically/emotionally abusive. She went to the elders, but he, too, was very charming and a good liar. She was counselled to stay, and she did. For years, this carried on, and few in the congregation knew the reality of the hell she was living, until the final time.
He eventually beat her so badly that she was hospitalized with serious injuries. She finally left him, but he was not disfellowshipped until he moved in with another woman.
Please do not go back to him! The elders are not looking out for your best interests. You are strong, and GOOD. You have nothing to feel bad about - HE is the abuser.
Stay strong in your resolve, because life will get better. You are intelligent, and I suggest you start reading, research online about the religion.
xo
I know you can do this, yes you can.
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Fernando
Sorry for the difficulties you and your partner are experiencing PLAYGROUND.
A good Psychologist will explain that sometimes some of our stress and anxiety is caused by "cognitive dissonance".
This occurs when there is a conflict between our behaviour and our beliefs.
You may have been taught a set of so-called "absolute" beliefs which are shaping your worldview. Sometimes such beliefs are truly unhelpful.
You are not in trouble with Jehovah unless you are a Pharisee (read Matt 23).
God does not expect you to remain in an abusive relationship that has no prospects.
So how does one become like the Boroeans: willing and able to examine our beliefs, and make adjustments?
CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy) can be very helpful.
Personally I also found Bible study very helpful - specifically on the "Good News" according to Paul (especially in the book of Romans, and especially how a right standing with God cannot be earned, deserved or paid for, but is instead IMPUTED to those who believe and follow Jesus instead of Pharisees).
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Ohiamfree
Dear Playground
Wow, all that you are saying, I have been there. I was married definitely just to be showed of, the perfect wife. Sadly I was lied to, enslaved and emotionally abused. I am so glad you realise it is abuse! It took me months after leaving the marriage to accept that because the elders did not take it seriously. It was either I die staying or he killed me staying - but I ran away. I am so glad you are safe! No the elders will not understand. I need to tell you something, I stayed in what you described, minus the physical abuse (it was all emotional abuse with only a little physical) for FIVE YEARS. I do not recommend it. It WONT improve, things will not get better and you WILL get ill like I did if you stay. The emotional pain will make you physically ill, I now have a long term illness thanks to that awful relationship. As someone said here it might as well be annulled when someone lies about who they are. After just a few months of finally leaving I was going to pace myself for divorce, but my ex and everyone around me kept saying "pray to love again" (seriously?! That's wrong and sick) and my ex was obsessed with me coming back even though he didn't love me - I couldn't handle it so made it perfectly clear by filing a divorce. I used to pioneer and can no longer, but that's fine, it's only a name anyway - the ministry is not counted by a term or hours in Gods eyes! Some people are marked for divorce but you can't be disfellowshipped. You need to be free! The complication is re-marriage. 4 years down the line my ex who was unfaithful in every way possible but I can't prove sexually physically, is going about like Mr perfect and slagging me off still. I however am now marked for dating another brother even after another 4 years of faithful service despite all that abuse from my ex, the elders and congregation members. Basically I have had enough. I am a faithful person and love God, I didn't know I was going to be abused and God has watched our pain each and every day. You are not "in trouble" with him, please don't think that, I know it is so hard, but you are not. He loves you! I am sure you have done lots of research. In regards to the divorce law I recommend researching the new covenant that began when Jesus DIED, note that, when he DIED. The law changed, laws relating to divorce and punishment etc ENDED as he covered our sin. He knew things were going to get bad. You need happiness in your life, life is a blessing from God. I promise you, there is so much happiness in the world - and I don't mean money, drugs sex!!!!! I mean LOVE.
Another thing to remember - an oath comes to an end when the oath is broken. Your spouse made an oath in front on God to love and respect you - they broke that promise, NOT YOU - the marriage vow ended at that point and God knows it - just look in the bible at how he views a cruel spouse! He won't even listen to their prayers. Please please please if you need to talk let me know, I don't know if you can private message on here but if you can please do. Can I also just add, finally being in a normal happy relationship makes up for all the pain - and any idiotic behaviour by the elders - who are no higher than you and I. I am so glad to be free. And the org will have to end the shunning arrangement one day, it breaches human rights laws! You just remember that. Yes I likely face disfellowshipping - but seriously my relationship is with God, not a human lead organisation. I'm over it.
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rebel8
You are right, you can't compete with a liar.
If it's The Truth, then by its own name it will be filled with truthiness, and truth will prevail, both in individuals' lives and in the big scheme of things. If it's The Truth, everything about it must be true. Nothing can be false.
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violias
Fortunately for you this is 2015 and the police know what spousal abuse is and are willing to believe you-- call them. Ask for help . You can get out of this relationship , even if the only way out is moving into a shelter. By calling the police it makes a paper trail and it will be embarrassing for the elders and spouse if there has been numerous calls to the police. Most importantly you don't have to pay with your life or self respect by staying with someone who would hit you ( I would hit back too!! )
You just made a mistake marrying someone who lied to you. This can be fixed. Don't waste your life in a loveless marriage. Leave and separate. Don't worry about divorce right now. One thing I have learned in life
is that all things come to an end eventually.
Your spouse may want out and is just trying to look good in front of elders. They may have another person picked out already. Many jws spouses set their mate up so they can marry another.
If you leave and just go on with your life your spouse will eventually make a move. Really is living alone worse than this?