Things my Dad taught me (page 2)

Undecided

My dad was a loving person who showed it to his family. He enjoyed life and he shared that with us. We went places as a family and we had many good memories of our adventures. He allowed my brother and I to have a lot of freedom in our choices in school, even though we were JWs. He showed his love to most people by his talking and listening to them in a way that is rare in this world. I sure have missed him since his death at 45yrs. old. Everyone that knew him liked him, at least that is the impression I got. I was lucky.

Ken P.

DanTheMan

Yes, my dad didn't know how to be a dad.

Thanks for the responses all. It was good to get that off my chest.

My dad is still much the same as he was when I was a lad, but a little more good-humored and laid back - but just a little. I still DREAD going out to eat with him, and his road rage is still a constant feature, it only seems to get worse. As much as I can I avoid getting in a car with him if he's driving.

From what I've learned about his dad (I never knew him) I had it good in comparison. A "real shit" for sure - very abusive and controlling. So, I was a victim of a victim I guess.

The troubling thing is that I am very much my dad's genetic progeny, I look a lot like him and I have a lot of his personality. I think I have more self-awareness though.

freedom96

It wasn't until I had my own kids that I realized how precious they are. They look up to us as their parents, and their lives are forever shaped by the way we treat them when they are young.

I saw how my father treated me, and I vowed to be different. My kid and I have the best relationship that a father and son could have. I have remarried, so I get to do it again, with her child, and now with ours.

I am looking forward to being the best dad in the world.

As bad as some of us had it, we can make sure we don't do the same thing to our kids. We have the power to overcome, to change, and to make sure our kids never say that about us.

animal

Natural father taught me to hate n*ggars, chinks, Waps, gooks, and anyone else not WASPs. He also taught me to be spineless around JW women, and run, when I was 4.

Step/Adoptive father taught me all the ways of JWs... from beatings to verbal abuse to adultry as an elder.

Nice.

Animal

larc

Dan,

Of all the threads I have read and all the posts I have made, this one stirred up the emotion in me. Thank you for addressing a very difficult subject.

Now, regarding your genetics and children, I would not be that concerned. My wife's mother was a very abusive woman. My wife, on the other hand, turned out to be a very loving and caring mother and a loving person all around.

The circle can be broken. I know you, and you are a kind person, like my wife.

nilfun

Mine was the Invisible Dad.

I love him so much, but most of the time he just wasn’t there for me when I was a kid.

Lady Lee

I keep coming in here and reading and go away and come back.

I wrote the following a few years ago just after my father died

I am my Father's Daughtrer

I am my father's daughter
And I am my own creation.

Through the pain he inflicted
I found strength to endure.

Through the anger and fear
I found courage to confront.

Through indifference and neglect
I found inner strength and self-reliance.

Through his constant criticism
I found the desire to learn and rise above.

Through threats of death and hate
I found the ability to survive and thrive.

I am my father's daughter
And I am my own creation .

DJ

Wow, what an emotional thread. I relate to some of the faults, Dan...mine had a few of them too. I am his daughter for sure...I hate when I act like him and I am mindful of it but I also understand what he must have been feeling to make him act out. My dad was loved by people it was just his kids that were terrified of him. He had this way though, of bandaging my knee when I fell that made me feel so safe and loved. I never knew what kind of a mood he would be in and my heart would race when I came in the front door in fear. He always left the last piece of chicken on the serving plate and offered it to us kids...even though I could tell that he was still hungry, he happily served it to whoever asked. He sat at the head of the table with a large chef's knife and peeled the skin from fruits and handed us each a slice on the tip of his knife. He hit us and he yelled about everything but we always had shoes and a full stomach. He belittled us and made us feel that we would never be anything valuable and I thought that maybe I hated him. He was my dad and I love him now more than I ever thought that I could. He is dying and I don't want him to yet. He had stress, like we all do and the jw stresses were what caused his fits of rage imo. He never felt safe or loved when he was growing up. His parents were Italian immigrants who thought it would give him a big head if they told him that they loved him. He told us that he loved us and I believed him but he didn't always show it. He worked hard and he raised 5 kids the best way that he knew how. That's enough for me. He is my friend because he raised me and Lady...I loved your poem. I think that I may have written it too, it just never made it onto paper. Did I mention that I love him.

breal

Lady Lee - your poem just about made me cry! You are very talented.

My biological dad actually told me that I was not as special to him as my oldest sibling since I was not the oldest & before he walked out on us he didn't have a chance to get to know me. He related it to how any guy will always love his first car the most....He continued to introduce my siblings as his son and daughter - while I was the "other one". On summer & winter holidays he would take my sister for a visit and leave me at home with my mom. Oh I could go on... He taught me that if I ever have children I will do everything in my power to treat them equally cuz not only did his actions affect me it had unfortunate negative impacts on my relationships with siblings as well.

My step dad taught me what it means to be loved unconditionally. He taught me what it means to be a real father.

The "dad" I adopted after I moved to BC taught me I can accomplish anything I set my mind to and how to laugh at myself.

Faraon

I worshipped my father,

We would spend most mornings talking. He did not quote from the bible, instead he would quote from old Spanish sayings and Easop's fables to bring a point. I only saw him angry twice and spanked me once deservedly because he found out I stole some textbooks when he saw that they belonged to someone else. I stole them to replace the ones that had been stolen from me. He told me it was not right to make someone suffer because someone else had made me suffer. He wanted me to always be the best I can be. He was constantly singing and trying to dance, even though he had a leg shorter than the other due to losing cartilage in his femur. He taught me to be self-reliant and to explore. I remember my maternal grandmother telling him that he wasted his money on buying me a motor bike at 14 because I had disassembled its motor, and that I would never put it back again. His answer was: That's Ok, he is doing it to learn how it works. I'll have a mechanic fix it or buy him another if he can't fix this one.

The think that I hold against my parents is that they were separated when I was only three years old. I can't forgive them for thinking about themselves first, and then us.

Things my Dad taught me

Share this