Things my Dad taught me

by DanTheMan 25 Replies latest jw friends

  • teenyuck
    teenyuck

    Great thread Dan.

    My dad was never around. He joined the dubs to quiet my mother harping on him about it. He drank alot. I don't remember that, yet my mother insists he was an alcoholic. When he got DFd for smoking, he admitted to me before he died, he was thrilled. He hated being a dub.

    He taught me children are worthless. You create them and walk away. You don't pay child support and when you get remarried, you tell your two daughters that you have a new wife and life and need to move on. You tell them to keep in touch, yet never call or stop by and you live only 10 minutes apart.

    You refuse to support them in any way, mentally, emotionally or financially. You find solace in sleeping around, drinking (I determined later he was indeed an alcoholic) and going to nudist resorts and reading porn. Your best friend for 35 years (whom dad took to AA to dry out and stuck to it, dad didn't) cannot drink with you anymore so you start to drift. Yet when you are found dead in your bed by your son (from second marriage; son just released from juvenile detention after 3 years and is back to dealing drugs) your best friend ponies up the $4000.00 for your burial.

    Your company provided life insurance and 401K are left to your 28 year old *roommate* whom you supported for the last 5 years. She sucked some money from you and more importantly, got you to believe that you were a good father. She convinced you that you did everything right. She fed your belief that you didn't need to have a relationship with your children. She showed up at your funeral crying that you were like a *father* to her. She was a lying slut. You were an idiot.

    You lacked all ability to love and care for your families. It was hard to cry at your funeral; I was sad you were dead, however I had long determined that we would never be like normal father's and daughters. You just didn't care.

  • version 2.0
    version 2.0

    my stepfather worked hard to provide for me and my sisters. sometimes two jobs. he's also a controlling prick who is playing the role he was born to play: the p.o. of a georgia j.w. congregation.

    the day i moved out, (my 20th birthday), he came in my room, sat on the bed, put his arm around me and said he was proud of me and i was doing the right thing, moving out to learn how to take care of myself. this was 1991, when the jw's were trying to get kids to stay home as long as possible so they could pioneer. maybe they still are?

    then he said "you are always welcome to come back if things don't work out. but if you ever turn your back on jehovah, we'll turn our back on you."

    here's what he taught me:

    1. a man's job is to provide for his family and be a leader. work as hard as you can, take care of the people who depend on you and don't bitch.

    2. when you commit to something, be it a job or organization, whatever, give it all you've got.

    3. there are many jw's who have allowed themselves to believe that god really wants them to choose him over their families. they will shoot you in the back at the drop of a hat and believe they are doing the right thing, that they'll be rewarded for their faithfulness. (ever heard the one about the suicide bomber and the 72 virgins?)

    all three lessons are very real to me. too bad about the third one, eh?

    d

  • jgnat
    jgnat

    I have this irrepressible urge to go hug my dad today. I will just mention a few things he taught me. Keep your integrity always. Mean what you say. Raise your children the best you can, even neglecting your own needs, because they will be here long after you are gone. Elbows off the table. Always keep your promises, even at great personal cost.

    No JW influence in this neck of the woods (not that JWness is any excuse for the kind of dads described here).

  • xjw_b12
    xjw_b12

    Dan. You seem to have struck quite a cord here with this thread.

    To those of you who suffered at the hands of your father, I am truly sorry.

    A lot of the stories here, prove that even after thousands of years of parenting, generation after generation, many of us never seem to get it right.

    I suppose I could be bitter about things my dad did, or didn't do, but in reflection, it was not my dad speaking, it was the "borg". And even though he raised me in the watchtower, he is the one, who got me out, and for that I will be forever grateful.

  • RAYZORBLADE
    RAYZORBLADE

    Honestly, my father taught me; unbeknownst to him: not to be like him.

    Right now, that's 100% right on: he's dead/I'm not.

    Don't miss him, I'm afraid.

  • DanTheMan
    DanTheMan

    Tina, you sure have turned out well considering that you seem to have been raised in the mother of all dysfunctional families.

    Just to clarify, my parents weren't JW's. I never heard of JW's until I was 16 or so.

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