Here is something to debate! (page 4)

SheilaM

Brummie HOW wonderful it's cause you so fluffyI Know how it feels to find that one

Actually Sheila some people feel there is more to co-dependent behavior than that...it can also pertain to other types of relationships than the type you mentioned...and can be characterized by living through or for another, attempts to control others, blaming others, a sense of victimization, attempts to "fix" others, and intense anxiety around intimacy. So some types of love where you live thru another can be considered co-dependent.

Love a first sight? No..lust at first sight? YES

True Love? Yes...Soul Mates? uuumm perhaps, but I don't believe there is just one person for you...I believe you can be BETTER with some people than with others. Love is friendship that has caught fire....best friends that become lovers....someone you want to share your joy and pain with...laughter and sorrow...bitter and sweet. Someone who is willing to let you be you even when they don't like you... lol love when it is it is good... is REAL good

gitasatsangha

Shelia,

Didn't mean to trip your wire.

No need to be insulting and call me moronic. I'm not a moron, anyway. I didn't say all loving relationships were codependant. It is just my opinion that many of them turn out to be just that. And as another person mentioned, your definition of codependancy is a bit narrow. As for the status of myself, thanks for caring! I am actually in a very good long-term relationship with someone I do love. And I love all kinds of people. It doesn't mean she's the only person I could have loved, or ever will love romantically. I'm realistic about that. Like I said, I'm not going to sublimate myself for another person, be it my kids, or anyone else. It's not egotistical, but it is perfectly reasonable.

Hari \

Gita

SheilaM

...it can also pertain to other types of relationships than the type you mentioned...and can be characterized by living through or for another, attempts to control others, blaming others, a sense of victimization, attempts to "fix" others, and intense anxiety around intimacy. So some types of love where you live thru another can be considered co-dependent

Xena: What you described is still abnormal behavior, psychologically speaking.

I'm not going to sublimate myself for another person

sublimate

t verb 1 [with OBJ. ] (in psychoanalytic theory) divert or modify (an instinctual impulse) into a culturally higher or socially more acceptable activity: people who will sublimate sexuality into activities which help to build up and preserve civilization.

n transform (something) into a purer or idealized form: attractive rhythms are sublimated and integrated into a much larger context.
Hmmmmm sure that's what you meant????

gitasatsangha

another definition is a bit closer:

To modify the natural expression of (a primitive, instinctual impulse) in a socially acceptable manner.

SheilaM

n transform (something) into a purer or idealized form

Transformation doesn't always take away from it can add to also.

Xena

Do you have any idea what codependancy is. You are so moronic. A co-dependent is someone that backs a alcholic that beats and terrorizes them, or someone or drugs, or someone that is a control freak.

Just trying to make the point that your defination is not the definitive one.....and most behavior is considered abnormal by SOMEONE

Aztec

Thanks for all the responses! Francois, that was a very touching story. Nomad soul, I had no idea you were so young! I hope it works out for you two. Of all of the posts I had to agree with this the most:

"You know, Romeo and Juliet wouldn't have lasted a week. Real love is paying the bills. It's grocery shopping for pickles and ice cream at two in the morning. It's cleaning the apartment and doing laundry and punching a clock at some kitschy department store because your student loans won't pay the rent. It's waking up to the same ugly set of bad habits and imperfections, knowing it'll never end, and being okay with that."

Surprise, surprise I agree with Dedalus yet again...LOL! I think that is a very mature way of looking at love.

Thanks again!

~Aztec

Francois

xjw - Yes, Susan does look quite a bit like Charlize Theron. Perhaps with just a touch of Debbie Norville thrown in.

Mrs. Thunder - I found her in 1986, 9 years after the explosion. She was married, and had been for 3 years. I didn't want to attempt to intrude in her life at that point. I've made sure that I'm easy to find since then but I've never heard a peep so I expect she's still married and happy. I'll just have to be happy that she's happy.

francois

Francois

expatbrit, what a crusty cynic you are; I'll bet you even have an exoskeleton.

What you say is true as far as it goes, it just doesn't go far enough. If that were the only motivation, relationships would last about 30 minutes.

The self-abnegation, the altruism, seeking the happiness of the other rather than the self, these things are not inherent, instinctual behaviors, they very much are vastly higher. You reductionist, deterministic old foggies don't know what you're missing. You can't measure the smell of her hair; or the feel of her as she snuggles up to you for warmth on a cold winter night as Orion rises in the freezing eastern sky. You can't reduce her smile to merely the movement of muscles, and you miss totally how the peal of her laughter so much resembles the ring of carillon bells at Vespers. And you don't, can't, carry her perfume in your mustache keeping you thinking of her all day long. See? You've awakened the poet. Now I'll have to drug him into sleep.

francois

Here is something to debate!

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