Feeling Pretty Bad

by rebel 31 Replies latest jw friends

  • rebel
    rebel

    I hate Mondays!

    I also feel bad because I have been receiving subtle hints from my hubby that he may be leaving me. We have been married for 24 years, have 4 beautiful, intelligent children (one is no longer with us), we have been though troubles, worries, the death of our darling Claire, money problems - you name it - we've been there.

    NOW - because I have different religious views to him, he doesn't think he can associate himself with me any longer. I love him very much. He was my first and last boyfriend. He is all I have ever loved. I feel so bad and don't know what to do. One son has sided with me - he has brains and can see the society for what it is. My other 2 children will be forced to choose and it is WRONG! I am so angry and tears are making it difficult to type.

    Love you all

    xxR

  • RAYZORBLADE
    RAYZORBLADE

    ((((rebel))))

    I am so sorry to read this.

    What a heartbreak you must be enduring right now.

    I wish I were near, I'd give you my shoulder to lean on. Cry if you wish; damn why do these things have to happen.

    Fortunately, your son is wise like his mother: sees the WTS for what it is.

    Sad that your husband is presently unable to discern this.

    We're here for you rebel.

    Big Hugs,
    Rayzorblade

  • Prisca
    Prisca

    (((((rebel))))) I'm at a loss for words.

    Vent if and when you need to. I'm sure you're not the only person on this board that this has happened to.

  • shera
    shera

    Sorry Rebel,hugs to you.

  • berylblue
    berylblue

    Rebel, I am so sorry. I know what it is like to suspect a beloved mate is preparing to leave. It's unutterably horrible.

    Rosemarie

  • rebel
    rebel

    Thanks for your well wishes.

    Hubby says that if I do not love and respect the creator, then there is no future for us.

    I have explained that I have not abandoned the Bible. God, Jesus etc but he will not listen.

    As far as he is concerned, if your bum is not on that seat in the KH, you are against Jehovah.

    I still love God and the Bible - how do I make him see that?

    XXR

  • blondie
    blondie

    rebel, I don't think he wants to see it. He sounds like he needs to be in control of everything. If he leaves, he will still be responsible financially and will not be "scripturally free to remarry." Officially, the WTS says he is putting himself in a dangerous place. I can't ever understand why the WTS insists on JW spouses staying with non-JW spouses (no matter how abusive) but not in the case where a JW spouse has doubts.

    I would no longer try to convince him verbally. Come here and vent about the hypocritcal WTS doctrine. And just show love to him and the kids in any way you can.

    Blondie

  • Shakita
    Shakita

    I know from previous posts that things have not been going to well for you lately. I am so sorry about your husband.

    My husband and I were high school sweethearts. He also was my first and only boyfriend. We are going on to 25 years of marriage in July. We have been through some really tough times, times when I thought that we should just throw in the towel and start over. To add fuel to the fire, my husband became a JW soon after we were married. Our life together after that was very difficult to say the least. I am a very stubborn person and refused to let "that religion" ruin my marriage. Years, and a few children later, I gradually let the JW religion into my life and was convinced that this group of people had the answer to all the world's problems. Fast forward to today, and here I am posting on a ex-jw board trying to figure out what exactly I believe anymore.

    My point in telling you my story is that life does not remain stagnant. There will always be change and turbulent times, especially when one mate is a different "religion"(and I use this word loosely). I chose to stay with my husband, and today we both see eye to eye on the JW organization and things are definitely a lot calmer.

    Is your husband the one who is going to leave you? This would be against what the organization says. They quote the bible in saying to stay with a marriage mate, even if one has committed fornication, and try to work things out. Your husband is going against bible council if he is thinking of leaving you.

    The JW's don't hold the patent on destroying marriages because of religious differences. When one mate is super religious and imposes his will on the other marriage mate, this is very hard to deal with. Believe me, I know. Have you guys tried professional marriage counseling? Maybe if your husband gets some input from an outside source, he will be more open minded on your views.

    Religion is responsible for so much heartache in families, instead of trying to upbuild and strengthen family relationships, they do their best to destroy them.

    I do know marriages within the organization where one mate was a JW and the other is inactive, or has never been a JW and their marriages seem to work. It is much more difficult when one mate leaves and the other remains, especially when children are involved.

    My heart goes out to you rebel, and I hope that you and your husband can work things out. If he chooses to leave you, my advice is.....hire a good lawyer and get every penny out of him you can!

    Take care of yourself and take one day at a time.

    Mrs. Shakita

  • Thunder Rider
    Thunder Rider

    Rebel,

    Blondie and Shakita are right. If you haven't given him scriptural grounds for a divorce, he's the one putting himself into a percarious position. According to their own rules he must provide for you and your kids financialy. He's even required to continue providing you with your "marital due" not an easy thing to do, if he were to leave.

    If you and the son who sided with you will continue to respect him, love him and make his home life a peaceful and happy one, perhaps he will recognize the sincerity of your efforts and come around. If you badger him or turn into a sobbing wreck, it might just aggrivate him and push him away.

    I believe that before long the corruption of the WTS will become publicly know , that no one will be able to deny it and many more of us will be freed.

    Thunder

  • Big Tex
    Big Tex
    If he leaves, he will still be responsible financially and will not be "scripturally free to remarry."

    Great point Blondie.

    Rebel, it must be of small comfort right now, and I know you only want him, but realize the Witnesses will put some pretty tight boundaries on what he is allowed to do. Is there any way he would agree to go with you to a counselor to just talk? I know it's a long shot, but I think the two of you have a lot of words to say to each other, and it would be helpful if there were a neutral third party there to help you both.

    I am very lucky. I left the organization 14 years before my wife. I waited very patiently for her, but by the same token she was patient with me. She did not leave me or put pressure on me to go back. So at the end of the day, we both gave to each other. And isn't that what marriage should be about?

    I wish I had a magic solution for you Rebel, I really do. All I can say is try to talk to him, not about the Witnesses, but about your relationship together. If he doesn't value you and accept you for who you are, then at that point you need to decide what you want. It is appropriate to cry, and grieve even, but do not give in to the fear. That leads to panic and can overwhelm you.

    Please let us know how it's going.

    Be well.

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