by Mulan 128 Replies latest jw experiences
That was perhaps the most cruel letter I've ever read. Bruce Springsteen said (although Johnny Cash's version is better)
"If a man turns his back on his family, he ain't no good"
Its amazing how people who are considered "spiritual" are the most cocky, condescending know it alls you could ever meet. Its hard, but be the better person. Karma is a funny thing (if I believed in that sort of thing)
I am sad and very embarrassed to say I wrote much the same letter to my mother almost 18 years ago, but I was not getting married at the time.
I have re-acquainted myself with my disfellowshipped father and we have such an amazing relationship now. My mother on the other hand is still estranged.
My mother walked out on my siblings and myself when I was only 12 years old. The "Truth" justified my disowning of her. I have come to find that she is still not worthy of my, or my siblings love or really our respect. She is a bitter, angry and twisted individual.
But yet, I still feel such regret and dispair for ever writing such a letter to her during my "spiritual giant phase". I will never have a relationship with her not do I want one at this stage of my life but yet such a letter was so hurtful. that is something I will take to my grave with me and cannot undo.
I pity your son Inky. One day he will have to live with the same guilt but for him he will realize he caused suffering to someone that did nothing to deserve it.
I wish you well and wish I had the words to comfort you. On his behalf and since I doubt if I will get the opportunity to say it to my mother, I'm sorry.
Uzzah
((((((Inky)))))))
Sounds to me that he was not using his own words but allowing someone else to tell him what to say. If only he knew how much his words contradict themselves, "I will always love you, though my love has changed."
Will
I just saw this reply and had to comment:
It is absolutely true that the way a man treats his mother is the way he will end up treating his wife.Love, Scully
Pure bullshit, imo. Tho I will admit that if my wife was to desert me and our kids, I would treat her the same way as I do my mother.
Generalizations are not reality.
Uzzah
Your respnse letter is wonderful, Inky--so full of unconditional love. (((((Inky))))
A person can inflict so much pain in the quest to be a good Jehovah's witness. Those that cut off their own flesh and blood are applauded in the organization as good examples:
http://www.watchtower.org/library/w/1988/4/15/article_01.htm
"Cutting ourselves off completely from all association with [my disfellowshipped sister] Margaret tested our loyalty to Jehovah's arrangement. It gave our family opportunity to show that we really believe that Jehovah's way is best."—Lynette.
I hope that one day he will wake up and embrace you once again...
If he ever comes to his senses, he is going to regret that letter.
Irene/Inky
Good for you a response that is both loving and dignified
I had to go to a meeting tonight (business related............relax!) and missed this whole page of the thread.
Irene..........so glad you sent the letter. I discussed this whole situation with my mother, at length today, and she convinced me it would do no good to talk to the elders about his letter to you. She was appalled and dismayed, and admitted to me that disfellowshipping is wrong. I was floored!!!!!! She always thought so highly of him, but was pretty shocked by the letter..........but you know she is crazy about you too.
I still plan to find out his fiancee's address and send her a copy of it. I do think she needs to know how he is treating you, and about your recent illness and his total ignoring you during that time.
Thanks again, everyone. You all come through for us every single time. That is unconditional love at its finest.
I'm relatively new to this board, so I can't claim to have the familiarity with you that you all obviously have. I have two children, a son and a daughter. My son is almost five, and I'm not afraid to say that I adore him. I love both my children, don't get me wrong, but my boy is very special to me. I would be beyond devastated if I received a letter like this. My heart goes out to you, Inky. I think you are lucky that you have such support from your friends online, and some relatives, and I read the thread with interest to see what your next move would be. I think the letter you sent was right on. I fought with my parents like crazy when I was younger. I even thought I hated them. My feelings towards my mom in particular have changed tremendously now that I am a mom myself. I never understood the "this will hurt me more than it will hurt you" line until I had my own kids.
Unlike what a previous poster mentioned, here's hoping he does procreate, because only then will he know the pain he caused.
Best Regards,
Lucia
((((((inky))))))
Words hardly describe the horror I feel while reading this letter. How can a mssage of love be so twisted around to become a tool for the destruction of family bonds and lifelong relationships! Christian love! Hah! What a fine witness they give the world by doing this! Anyone that considers becoming a JW should read that letter first!
May you find strenth and hope that one day this son will see the wrongs of this action.
Greven
(((((((inky))))))
From Ozzie and Mrs Ozzie (of the travelling class)
PS: Mulan will 'fill you in'.
Cheers, Ozzie
